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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
Everything's Changing - Life Update #256
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If you’re new to my page my name’s Corey Boutwell. I’m the founder and CEO of men’s personal development company Set The Standard. I’m a professional bodybuilder, I have coached over 300 men to their full potential and created a multi six figure business in just 3 years. This podcast is where I share EVERYTHING I learn along the way.
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Guys, welcome to the podcast. Today I am invited, george on, to ask me questions on a bit of a life update, because we've been talking a lot recently and my life has a lot of drama. So I'm consistently having to use personal and professional development to remain consistent. But in that, what I think is really cool is, you know, when you set intentions and you really want to grow and you have these dreams, and whatever it is, life always sends you what you need to overcome to get there. And I feel, with a lot of the drama that I receive in my life which is just normal drama, but you know I like to be dramatic about it let's go. That's why I's go. Yeah, that's why I'm smoking. Yep.
Speaker 1:I feel that the lessons that have been taught have been extremely powerful, especially for people who are either going through a breakup if they have mild text addictions and they don't understand it. If they have suppressed anger and they don't know why, or if they suffer from strong Mr Nice Guy behaviors or syndrome. Right, so I brought in George to Pick your brain, dig in deep. So just to let everyone know like I've been majority of our coaching and set the standard over the last like four years almost four years has been been this exactly what we're talking about, so, and it's had the biggest breakthroughs and revelations for men and women together because, like the men have bring these things to the relationship.
Speaker 1:And just today I was talking to a client and he was like he didn't understand what validation meant because he never got validated from his parents. And he said I validated my ex-partner and the first thing that she said to me was you have no idea how turned on I was when you validated me. And he's like and usually at the moment that we were in, I would have broken and had sex with her and I didn't. And I was like well, that's because you validated her, because you've been validating a part of yourself, and because you validated her and you weren't suppressing it, your cravings that you would usually have for sex dissipated, which is just crazy. So just proof in the practice proof, proof in the pudding.
Speaker 2:I know who you're talking about as well, and that guy is the example of just leaning in, dude, just leaning in so much. Um. First question that came to my mind with all the drama that goes on in your life and, like cory said, it's drama that happens to everyone. Cory just has a way of expressing it and we just have this joke that you know. His life's very dramatic, but over the last couple months has been quite dramatic for like lack of a better term. But if you, what would cory five, six years ago, how would he handle the last two months of situation compared to how you've been able to handle it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is such a good question, such a good question. And just to preface the drama, it's just a breakup.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a breakup, but everything that comes with it like living situation, business moving just everything you know. Business moving just everything you know. When it rains, it pours, and it's been pouring.
Speaker 1:Best way to say that. So, dude, I think five or six years ago not a whole lot different, because at that stage was the first awakening for me to start learning about everything that I'm learning now, because I went through a breakup at that stage and it was a lot more mutual. Like people say, oh, we didn't have a mutual breakup. There was a legitimate mutual breakup. We both had different timelines and there was frustration and we both fell away because we're not going to get what we want and we're like we should call it, even though there's love there, we both didn't want the relationship. So, and during that time I reflected on myself because I was like I don't want this to happen again. I really don't want this to happen. So what can I do? So I just started researching everything on relationships and breakups and purpose and semen retention and I actually didn't know much about validation then, but just everything that could make me the ultimate version of myself. Because I was like, oh, I've got space to work on myself and I did, and I achieved all of that.
Speaker 1:And then, before this relationship that I got in, I was like I'm that guy. Right, I am that guy. Nothing can stop me. This is great and I've integrated everything, and then, throughout the relationship, little parts of me started slipping away and I'm more anxiously attached, so anxious attachment parts of me would lean into the relationship and then I got ego flared up. I feel like I got entitled and I was like, oh no, everything is fine because I've done all this research and I'm this guy, blah, blah, blah. And then you can't control relationships and one thing or another it's led into having a breakup and then moving houses and everything else. But what I will say is the person 10 years ago, how they would have acted. Because I've been extremely grounded during this breakup, like so it's probably like probably the most grounded I've ever felt in my entire life.
Speaker 2:What do you mean by grounded just for everyone?
Speaker 1:Another question by grounded, just for everyone. Another question so grounded is a state of being. I believe that you're in in terms of, even though that you're going through a lot of emotional vortexes and emotional pangs, and like your thought and brain is going like a million miles an hour, you still have this ability to be able to center yourself and regulate your nervous system and not feel the stress that comes for panic, overwhelmm, anxiety, depression, as much because you've already felt it, because it's when you hold on to those emotions where you become ungrounded and start reacting instead of taking time to go. What's the conscious choice that I want to make right now? So, a man who is grounded and usually it's done through breath, but it can also be done through awareness and awareness of your heart and your feelings that during this whole process I've just felt so like in my body which has been extremely interesting Like haven't really been panicking, haven't really been freaking out. There's moments where I feel sad and like I cry and I do feel, I would say, pangs of heartbreak, but no panicky situation. I get a little bit sometimes of them, like oh, I have to worry about something. I don't have to worry about it, I have to worry about something I don't have to worry about it and it's like this cycle, but that's like as bad as it's gotten.
