Wisdom From A $400m Business Owner #247

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If you’re new to my page my name’s Corey Boutwell. I’m the founder and CEO of men’s personal development company Set The Standard. I’m a professional bodybuilder, I have coached over 300 men to their full potential and created a multi six figure business in just 3 years. This podcast is where I share EVERYTHING I learn along the way.

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Chapters

• 0:05 Leveraging Timing and Patience in Success
• 9:49 Sharpening the Axe
• 13:27 Navigating Social Media Self-Comparison
• 22:04 Building Community Through Podcast Promotion

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

welcome back to another episode of the corey babble podcast, and today I wanted to share with you guys a story that happened on the weekend which I found extremely motivating and inspirational. So I met a man on a boat who has collectively, through people that he's taught in his um coaching programs and courses, he is has like generated like over $5 billion, which is just insane across like all of his companies, which is absolutely nuts, and obviously he took a large percentage of that and this is what he told me. But first, the first, I tell you exactly what he told me. I want to, I want to ask you the question is like why are people so afraid of their full potential? Specifically, I work with men and I find that most of the time I'm like why are men so afraid of their full potential and what it is? And I actually want to know your guys' opinion to this. If you can contact me some way, shape or form, here's a quote that I found that's super relevant to this the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Joseph Campbell quote. Let's go.

Speaker 1: 1:07

So back to this guy on the boat. I got introduced to him on the side of the boat and a friend told him that I work with men and he looked at me and he was like, oh yeah, so you work with positive masculinity? And I was like, yes, absolutely I do, because I've met a few people that have done that work and they crush it. It's a great industry to bring in. And I was like, well, thank you so much. I was telling him about set the standard community and the retreats that we do and like the like all the things that were the crazy shit that happens at our retreat, and I was telling him some of the stuff that I'm not going to tell you guys, in case you come one day, because I can't ruin the surprise for you. But I was telling him some stuff like, yeah, we do this and do this. And he just looked at me and went like, bro, I have to follow you. And then we like connected really well.

Speaker 1: 1:44

So then I asked him some questions hey, what's, what are some of the things that have led to your most success? I want to be doing what you're doing in the future, because he sells a lot of courses and he gets on stage and is, you know, run through funnels and done all these things. Basically, it's living a dream version of a life that I want to live. So I said what advice have you got to give? How did you get there? What can you tell me? You know on my path, cause I'm currently at this level and one thing that he said which was really peculiar to me and it's a lot that I've been working on myself personally and it was timing.

Speaker 1: 2:14

He said continue what you're doing and just persevere. One thing with good intention will line up with another thing and another thing and eventually something's going to happen at the same time and everything will just take off. Every time I've ever had any big business wins, I have come down to some form of timing, and I don't think it's just business wins, I think it is also personal wins and knowing that you know you've done the work on yourself to create enough room for the growth to happen. So there'll be a moment when things just align and they'll take off quickly. That. And then he also said fire fast and go through people quickly until you find the right ones. So, consistently, just be firing people until you find the right people, because you know finding a fit for your business. It isn't like finding a intimate relationship, right.

Speaker 1: 3:02

But it got me thinking, because I started thinking like how comparison and comparing yourself to others kills your progress. Because for me, in the situation I've been in these situations before we're meeting someone like that I noticed my own growth personally, because other times I'd compare, I'd be like, oh, I'm not there and I'm not there, which is like I don't feel good enough and you know, I'd ask questions more like to get a response, like what specifically did you do to get there? Because I'm trying to get a response instead of trying to connect with someone who I've met, who I find is awesome and extremely inspirational. I feel, like the second, that you lose gratitude for the path that you're on now and you put yourself in the I don't have it yet, you know. Like you know, I don't have it. I don't have it like that person has it, so I'm not good enough. Chair, right, that's the chair we don't want to put ourselves in. Because the second that we do, we lose and I think this quote relates to this really well A man who lies to himself and believes his own lies becomes unable to recognize the truth, either in himself or anyone else.

