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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
How To Be More Masculine Without Being Toxic with Shaun Cooke #264
The War on Masculinity & The Awakening of the King Within
In this episode, we dive deep into the truth about modern masculinity, breaking down the myths of toxic masculinity, the power of vulnerability, and how men can reclaim their strength in today’s world.
Shaun Cooke, a men’s coach and leader in personal transformation, joins us to discuss how grief, self-awareness, and embracing the Wild Man archetype can unlock the king within every man.
What We Cover:
•Why most men feel lost – The silent crisis happening right now
•Awakening the king within – What it really means to step into your power
•The war on masculinity – How society shapes and shames masculinity today
•Toxic masculinity vs. true strength – Separating fact from fiction
•Mastering anger and compassion – Why most men struggle with emotions
•Brotherhood and community – The number one thing that keeps men from growing
•The Wild Man archetype – How embracing your primal nature changes everything
•Lessons from grief and hardship – Turning pain into leadership
•Nature, challenge, and growth – The masculine path back to authenticity
•Why men must embrace their true power – The key to a richer, stronger life
This episode isn’t just another conversation about masculinity. It’s a wake-up call.
If you feel stuck, disconnected, or like something’s missing, this is the deep dive you’ve been waiting for.
Listen now and step into your power.
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No, I'm going to-.
Speaker 2:I had to get locked in. Let's go. Let's go. My friend Sean Cook, thank you so much for coming on to the show. You are a wild man's master coach and men's group facilitator. You have done most of your coaching has all been referral-based, which is absolutely insane. You've spent around four years in a tent in Northern America, canada, where it has been freezing to enhance your own masculinity, especially after the catalyst of your dear old man passing away. You've built houses in the wood from scratch. You were my coach in the bridge. Experience Opened up my heart. Thank you for that. You've got your NLP certification. You've done the elementum coaching with Preston Smiles and you've been a facilitator at the Bridge Experience. You also had six years experience in the coaching space. Thank you for coming on to the show. Thank you, man. Pleasure to be here. I'm excited to have you here. So the first point that I just want to mention and say for us to talk on is awaken the king within. What does that mean to you? Like in the king within. What does that?
Speaker 1:mean to you. So I believe that all men have a king inside them, and by that I mean a sovereign, powerful, capable being that looks after his world and those in it, being that looks after his world and those in it. And most of our young adult lives and teenage lives we spend putting bricks up in front of our king as we learn from society what to do, what not to do, what's good, what's not, and awakening the king within is the process of taking those bricks down so that the king can come forward and actually rule his kingdom.
Speaker 2:Crazy.
Speaker 2:I felt that from you when you were first coaching me at Bridge, because it was my second time that I went to the retreat.
Speaker 2:It was absolutely mind-blowing. And what I noticed when we were going through all the exercises and I think this is really fascinating because we talk about people who can talk the talk and walk the walk I think you really walk the walk, like you nailed that in embodiment piece, because whenever there was compliments or exercises or seeing through the bullshit, like in in real time, like I can't explain to the listeners what it's like when you're at a retreat or an experience where you're literally getting tested from every single angle, which is seeing your capacity for your confidence, highlight your insecurities and everything like that and you were able to like cut through all the bullshit. And what I noticed when we respected about you was just like the words that you said, with the embodiment that you have, was just so real and it was so admirable and it really did have that like sovereign energy and I feel like for me, I feel like so many business leaders, so many men, so many husbands that skill would completely transform their lives thank you, man, and I agree completely like there.
Speaker 1:We have so many men out there that are boys in men's bodies, people who don't know or are afraid of their own masculinity and I'm going to tangent here a little bit. When we talk about toxic masculinity, that's what it is it's boys who have men's tools and don't know what to do with them.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So what do you mean by that? Like what are the tools? Like what are the tools and why do they need them?
Speaker 1:Well, let's start with the scary one danger Danger. Being able to hunt, being able to fuck shit up, that's a tool, but it needs to be well used, right? A sword is an incredible tool for cutting things, for defending people, but if you're just running around your town waving it around and cutting everybody, of course people are going to be afraid of you, right? So, danger anger these are tools that we have in our tool belt and that, when used properly, when embodied in a sovereign and controlled way, actually make people feel safer around this. Right, when a samurai was in a village, people knew they were safer. And if someone went up to him and said, I'm gonna kick your ass, you know what he do, he would probably just laugh at them Because he knew that he was a master of his danger. He knew that he was a master of his life and his death and he wouldn't use it unless it was actually needed. And it's that knowledge of our danger and that we don't need to use it unless needed that makes people feel safe, right? So that's one of the tools we can. We can keep going.
Speaker 1:I mean, like the one of the flip sides of that is is compassion, right?
Speaker 1:A lot of people in the modern world see men as closed off right, and men see men as closed off because I need to close off my compassion, I need to close off my feelings so that I can get shit done.
Speaker 1:But really, if you know how to use your compassion when it is needed in a way that is effective, then it will make everything that you do even better. Right, if you can step in when someone's struggling and, instead of just say you're doing it fucking wrong, do it better, and you can lift them up and enroll them in what they're doing as a leader and I believe all men, every person is a leader, let alone all men and part of being a leader is enrolling people, and part of enrolling people is being compassionate for where they're at Right. So these are all tools that we have. There's one more I want to mention, because I think it is the quintessential and essential tool of the masculine, and that is containment being able to hold a space, a person, your partner, yourself, your sexual urges, your angers, all of this If a man learns how to contain first himself.