Speaker 1:Ten years ago I would be stalking her stories. I would be watching everything that she's doing, I would be sending her messages. I'd be calling my friends every single night, needing to hold space for me for like two or three hours just to talk about it, for months on end. I would be like, basically the picture would be like curled up in a ball in my room, eating like shit, um, under the covers, watching tv, because I have no idea how to, to process any of the emotions that I'm feeling, and I would as much as I'm telling my friends, like my family and stuff there's a lot of other people that I would struggle to tell, and even myself, and I wouldn't be able to take responsibility for anything.
Speaker 1:I'd be like, oh, no, it's her fault and this thing, and blah, blah, blah. Um. When this time I feel like I've done the opposite and I've taken so much responsibility that it's been hard for me to, it's been really challenging for me to put like any fault on the relationship itself and be like, oh, the relationship wasn't working, so it's just been your fault, your fault, your fault and um and in, that's been like it was your responsibility and you've got to shift, and you've got to have this and it's like, well, maybe the relationship wasn't just working. So that'd be the difference for sure, which I think is really powerful for men to understand.
Speaker 2:And then with all the like, typical anxieties that you said you know would go through your mind in the example of, like 10 years ago. What are they Like? How do they actually show up? Or like the anxious feelings or the lashing out or the impulses, how do they actually show up? So, how do they show up now? No, how do they show up? Well, not so much for you, I'm saying for someone who isn't as grounded or has gone through a breakup, has no idea what to do, and they might not realize that the way that they're behaving or things that they're doing are impulses, are subconscious, like creeping out oh so crazy.
Speaker 1:My mind goes nuts over this. I'll just speak on a few fears and then how they act out. So men have fear of rejection, they seek validation, they fear of failure, they have imposter syndrome and, depending on their core wound will depend on how they end up acting out, which is really interesting. But sometimes they act out really similar but their intention is a little bit different and if someone has like big-time imposter syndrome, it might be different to someone who seeks validation, unless they're interreacted some way. But imposter syndrome essentially like someone who's seeking validation is usually something Imp syndrome, people who don't feel good enough.
Speaker 1:Right, they feel inadequate, they feel like a fraud, but essentially most of the common ways um, they'll lean into porn or only fans. I found out today I was just watching a piece of content and it's like one of the highest paid people in some sporting I can't remember it was it was like seven or eight million dollars in one federation and the highest only fans model is like 50 million dollars around. It was like 47, 48 million dollars or something like per year and it was crazy just knowing that like how much men paid them money one person that they can revenue all of that and it just like blew my brain.
Speaker 1:I was like wow, it really solidifies, because I felt alone myself in quote unquote sex addiction. But it's like, wow, so many men are going through the same thing and they just don't know how to control the urges of what's going on. So that's one huge thing that really comes up. I think probably the most in breakups is men having to deal with the sexual frustration. One because they were getting it in their relationship. Even if it wasn't that good, they were still getting some form of sex. And then, most of the time, towards the end of the relationship, what happens is the sex starts cutting off because the intimacy is not needed and because they're there, seeing their partner 24-7, they're like the sex and the love that I need is right there. And men commonly this is important for both genders to know is a lot of men the only way that they can receive love is with sex. That's the only way they know how to receive love. Crazy, right? Because at some stage, if we didn't get the love that we needed as a child, even if our parents gave us the love that quote that quote, unquote we needed, but our perception wasn't that, because some men they're like oh, I had all the love in the world, but for some reason, this isn't happening. It's like well, that's how you perceived it. So, whether you got love or not, how you perceived it is how it's going to affect you. And then your brain creates conditions and patterning to cope with whatever. Whatever was going on.
Speaker 1:So what happens is when they first start having sex, they have this experience of like oh, my goodness, look at this, this woman is opening her entire body to me, right, she's opening up her legs, she's opening up her body, she's bearing her breasts and she's giving me her love. And she's making noises with her mouth of pleasure, which is just completely opening up to me, like I've never felt so nourished before. And when a man goes through an experience as surreal as that of this, coming home feeling of like wow, this is what I was born to do that's when the addiction, the love addiction, starts. Because they're like wow, this is how I get loved. So when they get into a relationship 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s they still stuck in oh, my girlfriend doesn't love me if she doesn't give me sex. So then they turn into control freaks and manipulators to try to get sex with the intention and I'm guilty of this because I've done this multiple times it blows my brain how much it like falls in my oh my God, this again right, where it's like oh, the reason that you take them out for dinner and the reason that you do these things, and the reason is just so that you can get sex, and it makes you just do things a little bit more quickly, so you're like hurrying along so we can go home, then I can get sex right, which is toxic as hell. It's toxic as hell.
Speaker 1:But when men perceive that, you know well, of course, when that's the idea of how we're going to get sex, we start logically figuring out how we're going to get it, which is so sad because the need for sex is just a need for love and because they're not getting the intimacy at the end of the breakup, end of the relationship, while the breakup's starting to happen, they have this huge craving. And then, because they have most like most men have this not good enough energy or this need for external validation in this time, because they're not getting the good enough energy or they're not getting the external validation they need. It so like, why is my sex drive going up right after this? And that will lead them. Then their brain will get distracted and go. Well, if I see it on something, I'll create the same connection and I will get love. And you're a perv, you're a creep.