Speaker 1: 4:09

It's a Dr Sequos, holy shit, right? A man who lies to himself and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize the truth, either in himself or anyone else, meaning you're just a skeptical boy who doesn't believe in anything, which I have found myself do that like quite regularly. So I felt extremely motivated after this conversation and I had a few realizations about myself, and it's not just the importance of the conversations that we have which can inspire us or motivate us or give us some sort of really key insight. I always find that when you have a powerful conversation, the key insight is what you learn about yourself, and this is what I learned about myself. So number one was patience.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Patience is sometimes it's just not freaking out. People say what is patience right, like what is patient? Because you can be in freak out mode and still be patient and just sitting there like I'm going to be really quiet and try not to let my freak out Just you know, poison anyone else around me when I think just letting go of control and just believing that you're on the right path. Now I mean it sounds so cliche, but when it happens, in the moment, you can regulate what. What physiologically, what happens is being able to regulate your nervous system and let go of whatever thoughts are plaguing your mind and just being able to be extremely comfortable in your own skin at that moment in time. And even if things are chaotic, it's just letting them feel chaotic in your body, like yep, this is chaotic, and what that does is it reduces anxiety, which is the key, because the second that we feel anxious, the second we feel like we haven't got enough, the second we feel we need to rush to get somewhere, is the second that everything in our brain for all the decisions that we want to make, all the good decisions we want to make, just dissipates. So that's what I believe patience looking as look looks like it's just not freaking out in the moment and just being okay with things being completely chaotic. And I've been really getting used to this clearly, like over the last few weeks, and it's been a tool that I found so beneficial, like so calm and so clear, especially if you keep focusing on the tasks that you need to take action on and you're not feeling that overwhelmed panic sort of emotion. It's like, yeah, it's a different, it's a different level of emotional intelligence which very proud to to be able to work on.

Speaker 1: 6:18

I'm very grateful for that number two and this realization. We have more time than we think. The man on the boat told me I can't wait to see what you'll create in the next 15 years. You have so much time and your moment will come. He's like, yeah, I'm like almost 50. I've got like this time ahead. You've done this, this, this, this, this. You guys are going to crush it and you've got so much time ahead. Just keep going. It's going to be awesome. Like things may be difficult, but so what? Like you'll get there, especially if you're committed to your purpose and you're ethical and you're moral and you don't make any stupid business decisions. You know, in regards to money, and what he's meaning in regards to that is scamming or, you know, throwing someone under the rug or something like that, which for me, is completely foreign, like it's being someone who teaches personal development. That's not even the thought that crosses my mind and I was like cool, that's a tick. So thank you so much for that. And, yeah, it felt, felt, it felt really good knowing that, you know, knowing that we do have a lot more time, because it helps you be extremely present. And, as cliche as the quote is, it's like you overestimate what you can do in a year, but underestimate what you can do in 10 years. I really believe that that him saying that really was able to land in my body and I was like, oh yes, and I feel a lot more calmer right now and it's like nothing is really a problem. How can we work with more flow? How can we just like just keep continuously putting flow into my routine? How can I put flow into my conversations? How can I put flow into my energy? How can I put flow in what I, in what I do, and I sort of take an approach like this. I think this is really cool.

Speaker 1: 7:45

Music artists when they come out with an album, you'll notice, for example, if someone's going through a heartbreak and they create a heartbreak album and then it just goes absolutely nuts because you can feel the pain and you can feel you know all the words and the tones of the voice in that song and the melodies and the music and you're like, wow, this is like hitting me in such a powerful way right now, especially if I'm going through a breakup. And then if you're so happy with life and you've just like made it somewhere and you're feeling like a killer and you're like, yes, I'm making money, I'm feeling good, I'm getting success. And then someone puts on some like making money song where everyone's just killing it, and you're like, oh, I feel like a boss right now. Right, that has been able to. I believe, like, if you're the artist and you're creating those you're creating a sad album or you're creating a like let's get rich album I've just got there, regardless of what is happening in your life right now, I believe flow is being able to access those emotions and use them. Like how can you use this emotion to the best of your ability? Like, for example, um, if you're creating, let's just say, it's in my position, right, and you're creating a podcast, and I help men with their purpose. I help them unleash their full potential so they can level up in their relationships, their business, and get really clear, not just like mentally fit, but physically fit as well. And I'm going through something sad. It's like cool, we'll make some awesome sad content, help all the guys out. And I'd be like, oh, just that realization, like that's what's going to help me flow, because that's what's going to help me feel the emotion, experience the emotion, channel it and use it. That is just so powerful that I thought these are the things that were popping in my head while I was having this conversation. Number three was your purpose protects you. The second you lose sight or belief in your purpose, you're off the path.