Speaker 2:There's nothing they can get in his way. There's so many points that I want to speak to on that, but one of the first ones I think is really cool is the word danger. Right d, anger, capital d for big dick, baby d, and then compassion is, you know, calm and then passion. I believe that, like anger and like passion, is just anger suppressed. I was really interested in that. It's like you know, if you've what I was. The conclusion I was drawing to as you were talking, was if you heal your relationship with anger, you become more compassionate, 100% Because you've got it there, which I find is like really interesting. Now I do want to talk about this danger a little bit, because you're someone who's experienced that.
Speaker 2:We were having a conversation about you in Canada and it's freezing right, you. But you in canada, and it's freezing right, you're just living in a tent because you want to, because you want to get in touch with your masculine masculinity, because you're like cities, don't like it. I'm gonna be out here, right, I'm gonna go there to like do my work, but I like being out here. This is where I like being. And you're telling me stories around bears like approaching your campsite and your dog just like barking at these like bears to shoo them off. And you said it in a ways and you're like, yeah, bears just come up and like and I'm like, what the hell man, are you serious? That's like, that's like a bear. I mean, yeah, we got poisonous animals in australia, but like that, that's a bear, dude, you know. And um, I feel like you, just being in in nature, like that, your relationship with danger would have just been. I believe it'd be tested and that's why it's been so integrated. Tell me more about that.
Speaker 1:So, to come back to the samurai, one of their practices was to meditate on their own death every single day. Memento mori is that the maybe, I don't know I get, and when I was out in nature, out where there are bears and wolves and lynx and moose and elk, all of them and moose are more dangerous, right?
Speaker 2:they kill more people than bears, don't they?
Speaker 1:yeah, moose are grumpy motherfuckers.
Speaker 1:I steer further clear of moose than bears so crazy but it's something that I almost didn't have to think about, that there was danger, possible danger, anytime I went out, but my unconscious would think about that, and so I had the opportunity to meditate on death almost every single day, because I'd be out running, I'd be out walking I love being in the forest and there's always gonna be the switched on radar of listening, of watching, of smelling, like is there something around? And that's one of the reasons why having a dog is so amazing because they have those. They're basically an extension of my senses. So they tell me even more what's going on and I can tell it's like, oh, is there? They're basically an extension of my senses. So they tell me even more what's going on and I can tell it's like, oh, is there there a bear around? It's like, okay, maybe like.
Speaker 1:One thing I say about bears and wolves, most wild animals, is respect, right, and it's the same thing with our own danger, our own anger. It doesn't want to destroy, it wants to do something. A bear wants to do something, it wants to get an easy meal, and so if we respect them and also let it know that we're not an easy meal, they're not going to bug us and it's the same thing with danger in myself, danger in you, and of course there's going to be some crazy people. Maybe that respect is a little bit bigger in space, you know. And so being able to sit with that and integrate it as a part of daily life, I mean, heck up there, like I was up northern Canada, as you said, you get trapped outside in negative 40 danger is a very real possibility yeah, the australians that's like, is that negative 40 celsius?
Speaker 2:oh damn, you know cold bro yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:So one time I came home to my nice warm cabin and dropped all my winter gear, settled in and then I had to take the compost out. Right, I had the little bin of compost and the compost was out in the yard. So I go outside and I'm just in shorts and a t-shirt because I'm like it's going to be like 30 seconds there and back. I come back and the door handle had broken so literally I was locked outside of my cabin like I could not get in because the door handle, the latch, just it was stuck in immediately I start freaking out because I start thinking of, like if I smash a window to get in, then it's going to be freezing.
Speaker 2:There's money minus 40 degrees weather coming in at night time you think I'm I'll freeze to death, like literally. If I can't fix this I'd be freaking out. But do I have to tear this thing down, like I would go straight to panic because I haven't been in cold weather like that so I wouldn't know what it's like.
Speaker 1:But just put myself in that scenario right now so I mean, one of the beautiful things about living in a temperature like that is that people look out for each other and, even though it was really spread out with people a long way away, they look out for each other.
Speaker 1:So when I ran to my neighbor's door and knocked on the door and be like I'm in fucking shorts and t-shirt and it's minus 40, I'm locked out of my cab, and he went come in and have a cup of tea. Right, and and how I want to bring this to men right is, if the world is dangerous out there, if I am dangerous, if you are dangerous then in order to navigate it, well, we need to be in community, we need to support each other. Right, if we're constantly tearing each other down, then people are going to figuratively die or maybe even literally die, but if we are in community and supporting each other as men men, then we got a bunch of kings. We got a bunch of kingdoms. Men, then we got a bunch of kings. We got a bunch of kingdoms, yeah.
Speaker 2:And we're going to win.
Speaker 1:We're going to win.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there is no point in time for me where I've never felt so supported as when I've had like men at my back. That's like men at my back and like a woman at the front. So it's like, you know, I want to provide and protect and do everything that I can for her, impress her and like all of that is like so motivating. But then knowing that you have like the hand from men just like at your back, like you know we fucking got you is like the strongest that I've ever felt. Amen, man, yeah, amen. That's so crazy, bro, so crazy.
Speaker 2:So, because I'm going to get if everyone listening, I'm going to get into some practical tips towards this soon in regards to how all this relates to the modern world. We're going to get into that, but for the moment I want to talk about to you like what would be. You know your definition of a wild man Because you've been the wild man. You've done the wild man thing, what most people would think of in nature. But I know your definition been the wild man. You've done the wild man thing, what most people would think of in nature, but I know your definition of the wild man is different.