Speaker 1:All of this when all they're looking for is love the whole time and they know it because they're looking subconscious. Oh, I'm just gonna look at this so that I can no one can see me, because they feel shame and guilt around it, right? So I think that is a huge symptom. If, whatever way yeah, whatever avenue that the need for sex goes from is nuts, other ones anger, suppression, resentment so they'll lead into drinking, they'll lead into partying, they'll lead into mindless scrolling on their phone or playing video games just to try to not feel how angry and resentful they are. Because no one showed them as a child how to take responsibility for something. So if they have to take responsibility for something that's emotional, they find it extremely challenging and it feels so overwhelming. They're like why can't I deal with this? How come I'm?
Speaker 2:so triggered. What's an example of taking emotional responsibility?
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah. So an example of taking emotional responsibility. Let's say, for example, your partner says something to you and it's like, hey, just letting you know you do this thing and it frustrates the hell out of me and I don't like it and it makes me feel really upset's like, hey, just letting you know you do this thing and it frustrates the hell out of me and I don't like it and it makes me feel really upset and like I need space.
Speaker 2:But no one communicates like that. No one communicates like that. So how would it be communicated? Just, I'm trying to like make it so relatable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, just like you know, I'm so upset with you, yeah, I'm so upset with you, and you never hear me.
Speaker 2:I upset with you and you never hear me. I'm so upset with you because you did x and you never listened to me.
Speaker 1:I told you so many times, yeah, you know what I mean, um, and you never do this thing. How come you don't do it? And, as a guy, like, oh, so, like you know, like emotional responsibility could be, like might you, might logically because this commonly happens for men you might logically go well, that doesn't make sense and what you've done is actually unfair because of x, y, z, a plus b plus c, like what you're saying is actually irrelevant. You know what I mean and I heard this really good tool, because I'm like women are speaking from emotions in that perspective, so men try to rationally figure it out instead of like taking emotional responsibility, which is, I learned from Alison Armstrong it's a really good tip this week actually and the thing that you want to say is I'm sorry, I hurt your feelings.
Speaker 1:And it makes so much sense because it's like, well, regardless of the situation, what happened, you were there at the right time and her feelings got hurt, so you were the cause of it, right At the end of it. So if you go, I'm so sorry for it, I hurt your feelings, but also, so that is kind of taking emotional responsibility. She's feeling emotions, there's emotions happening in the relationship and you go okay, right, I take responsibility for that and I can understand how you feel in that moment and being able to communicate like that and take on the burden of the emotions and actually feel them is amazing. And also, when you do do something wrong and you do fuck up and there could be a way that you could worm out of it if you wanted to, it's not doing that. It's like I dropped you in that moment and that's unfair on you. No, I apologize about that. I will be better.
Speaker 1:You know, what I mean, it's owning that. So by being able to do that as a guy, you get it off your chest, you open up into vulnerability and then most of the time you turn around and we'll just say thank you so much for saying that. Like I feel so heard and safe. Now that you mentioned something, we go, oh, thank God, like as men when that happens. But most of the time we'll always try to fight that responsibility because it's too difficult for us to feel at the moment because we weren't used to being validated, so it's just validation. Like what I did just then was just like an example of if you were a woman and you were triggered at something and I actually did something wrong, it's like, well, how can I just validate her experience, like right now, and it's such a critical tool so that I did the sex, the anger suppression. What are the other symptoms that people suffer from?
Speaker 1:I would say overworking is the other one, and it's just distraction, distraction, yeah, it's just distraction to avoid the feelings of what's happening. And then essentially it's sort of like planting a time bomb, because you have to go through and feel it anyway. And if you plant the time bomb and try to let the fuse diffuse over a period of time, it's going to show up in some way, shape or form. Like you take it out on your staff or your employees, or you'll just you know you'll work for years on end or you know you'll start avoiding taking time for yourself and, just like you know, start thinking oh, what can I do? What can I do? Then, like you know, a year later, or two, two years later, you're like oh man, I'm still not over this relationship. You get into a relationship with someone else. All the same triggers come up and you just go fuck.
Speaker 1:Like that can happen so I'm very happy with the relationships that I've had from my 20s to 30s to be able to learn and grow through so much personally from all of them, which is wild because every single relationship, like the patterns for me, have changed or had to get so much louder and there's been like a lot of errors. I'm like, oh, I fixed that, healed that. That one was good, this is great. Looked at this one, I can analyze this one. This is great. I can feel this one one. This is amazing. But then there's a few that I didn't have language around this year, like I didn't have language around being a control freak or a manipulator or needing validation or approval, like none of those languages. That language that I learned this year through the chaos that's been happening. I have never had language like my whole life on that one and I'm like, oh, having this language is so good and relay it back to the guys and set the standard and they're like this yeah, it's fantastic.