Speaker 1: 9:26

And I was having this conversation with him and someone else as well, and you know they're both. I would say, like you know the other guys you're talking to, like under mclaren, the highly successful guy, and he was telling me the story around. He's like have you ever heard about the, the two men in the forest? And I was like well, one of the two men in the forest haven't heard the? Well, they both have an ax. One guy, they're both there for a weekend.

Speaker 1: 9:49

One guy, in 48 hours, chops down 150 trees and he doesn't stop chopping the ax the whole time. The other guy stops and has breaks, sharpens his ax, gets clear. So as I figure out why he's chopping down the trees, he gets more connected to something passionate, gets more connected to something powerful and purposeful and sharpens that axe, cuts down 250 trees. So he cuts down 200 more trees than the other guy whilst he's having breaks, because the energy and effort that he was putting out, you know, was more, plus, his axe was so sharp that he had to put less effort into cutting the trees. So at the same time he's putting in less effort, the same time he's putting in and when he has's putting in less effort, the same time he's putting in and, and when he asked him, when he has to put in less effort and he's putting in more effort, he's getting more results by chop from how he's chopping the tree down.

Speaker 1: 10:37

And I was like, okay, that's really interesting, because the second that you're off the path for your purpose, or you can't see it, or those goals aren't clearly written down and articulated and you can track them every single day, then you start to fill that void up Distractions, temptations, silly ideas, different projects that don't work well to you, chaos in your relationship, some form of awesome new hobby or another project which just doesn't align with what you're doing. You're like, oh, I need to reinvent myself right now and all those things are off. You've just lost sight of the, the vision, and I believe, specifically for men or women in this situation, I believe what you can do is just have time to yourself. It's a weekend away, it's a few days at the airbnb, it's you know, go visit some old friends, like, see if you can stay at a friend's house, whatever. You just need time by yourself with the intention to work on your goal.

Speaker 1: 11:23

I remember when, when I really got clear on my purpose and understood what I wanted to do with Set the Sand in Community and how I wanted to run it. I remember I was at a meditation in Bali and it was a cacao ceremony meditation, which is why I genuinely really love cacao ceremonies, because they have these chemicals in cacao. If you didn't know that, it'll open up your heart and literally it opens up your heart, releases all these chemicals from your heart and it gets you know, connected into your brain. So it's, it's, it's insane. It runs over your body. And I remember I was in the meditation and I was just like.

Speaker 1: 11:52

It was like four times throughout the meditation I was like oh my God, that's it. Oh my God, that's it. And I was like I found this link to a chain and another link to a chain and it was all just what I'm doing now and I could just see it in my mind and I had this rush of explosions, be like, oh my god, this is what I want to do with my life, just like bleeding out from my chest over my whole body and I remember, like as soon as that class finished, I just like put both my hands together like did a namaste sort of mind to the, to the facility data, and I sprinted out of that place, jumped on a scooter, went home and wrote out like three pages as quickly as I could. So I didn't have to forget what was in my mind and I've still got the book at home, which is crazy.