Speaker 1:I would say my definition of the wild man is a man who's not afraid of himself, like it doesn't matter. If someone's know, I'll say this is like flaming gay and metrosexual. That man has a wild man in him even if he never leaves the city. Just as much as someone like bear grills, who's, like you know, crazy wild man, nor david joggins right, those guys aren't afraid of themselves. Just as much as the person who is totally themselves in the middle of the city is not afraid of themselves. And the wild man that comes out is the authenticity and fire that men have within them. That is the impetus to push forward, no matter what what do you think disconnects people from their wild man?
Speaker 1:like it's all those bricks that I was talking about that we put in front of the king. Okay, right, it's for example for for me and for australians, right, tall poppy syndrome. When I was young, I got beaten up every single day because I was like ooh me, I'm going to shine bright, I'm going to love everybody. All this be tall and big and bright, smacked out.
Speaker 1:Tejas friends just shut down Everybody, yeah Right. And that taught me that if I'm big and bright and fully authentic ie wild that I'm going to be abandoned, that I'm going to be abandoned, that I'm going to be beaten for it and it's just not going to be a safe place you're punished to not feel good enough exactly, and even you know you go into corporate.
Speaker 1:Don't speak up. Don't speak up. Follow the rules. Follow the rules, be a good boy, right, even the stuff like boys don't cry an old saying boys don't cry. An old saying boys don't cry. That's like our tears and our sadness held in dignity, held in sovereignty.
Speaker 2:All right, wait, I want to pause on one. What do you mean by dignity and sovereignty? So in this, like, if I'm crying and you're saying, keep your dignity, and I'm feeling emotion're saying keep your dignity like we and I'm like I'm feeling emotion. What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1:It means don't be ashamed, don't be afraid of it and don't project that shame and that fear out into the world. Right Of like, don't look at me of. Oh my God, I'm doing something wrong or bad. But to see a man cry, fucking chest out eyes up even his lips are quivering, can't, you know, got emotion in his voice, that is fucking powerful. The most powerful time I ever saw my dad was at his mom's funeral and it was the only time I ever saw him cry in his life. He was speaking about his mom and how much he cared for her and, uh, like that hit everybody in there because he was still in his dignity about it. He's like this is my mom, of course I'm gonna feel shit that just makes me feel emotions.
Speaker 2:You just even stand up or I had goosebumps, so on that as well, with a part of it, like you know, with the wild man too, and men being in their dignity and crying.
Speaker 2:Like you had a close relationship with your father and then he passed and then you had to go through all the grief.
Speaker 2:And it's actually quite common how many men I've worked with who come to my community who have lost their fathers Like it's very interesting or lost someone really close to them, a friend or something like that and then there's like this grief that lasts for way longer than a couple months, like way longer than a couple months, like way longer than a couple months. And I feel that that experience you've used it because you've done so much work and it's just my experience of just like staying with you for a few days and just like noticing your energy because I analyze everyone, like the lessons that you've learned from it and being able to put it into your heart and bring it into your relationship with your partner, how your relationship to yourself and how you show up, is like it's really impressive. So for the men who have experienced grief, I want them to get an understanding of your mindset and how you move through it and used it, with that whole dignity thing and being able to, like you know, expand your capacity. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, first of all, thank you for your kind words. Grief and grieving and the space for it is something that our modern society has lost. Sure, there's funerals or memorials and we cry for a day.
Speaker 2:That's not grieving yeah, just to add on to, that was something you said beforehand, as when you were talking about men and crying, I just the sentence popped up to my head and it was just there is no sympathy for the men.
Speaker 1:And then I thought to myself except from other men, if we choose yeah, and I would also say, if you're not feeling shame about your crying, if you're okay that you're feeling sad or grieving which are two different things in my world if you're not afraid of it, you will be surprised at the compassion that comes from everybody, Because they're like oh, this is just a man who's feeling shit. This is just a human who's feeling shit. This is just a human, who's feeling?
Speaker 1:shit, yeah, right. And the fact that we have put grief and sadness as something that is not seen. You just don't do that in public, right. And then there's the weirdo going down the sidewalk crying. And then there's the weirdo going down the sidewalk crying. It's such a disservice to humanity as a whole, and especially men, because boys don't cry.
Speaker 1:One of my goals in life is to live a vivid life, and that means that it is bright, it is colorful, I feel shit, we have fun, I feel fear, I go and do it anyway. All of that and grief is one of the most potent tools To experience that. Right In the two weeks after my dad's passing, I spent it with my family. Right In the two weeks after my dad's passing, I spent it with my family. That was some of the most vivid and potent and beautiful times of my life. Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, it was really shitty as well, but man, was it beautiful Like I got to experience the depths of my soul. I got to experience the depths of my soul. I got to experience the depths of my family's soul. I got to feel the depths of what I felt for my dad that I didn't even know. I felt for him while he was alive. And so as a society, as men, we need to create spaces, intentional spaces, when something big like that happens. Come on, let's grieve, right? I want to tell you a little story here.
Speaker 1:After I got back to Whitehorse, northern Canada, after being with my family and my dad passed there was about a month and of course I was living by myself in a cabin middle of nowhere, I just felt myself contracting, contracting, contracting, contracting. I just freeze inside, like your physical body, my physical body and also mostly my emotional body. Like I was just fucking frozen, figuratively and literally, exactly, exactly, and I just couldn't bring myself to do anything other than my obligations. I couldn't bring myself to, like, make myself a breakfast other than the fucking plain oats on the stove, like bare minimum, and it's because I was frozen.