Speaker 2:That's crazy. So, aside from the breakup, what else has been kind of hectic in this period in regards to like conversations that you've been having, things in business, things showing up in business, like, like being like unclear on exactly what we're doing, and all those things Like I feel like it's really, you know, it got to like a bottleneck with everything that was going on, like with the relationship with you going through a breakup, you learning all these things, and then, like all the realizations you were having, you were like, oh, like this is leaking into other areas of my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how was that happening, dude? Other areas of my life like yeah, how was that happening, dude, it's crazy. It all comes down to a need for approval. I was at, like, the bridging extreme leadership event and that press and smiles and alexi panels run, and on the last day I literally woke up in the morning and felt it felt like I was on mushrooms and I was like I haven't had mushrooms this week because I microdose.
Speaker 1:So I was like, okay, and when I'm on mushrooms, what I notice is that I can like read someone's energy so clearly, like I know what they're saying with their body language and their intention, depending of what the words come out of their mouth, and it tells me everything about them. It tells me how authentic they are, it tells me their intentions, it tells me their bond towards me. Like it's just full on, just fully reading this person's energy and it just hits me in here and I just have this knowing. It's really weird. And when it's on mushrooms, I'm like is this real or is this just like a mushroom experience? And then it wasn't until that day when I was like, oh no, this is definitely real and because I've gone through so much transformational exercises, it's just so awake and the whole day I was just like, oh, this is so overwhelming and I want it to stop. It felt like some sort of like spiritual awakening and it hasn't stopped. It hasn't stopped since. The whole time I'm like, oh, this keeps happening when I'm not like working or focusing on something. The second I'm chilling. I'm like I feel this person's entire energy and I think it's because the need for approval. I'm like starting to let that go and I didn need for approval. I'm like starting to let that go and I didn't realize to the last day that it all come from essentially like my parents. It's like everything comes from my parents. But I was like man, I just needed approval from them.
Speaker 1:So bad that I've set up everything in my life where it's friends and relationships, so that people will confirm my own beliefs about myself, towards me, everything I was like my whole business. I set up to get confirmation right. Whole business is like cory, you're doing a good job. Oh, thank you. You know what I mean. Oh, cory, you have this like.
Speaker 1:I remember this one time because one part of it's great, right, because, like, you do get to have that. It's not saying it's a bad thing, it's like, you know, one part of it's amazing, but the other part of it is like okay, what? What is this out of manipulation? I remember this one time I was sitting at a table with like eight powerful men and we just did like a meditation and then I just sat there and they all just kept thanking me like one at a time, and I had to stop everyone. Hey guys, like just letting you know this day is about us, not about me. I appreciate the thank you so much and it's really overwhelming, but, like, let's talk about something else over validated bro.
Speaker 1:I was like over validated and it's talking to the end, sorry, yeah, I thought I thought about that a lot like the last two years and I'm like man, I've had so much validation from people and I'm like there's a part of me that just like I feel because you can't always get it from external sources like it's great, but it was hard for me to receive because I realized I don't validate myself that way, which can make it really difficult for a partner, did it feel?
Speaker 2:like that's a good question. Did it feel, was it like ever hard for you to believe the validation coming from partners, though? Like was it hard for it to actually hit your body, like if you you know you have that need for approval all the time and it would come through in the way you act and talk and do things. Did it ever feel like when you got it from a partner, it was still never enough? Oh, definitely sometimes felt like it was never enough.
Speaker 2:Because sometimes you know, it's like you know you can kind of get what is it? It's like you almost get like oversaturated with compliments from partners and friends and stuff and you're like, oh, like you know, mum always says that she's so proud of me and there was times in my life when I was younger when my ego was a bit hectic and I was just a bit more like not as emotionally aware that I'd just be like I wouldn't hide that yawn.
Speaker 1:Like a G.
Speaker 2:Sorry, like a G, but like you would kind of be like oh, like you know, of course mom's proud of me, whereas now, like she says that and I'm like, oh, I can do that. Did that ever come up in your like relationship? I'm just like kind of seeing that I don't know if I'm just assuming that that would happen. I'm just kind of seeing, yeah, and and just picking that out I don't know about you, but I felt like a drug addict.
Speaker 1:For validation, it's like, no matter how much I got, it was never enough. I used to get that like comment. It's like oh, nothing I ever do for you is enough. Corey, my mum used to say it oh, nothing I ever do is ever enough. And then I used to feel like that when I was working and performing because my childhood I did a lot of singing, dancing and acting, so, like when I was at school, however many hours we do at school, I was doing half the amount of school hours extra a week on everything else. So it was like it just felt like nothing I could do was ever enough. So 100%, yes. So I would say that whole thing throughout the whole year essentially like for 2024, was so present and I couldn't see it. So it led to this, I would say, second guessing. It led to this overanalyzing and overthinking where I was a lot in my head and I became less connected to spirit, because a man, when he's clear on his purpose and his vision, you have to have some sort of spiritual practice.
Speaker 2:When you're not connected to your spirit, you're not in spirit, therefore, you're not inspiring and you're just you spirit. You're not in spirit, therefore, you're not inspiring and you're just cooked.
Speaker 1:Inspiring In spirit, bro, that's one of the words I do. I never even thought of that.
Speaker 2:Really.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let me shake your hand again.
Speaker 2:Mum told me that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, your mum is a G.
Speaker 2:Because she's a lot more Christian than I am. Well, I believe in God and all that stuff, but I don't, I'm not well-versed.