Speaker 1: 12:34

So, essentially, what you want to do is clear up your schedule, to get clearer on your goals, and no amount of distraction or rush work will sharpen your ability to take action, which means the second that you're in distraction mode, the the second that you're feeling like you need to rush, you know you're blunting, you're you're is a blunting, right word your access becoming more blunt, right, let's use English right here, guys. So those were three, but the biggest lesson that I took away was was that my self-reflection work is working Like as a man. Self-reflection work is working like as a man. Self-reflection work is working. A past vision version of me would have felt jealous, insecure, not good enough, like holy shit, like this guy won't want to talk to me because how much his money is making and all the rest of it, I would have felt like I hadn't done enough. And it's interesting because, as a man, like I looked at some studies for this and men, men and women in general this is men, men and women.

Speaker 1: 13:27

I looked at the studies and it's like it's a little bit different, like for who use what, who use what in in this study between men and women, and it's on social media and self-comparison and that people use social media and this is studied now. So it's like a legitimate study. That's not just a thought. This is from a like a study that I found on the interwebs let's go. But it's a social media to present an idealized version of themselves to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. And you might be thinking, duh. Well, of course that's the case, but now that it's been studied, it's like okay, is that actually me? Because it's a large percentage of people use social media to present an idealized version of themselves because they feel inadequate. Because they feel inadequate, they go oh, I need to post this so I feel more adequate. I need to show people this so I can get approval. I need to show people this so I can get attention, validation, some sort of other people, some recognition right, just through posting.

Speaker 1: 14:22

And it's interesting because the second that we start doing it, it's it's ignorant to think that other people can't see that through our posts. And I know that we can, because every time we're scrolling or searching through someone's posts, the second that we find that it is a need for approval, we don't want to like it, we don't want to comment it. We think, ooh, what's that person posting? You know in the back of your head and you just scroll next. Or because they're a friend, you just like it. Or it's because someone you follow for a long time you might like it, just like pump someone up, but then you know it's like okay, people are using social media to prevent a different version of themselves, which can come from some sort of comparison as well. And then it's also ignorant to think that we don't do that, because if you post on social media consistent, consistently or not consistently how you show up on social media and I believe the intention behind the post that you post on social media is a direct reflection of your shame. To be completely honest, now, comfortable you are in your own skin, which is crazy, right, super crazy.

Speaker 1: 15:22

Second fact inadequacy via posting on social media is linked to a desire for social comparison, where people compare themselves to others online to gauge their own worth. So what happens is that we post as a version of ourselves that we think are online on social media and then we're like, oh, this is me, this is me, this is me, this is who I'm creating. And then we get attached to that person that we've created and then we compare ourselves to our heroes and our mentors and people that may be 10, 20, 30 years ahead of us, or they might be younger than us, but, results wise, 20 years ahead of us, and we think, well, I'm not worth it, I'm not worthy enough, my content isn't good enough and what I've got to teach and what I've got to say and what I've achieved is not good enough because this person's done xyz better than me, right, crazy, right, crazy. So this is studied guys. This is genuinely studied.

Speaker 1: 16:19

Last one the constant comparison can either boost or further harm their self-esteem, depending on how they perceive themselves and relate to others. So what this means is, if you're scrolling on social media account, give a bit of account like, go through and count, just notice subconsciously how you do this. Go for a bit of account and say, how many times out of 10 did I feel motivated, inspired by someone who's just like me, doing what I want to be doing, or did I feel not enough? Did I compare myself? And this is what I wanted to touch on in regards to the biggest that I learned was my own self reflection. Is that the work is working? Is that this self comparison piece is drastically dropping like drastically, and it's kind of hard to notice, to be honest. Honest, because it's not like you're thinking, oh, did I compare myself to someone today, when you're sort of releasing the work, it's just like, oh, I feel more calm, I feel more in my body, I feel more present, I feel like I connect to people more and I feel like I can. For me, it's like this breath in my belly where I'm not as tense, and that feeling is like, oh, this is really good, I'm not comparing'm not feeling as intense, I'm feeling like more heart open and feeling that I can really be myself more, which I think, obviously in the world of social media, if you're trying to succeed through social media or you're trying to connect with people, the more authentic you are, the better results that you're going to get all day, because any results that you get when you're inauthentic are results that you won't be able to hold onto because they're not really you Interesting. So other people's success used to lower my self-esteem and now I just feel inspired, like I felt so inspired to this guy. So this is your reminder, if you're listening to this, to get out of your head and into your body more.