Speaker 1:And then what I did is I called four of my most trusted men from my men's group. I said, guys, I need you to help me grieve because I am frozen. I can feel the grief inside me and I'm not letting it out, even though I'm trying to feel it all. And like, let me tell you what. We went and had a fire sat around. I asked them to ask me questions about my dad, so I could speak about him, so I could grieve him, so I could feel his story in the world. How's the self-leadership, bro? And like having that intentional space to do that and feel it was just like a damn breaking and all of a sudden, you know, I was still deep in grief right A fucking month and a half, two months after my dad passed, of course.
Speaker 1:But, man, it was just like everything got easier, even if it was still hard. And that's the power of intentional spaces like that that are held by other men for men.
Speaker 2:I challenge everyone listening right now just to that one. It's like I think out of I'll just say out of like a hundred, out of a thousand people who experienced something intense like that, I'd say two or three would have the courage, maybe even less, to go. I'm grieving. Get around me, ask me questions about my dad so that I can grieve, like that is so anti-people pleasing. That's like anti-Mr Nice Guy, being able to put yourself first, but with love, like being able to do that, it's like oh, I'm just like, just think, like for me. That's why I'm like. Oh, because just thinking about being in that position and then having to ask because you know that's the only thing that's going to get you out of it is man, so many people wouldn't do that? Why do you think men get so afraid to do something like that?
Speaker 1:Boys, don't cry. Just the conditioning Right, we've been taught that you got to suck it up, you got to do it, you got to be the man of the house or whatever it is. No one can hold you, man, don't show it. Yeah. And if you are in your grief or your anger, you're going to destroy the world. Right, that's what we've unconsciously been taught, right? An angry man is going to go rape and pillage. A sad man who's uncontrollable is probably going to do that as well.
Speaker 2:And to speak on the sensitivities on this, because I'm shifting gears a little bit. I've got a quote for you in a second. I'll shift gears on this a little bit because I think this is amazing. So what you talk about in this because I believe it's like a lot of men could benefit from understanding this you use that and you increase the sensitivity of yourself and your emotions and your body In that period of time I'm not saying this to compliment you, this is literally just facts Like you removed insecurity and even though it's there, like sometimes, you still move through that, you do whatever it is, and you got yourself into a position where you were in a room at the bridge experience before you met your partner and she walked up to you and she was like there is something so sexy about you that my body is just activated right, and I was like and I thought about that as you were speaking.
Speaker 2:It's like, well, that's the shit. Like so many men are struggling in relationships and all this other stuff because they can't feel so. The woman's body isn't going to be able to be receptive to that so there's two things here.
Speaker 1:Right, there's so excited to get into this. There's presence and there's containment, and containment creates presence. Okay, so what do you mean by containment? Yeah, so containment is my ability to hold myself. Right, as you said, one of the things that I did there was I held myself enough to say I need help. I held myself enough to say that I can't do this alone. I held myself to enough to say, hey, will you, men, hold me so that I could feel the depths of what I was going through and hold it myself as well? Right, and that is a practice. Can you hold your anger? Can you hold your sexual feelings?
Speaker 1:A lot of men give them away, right, oh you go yeah, and like try and flirt with everyone or try and pick up everyone, or just one night stands, or even with their romantic partners. It's like when they feel their sex like I gotta have sex now and it's like no, can you fucking contain it and make it more potent and allow that to feed?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I say most of the sexual energy men are giving away in relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, A hundred percent, but, like if you can contain it, it feeds the electricity and the vividness of your presence. And that is what is magnetic about people, right? You see someone who walks in the room and everybody turns their head. Who's that? That's someone with magnetic presence and containment around who they are.
Speaker 2:I just like that. So you said containment and then it feeds presence. So tell me more about this presence and how it works in terms of like your partner, you guys have an amazing relationship Just electricity.
Speaker 1:Electricity right. Lightning can only happen when a certain differential of charge is built up between a cloud and the ground. And then you get sparks, then you get fire, and if there was no containment it would just be a constant stream and it would be weak as shit, it would be boring and we don't even see it Right. It is constantly happening. We don't see it because it hasn't built up. But if we can contain our electricity, our partners can contain theirs. Or, even more potently, for a man-woman relationship or a masculine-feminine relationship, the woman gets to express it all, gets to feel it all, and so that the man can hold that and hold himself. And when I say hold and contain, I don't mean not express, but it's not splooging everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not, it's just not giving it away, just giving it away.
Speaker 1:That's where the containment comes in, you can hold that presence right. I I can't count the amount of times pretty much daily I catch my partner's eye and I look at her and we fucking hold it and you know what happens yeah, magnetism, lightning, electricity, right the. I'll make a bold statement here probably the most attractive thing for a woman in a man is his depth of presence, and that is what I'm talking about. That, that's awakening the king.
Speaker 2:That's what we're building.
Speaker 1:That's awakening the king right and when you can know and not be afraid of or ashamed of right, the wild man, the depth of who you are and be able to articulate it and be it in the world. Doesn't matter what you look like, doesn't matter how much you make.
Speaker 2:You are going to be attractive to women I feel that man, I feel that so, so hard, so on that, the wild man. I got a quote for you. The wild man doesn't come to full life through being natural, going with the flow, smoking, weed, reading nothing and being generally groovy. Ecstasy amounts to living within reach of the high voltage of the golden gifts. The ecstasy comes after thought, after discipline imposed on ourselves, after grief, mm-hmm. Iron John Robert Bly.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Tell me about that quote and what it means to you.
Speaker 1:So the first half of that quote described me perfectly in my 20s. Nice guy smoking a lot of weed, really easy to be around. Whatever, it's all good, I'm just going with the flow. Someone insults me, it's just water off a duck's. Whatever, it's all good, I'm just going with the flow. Someone insults me it's just water off a duck's back. I don't care.