Speaker 1:You're just fully dedicated to the faith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, not well-versed in the Bible and all that stuff. But yeah, mum said it once and she was like, well, yeah, when you're in spirit, it's inspiring, inspiring. I'm just like mum myself for putting these props here.
Speaker 1:So good, bro, but even just regards to like these men's book that you got here Men and His Symbols and King War and Magician Lover oh man, I've read so many men's books this year and I've joined like a lot of men's programs and with our own retreats and everything else and watching countless hours of videos of the best of the best. All the men's work. Stuff's just getting spiritual essentially, and then combining spirit with purpose and then making it come to fruition with business.
Speaker 2:okay so spirit, how would you define? You know how you said like I was not like connected as much to my spirit and like it wasn't, you know, being inspiring or anything like that. Like how, how, not so much, or how can you be more inspiring and how can you be in spirit or connect more with your spirit? But, like, what are some actual things that most men don't do or that avoid, that they think are like stupid, and you know it's like airy fairy and all this stuff that could just dramatically change their life or just the way they look at things and relationships and approval, and all the stuff we've been talking about.
Speaker 1:I'm not 100% sure, but what I do know is intuition Like listening to your intuition. As a man, I feel like is so important that makes more sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's like the kind of just like staying more true to your word, or like that internal dialogue and following through on it.
Speaker 1:Integrity, integrity, yes, but it's integrity with your intuition.
Speaker 2:Yes, right.
Speaker 1:And I feel like for men like there's a lot of men's coaches who just talk about things like meditating, right the book, deep Work, cal Newport, take time, like Carl Jung and all the people did one. Seven days, just you, nothing else, regularly. Um stefan anio, it was like he would just go and fast in the jungle until he'd complete a book and he wouldn't eat until he'd finish the book. I was like that's fucking genius, bro, like actual genius dude.
Speaker 2:Imagine your brain like seven days in.
Speaker 1:Dude he'd go like he'd do like 18 to 25 day fasts until he finished a book. Dude, he was like dude, I just woke up, wrote, went to bed Until he's like, and I've finished seven books.
Speaker 2:And how long.
Speaker 1:that took me Seven really long fasts. It was something like that Like he finished a bunch of books and he'd just go fast forward. That's crazy, yeah, and he said his body would heal the whole time. You know what I mean, Because most men well, I would assume.
Speaker 2:well, we've all got this internal dialogue right and we all kind of know what we should be doing, but we don't do it. We don't do it. That's what the integrity to your word is.
Speaker 1:And then that would be more feeling, my intuition, like the last couple of months. And it's all those little moments because I quiet them down, because I'm such an overthinker and overanalyzer. It's all these quiet little moments where my body's just like screams me have. This thought just pops in your head hey, do this? What? Oh, I felt that one. No, no, no, disregard that.
Speaker 1:Like there was this voice in my head throughout the year that was like, because I was like I want to get married to my ex-partner and it was just like don't get a ring yet, right? And I was like I'll wait for the right time for that one. And there's another voice that goes in my head Break up with her before she breaks up with you. Whoa, right, voice is popped in multiple times. Break up with her before she breaks up with you, because you've never broken up with a partner and your greatest lesson is going to be learning how to end and break up with something properly. It was a thought that come in and I had an emotional reaction to it. So I was like, oh, no way was what I said and just kept going, and I didn't remember that until like three weeks ago. I was like, oh, my goodness, that popped up a few times and I didn't, and I got slammed, but throughout that.
Speaker 1:So I'm like that's for men, the intuitions are just like divine thoughts that have an emotion attached to it. That's how you can recognize them. So I feel like for being in spirit. You have to spend alone time as a guy to get really clear on that, because when you don't, that's when you spend 10, 20, 30 years building something that you're like also really proud of, but when it's finished you go this isn't what I want to do. I want to do something else.
Speaker 1:And after reading all the men's books, it's like that age is around like 40, 45. And then when they hit 40, 45, they go back to usually what they wanted to create most when they were a kid. They go for this whole like prince knight hood to get to being a king, and then they go wrong kingdom. I'm going to build what I really wanted to build the whole time, because they avoid it and I noticed that for me Didn't want to start podcasting, didn't want to bodybuild, didn't want to be doing what I was doing now, and then, as soon as I did them, I was like, oh, this is what I need to be doing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, this is what I need to be doing. Yeah, yeah, 100 it's. Um. There are a lot of times that I notice where, like you know, some people in my like inner circle of friends or outer circle of friends you know you, because I get up quite early every day, exercise regularly, um, I'm like out and about most days like real early, kind of by myself as well, like I'll go and go for a run and I'll just be in my brain for a bit, and the days that you know, we all do that together. Or it's like a really rare day where, like, everyone joins in for a run or everyone comes and gets coffee at 7 am and they're like oh man, I feel so good, how fun is this.
Speaker 2:And you're like dude, you get to do this all the time. You know what I mean. But you, you set up your life in a certain way or you think, oh, I should be here, I should be doing this, but it's like you can't serve anyone else or anything else unless you serve yourself. So it's like anytime I try to recreate, like why do we go back to yoke all the time?