Speaker 1: 18:05

Your heart has all the answers In the book the Biology of Transcendence. They did so many studies in the Heart Math Institute and I know Joe Dispenza has done so many studies with the Heart Math Institute and what they've proven is that your heart is your second or your first brain, depending on who you talk to. There's neural connectivity in your heart. It pumps out of frequency. There's hormones and chemicals that come from the heart that connect to the brain. The brain comes back in, connects to the heart, connects to the gut, and when you can listen to the impulses, the urges, the fantasies and the emotions that your heart and your gut send you and allow your brain to, I would say accept them, let go of control and hear them and take them seriously Is that's when you know that you're starting to get in line Well, really get in line with your purpose.

Speaker 1: 18:57

So if you're comparing, you're spending too much time in someone else's shoes and not enough in your own. So what happens is I always believe that you should that if you know you should be doing something bolder and grander with your life, then take bigger steps to get there, without the comparison. Because if you are comparing, you're living your life. You're living someone else's life Like you're not living your own life. And if you're living someone else's life while you're comparing and you're in your life now, you're creating a massive gap that needs to be filled. So what happens is you've got these emotions that have to be listened to, have to be attended to, and you can't attend them if you're in someone else's shoes, all the time, living someone else's life, which makes you disconnect from yourself. So you don't like where you are, your self-worth drops, you get distracted, you procrastinate, you hesitate, so much more, and that's what leads to you getting into your head, which is just a lack of personal development. That's all it is. It's why doing the inner work and why doing the personal development is so important. This is why I teach men. This is why I created Set, the Standard Community, and do the next level retreats, because I'm like this is so incredibly important and so incredibly incredibly needed. So here are some things that you can do. If you've been listening to this Number one work on you.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Right, definitely want to work on yourself. So the first thing you can do to work on yourself is get clear on your purpose, articulate it. What does it mean to you? And your purpose can't be I want to be the best version of myself so that I can, you know, love and lead for others. That's the most generic purpose ever. I want to be the best version of myself so that I can live happy before I die. Generic your purpose must include who is it that you want to serve Like if you if Include who is it that you want to serve Like if money wasn't a thing, what would you be doing? Essentially, who would you be helping to the best of your ability? That's the first question to ask. Right, if you had all the time and all the money in the world, what would you be doing to help people as best as you can Do that? But what is it that you want to do to help them? And why do you want to do it Like? What benefits do you get out of helping money and um, like if money wasn't a thing and time wasn't a thing.

Speaker 1: 20:57

Number two set clearly trackable and achievable goals. Like so simple. Like if you haven't got your goals personally tracked and and written down and listed out and you're not looking at them on a weekly or monthly basis, this is a damn sign. We've got modules and set the same. If you need, if you're listening to this, send me a dm. I'll send you our goal setting thing for free. You can just have that and just message me goal setting, like just DM me goal setting and then you know myself and my team will know We'll send you a module for free, which is really cool to help you go set. And you have a free template there of people to hold you accountable.

Speaker 1: 21:28

I don't care if it's your friends, I don't care if you come and join, set the standard community for your guy. I don't care if it's a group of people where you hang out with or if it's your partner, whatever it is. Get a group of people to hold you accountable, the best group that you can get of the same sex right, of the same sex or same sexual orientation as you and there's a group of three or more, and if you guys catch up on a weekly, fortnightly basis, whatever it is, and you just talk about your goals, you just talk about them and you talk about your purpose and your goals, you start to move towards them so quickly. So that's it for me.

Speaker 1: 22:04

If you love this podcast, please share to a friend who may need to listen to it, and if you want to come and join, set the standard. I absolutely love to have you on board. There's some links below. You can join our email list. We can get this email and reach out to me via email or reach out to me via DM on Instagram. Thank you so much for listening, guys. See you in the next one.