Speaker 1:That wasn't a potent man. Like there were some things inside of me that some people saw, that I didn't. Yet they were like what the fuck is that? And I needed, eventually, men to pull that out of me and be like what the fuck is that. Bring it forward Instead of just like, oh, that's nice. And once I got that reflection from other men not women, because women is just like stroking the ego it's like, oh, that's great, yeah, I love it. But when other men see it and say that's fucking special, it's like, oh, okay, cool, I got something. And then you start to forge your own way right. Then you start to bring your actual authenticity forward, which is the wild man. Right, the wild man isn't just going with the flow. The wild man is walking his own way, creating his own path. That's what wild is right, because you're not afraid of who you are and what path you're walking.
Speaker 2:I think that reflects so much in relationships as well.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, here's one of the things that I'm still learning to embody. I'm still learning to embody. I'm still learning to learn.
Speaker 1:And this is why women, especially in their 20s, go for the asshole Is because women want to know that they're not going to push you around, that you are going to walk your own path and you're going to bring them with you right. And so in relationship we get all fucked up because it's as a nice, as a recovering nice guy is. Oh, whatever you want, babe, yeah, like anything that'll make you happy, that doesn't actually make them fucking happy in the long run. That makes them bored. But if I'm willing to stand in my power and say, no, this is where I'm walking, even if it pisses you off right now, they're going to go. Oh, this is someone that I can trust. This is someone who's not going to waver when things get tough. This is someone who's not going to look at the other woman and go well, what about her? The grass is always greener when things aren't going well. That is security, that is safety, and that is what the feminine is looking for from the masculine which comes from a form of wild man.
Speaker 2:One of the things that stuck out to me on that one was the. The ecstasy comes after thought, after discipline imposed on ourselves and after grief. And like what that sort of means to me is. Thought was all the thinking stuff that we do right, it's the planning, it's the journaling, it's the self reflection, it's the questions, it's the coaching, it's the therapy, it's all of that. And then the discipline for me is like imposing ourselves, is the training. You're on a four-day, five-day fast right now and you're like four days in. It's the I can build, I'm going to stay out here and build a cabin in the woods. It's the running, it's the training, it's all that. And then the after grief is like well, we're always going to go through something really heavy hitting. So, like you know, for you, in terms of moving through that, how do you think, from your experience, is best for people?
Speaker 1:to move through those things. So martin prechtel says that grief and praise are the same thing. Interesting, grief is just praise for something that's no longer here. Praise is grief that you're going to leave my world. Nothing is permanent. Whether I leave first or you, it doesn't matter. We're not going to be together at the end. So by praising you, I'm also grieving that it's going to end.
Speaker 1:And those are two of the key ingredients in an alive person, right? Something I love about you, man, is that you've got a lot of enthusiasm and stoke. You've got a lot of praise right, which is a form of grief. Right, because it brings us like there's nothing as potent as grief to bring us to the depths of our being and bring us to our knees Right and so like when we can feel that. Why it's after grief? It's after a man has felt himself, after a man has explored and felt, whether or not, intentionally or not, how deep he can go. Right, and I'm going to work backwards through this right.
Speaker 1:The discipline that we impose on ourselves is that discipline of I'm not going to look, or I'm not going to cheat, or I'm not going to have that chocolate bar, or I'm going to do my workout. That's safety for our own feminine, because I believe I you know, that we have a masculine and a feminine in each of us and that, speaking of wild men like our most authentic self, ie our wild man, is when we can fully express both and they can both marry each other and be potent with each other. Right, because there's nothing more potent than a man and a woman on a throne. And so if we can create that safety within ourselves, we also try to create for the women in our lives through discipline. And, as a side note, if any men want to up-level their relationship and their electricity, take orgasm off the table from sex for at least a week. It'll be next level, I promise it.
Speaker 1:Because of that discipline and that woman can now trust that even at the heights of ecstasy almost the heights of ecstasy you can still control yourself. You are still in control of your skin suit, body, right. So grief gives us the depth, discipline gives us the ability to move in and out of that depth at any point. And what I loved about this comes after thought Is yes, we need to do the reflection. The thought is important. We need to do the reflection. The thought is important. We need to do the reflection, we need to do the planning, we need to do the journaling, whatever it is. But the ecstasy, that's not where it is, and the ecstasy is even without thought. It's when we are present and potent in our presency, presency, presence, presidency no no, I like that, I have.
Speaker 2:I have another quote on this and I got another point that I want to get into. The point I want to get to after this remind me is the book that you recommended me, the irresistibly feminine, which is like that book was written for women, which I find was unconsciously written for men, because it's trying to help women understand men, but we don't understand ourselves, baby. So reading that book was crazy. So I want to get to that after this quote. Yeah, absolutely, man.
Speaker 2:Men are taught over and over when they are boys that a wound, that a wound that hurts, is shameful. This is just recapturing it, like everything he said A wound that stops you from continuing to play is a girlish wound. He who is truly a man keeps walking, dragging his guts behind. Our story gives a teaching diametrically opposite. It says that where a man's wound is, that is where his genius will be. Wherever the wound appears in our psyches whether from alcoholic father, shaming mother, shaming father, abusive mother, whether it stems from isolation, disability or disease that is precisely the place for which we will give our major gift to the community.