Speaker 2:because it's so fun you know what I mean and you get the choice to do so and, yes, we, we can like work wherever we want and all that stuff, and not everyone can, but you know, you set up your life in a certain way to create the best experience for yourself and you, you have permission. So I think that's just like a huge thing, just from my perspective, that you don't realize until you do it that you've just got permission to really do whatever you want.
Speaker 1:Yep and a lot of like. On that, I feel a lot of men don't give themselves permission to do what they want because they have this inner need to provide, and then they sacrifice anything, everything, out of a sense of duty. So they will stay in a relationship and not break up with their partner because they have a duty to provide. And that's what makes them ignore the intuition, ignore what's nice, ignore what's fun, and then we think, out of a sense of duty, I get locked in and do this and life's not allowed to be fun. Because this was my experience, right, my. My experience was the only time I get love and this was what I created as a kid was when I work hard as fuck and when I win. So for me, working hard does not mean fun. I've got to be just grinding work. You're not working with me. Sometimes you'd be like cory I am.
Speaker 1:I've had it I want to relax I'm just at it right, because I'm just like, I just want to go go, go, go, go, go like non-stop and there's nothing wrong with that, and I feel like, as a real good leader, would make a sense of that real hard work, they'd make it fun, right? Or if I wasn't winning. So if we're not absolutely kicking goals and progressing every single month, it's depression and anxiety straight up instead of, like you know, this is like how can we creatively get fun and creatively try to solve these problems? I'm like, ah, damn, that got reflected in the relationship where I realized myself. I'm like, oh man, I haven't really been as fun as what my personality is because, because I have this sense of providing and duty, I have to lock in, work hard and win, otherwise I can't do that, and then I don't get love too. So essentially, what I learned somewhere the study in culture and histories was humans run through like 40 to 50 year cycles, something like that.
Speaker 1:It was like 40 and 80 year cycles and something like that, but anyway, we're essentially going 80-year cycles, something like that, but anyway, we're essentially going through a period of the 70s again. If you look at it, it was like a 40-year cycle, like being in the 2020s.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like 40, 50 years, right and during.
Speaker 1:If you think about the 70s, you just think about festivals, doobies, hippies, colourful shirts, long hair and all of that and during. That stage was when, like the revolution for women to really like, they come through with feminism like give us everything.
Speaker 1:And now, like I would say from my experience and what I know is like most places it's equal, equal and everyone's like calmed down, is like what I feel. I know that there is definitely like movements and rights for both, but it's really interesting, you know, studying the laws and the dynamics of men and women, cause one thing that I learned I thought this was really cool Men are so good at focusing and it doesn't take us energy to focus. And Alison Armstrong talks about this and I thought her book was great, cause she was like I'd hear thoughts. How do you think women focus? Yeah, if we focus on one thing, how would they focus?
Speaker 2:Well, the way you present that question means that they would focus on multiple things at once.
Speaker 1:See, yeah, that's wrong, right? They have this thing called diffused awareness. They don't focus.
Speaker 2:Diffused awareness.
Speaker 1:That's what it's called. Yeah, they don't focus, right. And then she put all these examples and if any women listen they'll be like, huh, maybe not, maybe not do that, whatever. But she just put all these examples of how she does it and all the women were like, oh my God, me too. And I was like, oh, that makes like a lot of sense.
Speaker 1:And when a woman has to sit down and get on a spreadsheet, get on a computer and start organizing things, she has to be really focused.
Speaker 1:So she builds this muscle you know to like really get awesome at focusing and that is really masculine, right.
Speaker 1:And then for men having diffused awareness and it's not a good or bad thing, and then men having diffused awareness is harder to be able to let go, surrender and just allow things to happen is harder for men because it's emotionally than us just going, no, just do that, be efficient and focused, right. So now, when we get into relationships, relationships, it's like being able to balance both. I think when the timing is needed, right, like I think you have to get really clear on the other person and understand when they're in diffused awareness and when they're focused, and when you're in diffused awareness and when you need to be focused and when they show up in the relationship and then be able to communicate them together, because there is going to be passions and purposes that a woman wants to achieve if that's her personality type and that's on her heart. There's going to be passions and purposes that a man wants to achieve and love that he wants to open up to, depending on who he is, and figuring out what they are, I think, is the key.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's really interesting, but it takes a lot of time for it to happen. But what we definitely know for sure is that I feel like people are going so conscious this is what I'm seeing people are getting so conscious into all of this right and going so deep into masculine and feminine, and then what they're doing is they're consciously choosing traditional roles. So they'll go and the woman will be crushing and killing it doing all these things and the man will be trying to crush it and killing it doing these things and the next minute she'll use all her business skills. I see this happen with coaches. She's an excellent marketer, she's great focus, she's great creative. Then she'll help her partner. He will start doing well in business because she's helping him with everything, because she's really smart and genius with all the creative brain. Then he goes yeah, I'll show up and kick ass, because he's usually more. He's learned how to develop his emotions and he can hold a lot of emotional space and like kick ass with whatever the product that he delivers.
Speaker 1:And then they choose a traditional and it's like I'm just like I don't want to work as much anymore, like no, thank you. And there's a lot of um, uh, women that I do speak to who go out and prove to themselves that they have all the independence in the world and then give it up. But at the same time, I know from like, from talking to most women on this is that they want to have it all. They want to have this independence, feeling that they have themselves and be completely provided for at the same time. And I think, understanding that as a guy in a world where we live in so much freedom, like being able to support your partner to have that is the goal. But we can't have that unless we are truly free with both ourselves. And we can do that from a guy of just learning the skill of vulnerability. And you do that by getting rid of guilt and shame and being able to talk about your emotions. Oh yeah, so with all the skills that you've learned over these last two, months, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So, with all the skills that you've learned over these last two months, what's next? And just bearing in mind, just to the listeners, this is great because this is meant to be like two 20-minute podcasts and we're just rolling through for an absolute. This is a good show. Anyway, for the next couple, well, yeah, what are the next couple months going to look like for you, with all the skills that you've learned, and what are you like, mainly going to focus on just you? Because I even jokingly said to you today like you're going to get used to being like solitude cory, yeah, because you well don't do as well. Well, not don't do as well, but like you just like being around people and experiencing things with people do.
Speaker 1:My personality type is like every time I do a test it's like 89 to 98 extroverted and I'm like well, if I play into my left hand that is yeah, it's crazy like, literally, I can have the most downest days and I just go see people.
Speaker 1:I feel better, I'm like yay, um. And what I know for sure is playing to the opposite hand is every time that I've been by myself is when I've had the most proud, profound experiences. That's when, for me, I've been able to sit in introspection and actually do things that are introspective and write and journal and feel, and it's always giving me the biggest benefits for life because I can use my extroversion for somewhere else. So I feel like my biggest I can use my extroversion for somewhere else. So I feel like my biggest skill to use is extroversion, is introversion. So what's next?
Speaker 1:Essentially, it's just integrating this and teaching it. Like it's as simple as that, like that's the reason I created Set, the Standard Community and whatever I've learnt and mastered I teach in there. So I've got fitness. That's why we had Instagram. Like teaching business through Instagram. That's why we have the purpose process of understanding one's purpose. Like I know my purpose and it's like the best thing ever. I've had it for the longest time.
Speaker 1:What do we also teach in there? We've got an embodiment program and then we have emotional intelligence programs in there as well. Like it's so cool and a lot of live coaching for what I needed. I was like man, I wish I had this thing like I think. I look at sometimes other people's communities and I'm like I wish they set it up like ours. I really do so. Yeah, integrating it and and teaching it and writing and podcasting and maintaining an amazing physique, maintaining helping, coaching and leading men through retreats, and that's essentially it. You're going to get abs better than glins, getting my abs better than glins. Glyn's a head coach and set the standard and he is shredded 24-7. We're doing a six-pack process course together.
Speaker 2:Actually no, he does so well to-.
Speaker 1:He's maintained.
Speaker 2:To, like you do see him come back up and increase his calories when he stops fasting. And then, once he starts fasting, I'm like, okay, we're on. In 20 weeks he's going to be absolutely like diced.
Speaker 1:Shredded Zilla, which is, yeah, something we teach in like six-pack process, which is really cool and yeah, so having him on the side is just freaking great. What a standard to hold. But yeah, so a lot of what I'll um teach is I think I'm going to be creating some stuff around how to process a breakup, because I was talking to a friend recently and he'd been working with a lot of men who had some serious mental health issues on the borderline of like suicide, and it was like most of these guys just come from a bad breakup. Hey, there's a lot of guys who in business were like not, couldn't figure things out. They're like, oh, why doesn't this happen? Blah, blah, blah trying to do this and they're getting sick and started partying and didn't understand what was going on and getting overweight and it was just because they cheated on their missus. Three years ago she found out, left him, took his stuff, all his money and everything and he doesn't know how to process it. He's got like no tools for that and I was just like this.
Speaker 1:What I've learned over having like just my history was I was like 19 to 21. I was in a relationship where I got cheated on by a partner like 10, 10 times. I actually just slept with, including friends, just all these other people. I found out about it and I became the biggest anxious attachment control freak in the world, always going through a phone and finding shit. There was no time that I didn't go through a phone and not find anything, but anyway. Then I went to like a good relationship after that, because it wasn't, with someone who was not toxic. When we were in a relationship for a year broke my heart and then I got into another relationship with someone where it was a three year, three and a half year long relationship. We were close to marriage and kids and I was like I haven't fulfilled what I need to fulfill in this earth yet. I don't feel worthy to have kids and get married. I haven't done anything to deserve it.
Speaker 1:Breakup Literally found my dream partner, everything that I wanted Textbook Like from the list, like wrote down the manifestation list right did the manifesting got the partner literally works. I'm like manifestation, this shit works. Full semen retention for seven months. Didn't ejaculate how good. Quit masturbating, didn't masturbate for like four or five years. Channeling my sexual energy, becoming successful, chasing my passion and my purpose. Dream girl, boom. Breakup happening. Look at this. So I feel like a lot of my journey for helping people is overcoming the shame and the guilt and becoming so solid in yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that, regardless of what happens in relationships or what happens when essentially you have an attachment to something and it goes, you get, you don't just maintain, you get stronger and better. You see it as an initiation into the next phase or cycle of your life and you're not just sitting there on the sidelines like you're leaning in, you're learning and you're coming out an absolute beast, which is what I've been doing, and I feel real proud of myself. I get emotional thinking about it.