Speaker 1:Amen, just tell me your thoughts on that. First thing that comes to mind is Stephen Hawking. Yeah, right, there is a man who could have been ashamed, who could have said I'm not enough, my body is fucked, he's pretty fragile and I know I'm not going to live as long as a normal person. He could have said oh, put me on disability, I'm not going to do anything because I'm so broken. But he didn't. He accepted it and said this is me, and with this I've got this beautiful brain. I will accept my wounding, my injury, chronic disease and still move forward. And it's not that he's dragging his guts behind him, he's moving forward in dignity. Right, it's what I was talking about with a man who can be in his anger or in his tears In dignity. Yeah, I've got this shit going on and I'm still here. And no, because I've got a broken leg, I'm not going to play soccer with you, but I'll enjoy watching and maybe I'll do my other shit on the side. Right, I've got a fire background. I was a firefighter for many years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you were a firefighter for ages, like firefighter for many years. Yeah, you were a firefighter for ages, like firefighter for ages in Canada. It was crazy.
Speaker 1:And one of the most important things for a firefighter is not to become a casualty himself, because, statistically, if a firefighter goes down in a fire, it takes 11 more firefighters to rescue him, not just one. 11, and that's 11 firefighters, 12 firefighters who can't do their job. So if we are on the battlefield dragging our guts behind us, we're actually a liability right and I want to tangent this very briefly for money, men, men, if you are a liability financially, you are a liability to everyone in your life. You are dragging your guts behind you and you're going to have 11 more people needing to save you. And if you want to lead, you've gotta back up, stitch the wound, let it heal and then begin leading from there just to like give you some props in this one.
Speaker 2:We were having a chat wasn't long ago and you were like yeah, I'm was in a men's circle, in a men's community and we all got completely naked. We got bare as hell, bare in our balls, and we had to share our finances and our whole situation from there, and the sacredity of that and like the ritualistic of just like bearing that to all the other guys is crazy. So just in regards to like, when people just like some context in regards to the dedication to the work, to wanting to succeed, is like. I was like damn, that's amazing. And also I remember when we're going for a walk he said to me you're like, I was like how'd you get into men's work? And you're like well, my brother started men's work and he was in a men's circle and a men's community. I'm like why is he crushing it in every single area and why am I not? And it's like well, that's fucking why.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he had men behind him in the best way, men supporting him and also men calling him on his bullshit. That's one of the biggest things that we do in men's groups Is call each other on is bullshit, right? That's one of the biggest things that we do in men's groups is call each other on our bullshit, and it's it. I would say that it's almost a natural man to men way of relating, which I see a lot in locker rooms and on in sports teams, right, guys chirping each other, guys saying, oh you ain't shit. I look at what I just did to you and all this. That's the but, it's the um. It's like a healthy relationship. It's a healthy relationship, but that's the call it the non-functional version of that. I was going to call it the immature but it.
Speaker 1:I think that that's also a mature way of relating, um, but when we can give each other honest feedback of where your bullshit is and how I see you showing up, not as the king that I know that you are, that's me in service of you, that's me being an actual friend to you, and that kind of support is also support that we just can't get from women, not because they can't give it. They can damn well give it, but they shouldn't. Every man knows that. Every man knows that women see them and go. Why the fuck aren't you doing this shit? And but men? Because we love women and this is obviously heterosexual, or you can call it the masculine, the feminine.
Speaker 1:whether you're gay straight out doesn't matter we love the feminine, we love the feminine, the masculine loves the feminine and does not want to let it down. And so, unless you are like, way the fuck up here, mostly enlightened, when a woman says here's where you're falling short, 99 of men are gonna go. Oh, fucking deflate yeah and, yeah, you go, okay, I can do better. And okay, shake that off, let's do it. But when a man says it to you, go, yeah, roger, that let's go yeah but they don't tell you like that either.
Speaker 2:Women won't tell you like, hey, this is the thing you're not doing. They'll say something along the lines of like. They'll say something like you know, uh, indirect. They'll say something along the lines of like. They'll say something like you know, uh, indirect. They'll say something along the lines of like oh, that thing is not, hasn't been done for ages. And you're like what the fuck do you mean? We're just trying to tell you that you've got no time. I mean busy.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is. That is a habit of the feminine yeah, and even habit of the feminine yeah. And even if they deliver it in the exact same way, most men aren't going to be able to receive it no, we don't want to receive it anyway.
Speaker 2:Even if they give it direct, exactly, we're not going to be able to receive it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, yeah, and then and then men grow when they get that feedback in from men yeah, when they get that support yeah and once again support, and I'll call it cheerleading from women feels great yeah, feels great yeah, it's wonderful. Cheerleading and honest support from men is like I can fucking do anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's different and support as well is also like it is calling people out and they're bullshit.
Speaker 2:It's not just, it's not just oh, like hey, bro, you can do this. 100, because sometimes, hey, bro, you got this, you can do this is just like not enough, like it's not that, it's like you know. I want you, when I'm asking for support, to be like bro, get your fucking act together, know what I mean. Make a move. This isn't you. Let's Break it, let's go. What you're doing right now is not you, let's fucking go and like. That type of energy is, I think, so much better than oh, it's okay, bro, you got it 100%.
Speaker 1:This was a lesson that took me at least 10 years to learn. I remember I had a buddy who was with a girlfriend long-term girlfriend. He knew it wasn't good for him. We could all of his friends could see it isn't good for him. Back then I was a real nice guy and I was just like, oh man, you should probably break up with her. It's not good. And no real authenticity or fire behind it.
Speaker 1:And his older brother actually pulled me aside one day and said dude, you're his friend, this is your duty. Like, whatever you do, tell him, because I'm his brother, he's not going to listen to me. Tell him straight up what you see. And then it is also your responsibility to be there for him to make sure that he doesn't fall on his desires and go back to her. Do whatever you can to make sure he doesn't see her, because he knows it's wrong for him. She knows it's wrong for him, you know it's wrong for him, and that's what a friend does, right? That's a friend's duty is to tell someone how it is real talk and then hold them to that which is that's where you talk about the holding the space before.
Speaker 2:Like my men's work is kind of like it's so important. I know we're talking about men's work here but like, um, I really want people to understand this is like you know, it's not like it takes a lot of skill to build up the body as a man so that someone that you can hold someone like that, because it's not like it takes a lot of skill to build up the body as a man so that someone that you can hold someone like that, because it's like we get. We get a lot of people that come from therapists and they'll come into our community and they go oh, thank god I'm here. They're like the therapist thing didn't work out. This thing happened. I thought it was working. We just sat there and talked about blah, but there was no like heart in it. There was no. It's like you know, it's very much like obviously I'm not bagging therapists because there's some amazing therapists out there and I go to therapy myself. Oh man, yeah, right, thank you, and the like.
Speaker 2:A lot of the time it's like it's not enough for me in certain situations and it's so much more potent and powerful to be around that, but I think it was really cool. I want to touch on, like, just shift gears onto the lessons that you've learned in relationship when regards to the feminine, misunderstanding men, but men misunderstanding like themselves and what they need, because some of this is some like really practical tools that men can use to communicate to the feminine, and this isn't just a feminine. This is like if you've got employees, if you got parents, because I find, like you know, even between me and my dad, there's like a lot of femininity in the relationship because there's a lot of love, there's a lot of flow, right. So there's a lot of like feminine that goes back, back and forward between me and him, even though he's a guy, right.
Speaker 1:So talk to me about that yeah, I mean, allison armstrong says that men just think that women are hairy women and women just think that men are ugly women, or I think I said that wrong. But yeah, essentially women think that men are hairy women. Hairy women, yeah, and men think that women are oh yeah, are pretty men. Yeah, right, that's how we communicate, right? As a man, it's like oh, I need to be really direct with you because we are direct and you're pretty and you're pretty, and so I'm going to be direct with you and that's useful in some ways, and when it comes to the emotional side of things, it's incredibly unhelpful yeah right.
Speaker 1:Men, when we communicate with each other, we're like, all right, how can we move forward? How can we solve this problem? Every man knows you do that with a woman. You're gonna end up with tears and she's gonna be saying why are you trying to fix me?
Speaker 2:yeah, even if she's even if she's like you're trying to fix me yeah, no right, and why are you being? And then they'll say things like I like it when you're direct. And then it's like you want me to lead, you don't want me to be direct.
Speaker 1:Exactly. You want me to say anything, you just want me to lead. So and this is something that I'm really really in right now of learning right? Say, you're in a car with your partner and you've been driving for a while and it's quiet and you're like why hasn't she said anything? This is getting boring. Like, oh my God. Like why hasn't she done anything? Fucking, lead man. That's what she's waiting for, doesn't matter. Ask her a question, say something. Lead. You might miss the market, it might make things worse or better or whatever, but lead, right, that's what she said. She doesn't necessarily want you to be direct sometimes she does, but she wants you to lead and, like when she's in tears, lead her to safety. Be safe. Don't be a fixer. Don't defend yourself, which is the hardest thing to fucking do if she's in tears, because it's something I've done. Of course, I want to defend myself, yeah, but I need to lead her to safety first yeah, leading isn't fixing leading isn't fixing, do you?
Speaker 2:have any examples of fixing?
Speaker 1:just people listening so they're like oh shit, I might be fixing out here yeah, so there's a great video I don't know what it's called on youtube, uh, and there's a guy and a girl sitting on a couch and the girl's got a giant nail stuck in her forehead and she's talking to him going babe, it just feels like there's this pressure in my forehead and every time I lean over it's just like this pain in my forehead, like what is that? And the guy's just looking and he'll be like, well, you've got a fucking nail in your forehead. She's like why are you fixing me? I just want you to hear what is my experience, why are you fixing me? I just want you to hear what is my experience.
Speaker 1:And it's exactly that, right, women sharing their feelings about something, and then a man trying to be helpful, trying to be good and this is for women as well right now, right, even if a man is trying to fix you feels like he's trying to fix you. He's coming from a good place. So, even if it's hard, do your best to cut him some slack and say, babe, I just need you to hear me right now, because he's trying to help you. Right, and it, you know, a woman's in her emotions and sharing what she's feeling. It's like well, why don't, why don't I just cut the lawn right now, because the lawn's too long and that's what you're feeling emotions like. No, no, no, no. Just wait. Lead her to safety and then lead her wherever it needs to go and it's so crazy for the women listening.
Speaker 2:I hope the men listen to this as well, because, adding on that, this is something that I learned.
Speaker 2:The recommendation from you is like what the women can do, because a lot of people, I feel, put like this stuff as well on men, because we are the ones that are supposed to lead. But also, if we've got no freaking experience, dude, we don't have to, we don't know how to, and we've got to make mistakes and we're gonna fuck up heaps of time. And I feel like there's no sympathy for that either. There's no like from the feminine, because they're so worried about safety and of course, they're supposed to be right that they go oh shit, this is like my man, he's fucking up, I'm going to be out of safety, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, okay, well, there's an element of trust there. That's like, okay, if I really love this guy, and like I see his potential and everything, this is how I can lead. And, um, there's example of talking about a pickle jar. When a woman's just standing there and she's like trying to open a jar, she's like I can't do it, like, oh, this is frustrating, I can't open this jar immediately.
Speaker 2:We're like yep, we pop up, boom, 18 men right there right, let me fix the job, let me open it straight away, and then so it's like women can communicate like that as well, by simply just saying I feel sad, I feel hurt, yeah, I feel unloved. And that is a tool for men to go oh, I need to do something about this and I may get it wrong and and the.