Speaker 2:I'm like dude crushing it. You've been crushing it, bro, within all the turmoil.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Thank you and crushing it isn't just like, just it's feeling, it too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, feeling when you crush it comes first. Yeah, manifestation list would you change anything on it? Moving forward like actively I don't know if that's like a hectic question to ask, yeah, I definitely would.
Speaker 1:Just a little bit, because it's pretty much perfect. But there's some things in there that I didn't see that I wanted which now I know that I want that is definitely there and it's more. What I real desire in a relationship like in the other person is like the cat's so cute.
Speaker 1:It's just that's okay, it's fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what I desire in a relationship is just like it's this I think these things that come along with womanhood which doesn't regardless of age, doesn't matter which creates this sort of really milky, chocolatey, silky softness chocolatey, silky softness, right, that I feel I crave because I didn't get it like from my mom, right, so I didn't get that sense of because mom was, um, someone to hold on to things really tightly.
Speaker 1:And that's probably the only thing that I'll change is I was like that for me is kind of like a no, is like a, is like a no-go, because I've always gone with women who have the personality of fire, which is, you know, type A personality Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, let's go.
Speaker 1:And I find that super attractive and I feel like for, like my next partner, regardless if they are completely fire or not, I feel like I need someone who's a little bit more water, so, turning the water volume knob up where they're just a little bit more water, so turning the water volume knob up where they're just a little bit more, yeah, soft and flowy, and I'm like cool, that's literally it that I would change, because I was like I got exactly what I wanted. Like exactly what I wanted and I feel like it was literally like the best relationship ever and I have all the like the most respect and and admiration um for my last partner and I'm like cool, this is, that's like the only thing that for me is just like a no-go that I'll change and I feel like it's as a guy I'm so happy to to be able to land on something like that yeah, that's powerful, bro.
Speaker 2:Um, I guess that'd be about it, bro.
Speaker 1:Like thank you, everyone knows what you're doing, knows that you're okay, because you get a lot of messages asking like yeah we shifted up our content to really relate to men who are going through the experience because it's like, you know, for me, um, we, you know, we are helping men in these areas and I I was like, oh cool, this is like the best test for me for content to share the process of my breakup and how I'm going through it and what needs to happen for a man, because no one else is teaching us. And I was like, well, if there's anyone that can do it, it's me. I've done it enough times now that I know exactly what's coming. I know what it looks like, I know what you've got to do, I know how to manage it, I know how to emotionally manage it. I understand all the thoughts, impulses, urges and everything that like comes up in your brain and I know when I'm doing things to you know, seek validation or try to get feminine approval.
Speaker 1:And for me it's like, yeah, all those things are good and you understand that you've got to run through your processes, but at some to like, notice what you're doing and come back to yourself, which is great. How can I choose me consistently? And that's it, that's it. Yeah, that's what relationships just choosing yourself with someone else bro, happy life, happy wife bro Bro.
Speaker 1:Thank you for saying that. I was telling George I was like dude, happy wife, happy life is anxious attachment. It is happy wife said. Happy wife, happy life. Mate. Let you anxiously attached, oh yeah, and then probably rebound out of that with avoidance, oh yeah. So it's happy life if you have a happy, exciting life and you're focusing on you and your life and making it fun and exciting and all the things and you know that person is supporting you entirely in that.
Speaker 2:That's why I think, like why do you think it's so good at the start of a relationship? You know what I mean? Because it's like, really, when you are single, you're only focusing on yourself because that's what you've got to focus on, and you're like creating the best version of themselves. And when you come together, you're like, oh, this is amazing, so just recreate that all the time, bro yes, a relationship coming together, bro, is literally two stars from two different universes colliding.
Speaker 1:That is the energy. Think about it Two stars colliding, two completely different universes. That's why it's so much energy going. But then you think about like two universes colliding. It's like they start fucking jamming and whatever it is, but it's kind of like it's two universes having their own cycles traveling through the universe together.
Speaker 1:So it's like, yeah, it really is focusing on how can I consistently make my life awesome and have them be a part of it, and remembering that, because I didn't you know, I mean I didn't remember that and like there's parts of me that knew it, my intuition knew it, but because there was feelings that I was scared to feel my head would over program itself and over analyze and just over thinking I do this, this, this, this, this, this, instead, because that's what you need to do, because of all the books that I read and I didn't listen to, like internally, like what was most needed in those moments and it was like, oh, like if I was to go back through and do it again, it was like cool, just make your life better. That's it More friends, more fun, more organizing, less stress, more presence, more journaling, more meditating 100 presence, more journaling, more meditating, 100%, bro, thanks. Thank you, bro, elite bro.
Speaker 2:Where can they find you, mate? It's your podcast, by the way. You've got to tell them.
Speaker 1:Well, everyone's here Got a masterclass coming up on Thursday.
Speaker 2:Every Thursday.
Speaker 1:On this. Yeah, See you guys there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, masterclass Corey Batwell on Instagram. That's it. Coming up with Thursday every Thursday on this. Yeah, see you guys there. Yeah, master class Corey battle on Instagram. That's it. You can find everything you need on Corey bellow.