Speaker 1:The tricky part of this right is exactly what we're talking about is like um women if you want your men to win with you, give us problems to solve oh, I love that right, because men give us problems to solve so that we set us up to win.
Speaker 1:Exactly like I always say, men are like puppies, give us a job and pat us on the head when we're when we do it right. And the tricky part is, oftentimes women communicate like oh, I'm so sad that x, y and z men need to be able to have the containment to be able to lead her to safety first, and then say there's a problem to solve and not say, oh, there's a problem, let's fucking go, which is the the man thing to do. Right, and this and this is this is all about containment, right, when a woman comes to you, he's like can you contain yourself? When you fuck up? Right, if you're leading in a way that you haven't led before, you're in a place that you haven't led before, can you contain yourself enough? Then your ego enough to say, babe, I haven't done this before, but here's my plan. Or babe, I know I just fucked that up, I did my best and let's repair. That's containing yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the repair part you said so important. It's funny when you're saying that I think that's so beneficial. But it's funny when you look at men's behavior, right, because when we're hanging out, we want to bro out right immediately. You have something like oh, this. It's funny when you look at men's behavior, right, because when we're hanging out, we want to bro out right Immediately. You have something like, oh, this thing's fucked. And you're like, oh, bro, let's do this Straight away, like it's so straight away. And then, as a guy, you're like dude, thank you, right, and we get that with each other, like we really understand it. And that's not going to work. If that, when you understand.
Speaker 2:I think that when you start having a daughter is what I see from observing because I haven't got a daughter and just like, but noticing my dad and coaching a lot of other fathers, it's like, oh, there's a different relationship there where there's like an acknowledgement of feelings. First he makes his daughter feel safe and then moves on. It's like well, of course, because that's what works. That's really interesting. I've got another point for you here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cool, let's keep going. What was it that we wanted to touch on that we wanted to come back to? You had a point that we were supposed to remember and I can't remember right now. We'll see how we go it's something to do with that.
Speaker 2:We'll come back. What we said was super valuable, so I reckon that was good enough. We are good enough, let's go right. Point five on here the depth and the darkness of masculinity.
Speaker 1:Well, where should we begin? The depth and the darkness of masculinity.
Speaker 2:I'll let you lead on that one.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say the depth and the darkness of masculinity. Yeah, I'll let you lead on that one. I'm going to say the depth and the darkness of humanity. Oof, because men have darkness, women have darkness. And, similarly to marrying our masculine and feminine within, if we can know our darkness and our light, we're that much more powerful, we're that much more a king. And so I think the darkness of masculinity has been easily on display for the last several hundred, maybe even several thousand years of dominating, of domineering, of taking what someone wants, of just go without heart.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, and what you're speaking to with the marrying within I just want to put on there just to give context to people. What you're talking about marrying within is being able to feel and go with the flow whilst there's structure, and do the thing anyway. Amen, right. And the practicality of that, for example, is having someone pass away, being able to have an argument with your partner and still show up and still rock up and feel it and then still stick to the things that you know. You know that you need to do, and sometimes the thing that you need to do is not doing those things and actually looking after you first. So being able to have the discernment with the actions and the behaviors you know that you're doing comes from doing the work that you're like you're talking about. So I just wanted to put some realist, like you know, some tangible stuff, um, so that people understand how powerful this is exactly get it.
Speaker 1:And so like bringing this back to darkness of the masculine or the feminine of humanity, right, the feminine's gift is this flow, is this creativity, is this dancing and wondering at life. And there's a dark side to that. If you're only there, nothing's going to get done. You're just going to be in wonder and ecstasy and all of this beautiful thing, and then all of a sudden, your house is, you know, messy as hell. Your bills are unpaid, you haven't gone to work in three weeks and you're fired.
Speaker 1:Right, like this is an extreme, but it's the same thing with the masculine right do, get it fucking done. Right, very few people are like david goggins, very few people who are just so, get it done. But the dark side of, well, the light side of getting it done is, yes, you. But the dark side of well, the light side of getting it done is you get shit done. The dark side is then, all of a sudden, you have the dark side of corporate culture yeah, money, like what's the most efficient, regardless of the human cost. No, no, I want that land right, even fucking Donald Trump, I want Greenland. Or in the panama canal, right that that is domineering. Dark side of masculine, that's putting yourself over other people. Fuck all the other people, right and and like. I believe that the dark side of masculinity, which has kind of gone off the rails because we haven't valued the feminine, that is what people call toxic masculinity, that is what people call the patriarchy, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:because even when you get into like thinking about david goggins in regards to that, um, someone who's just such, someone who gets so much shit done, he feels as well man, you listen to his books and the vulnerability that he is sharing and the grief Like he's in tears in his books. I listened to one who had this conversation with his mom. He brought her in there to talk about how his dad beat the shit out of him and she beat the shit out of her and this relationship she got into a relationship with a murderer and they're both just like crying and he's just like thank you in his dignity, like and I'm like well, that is the most positive way of using, you know, the darkness and bringing it for good. And he's genuinely trying to help people like more than everyone else, like it's it's a. I really admire him for that. So it's like I think that was like a good example of just like people like oh, david gog is just this. No, he's not. Like he's the most hot lead person ever and right.
Speaker 1:He has married his darkness with his lightness. He talks about going into the darkness to do all sorts of fucked up shit that most people can't do, like 163 mile race through death valley in the fucking summer, like that's insane. He goes into the darkness to be able to do that because the darkness, if it is contained, if it is used with potent presence, is an amazing source of fuel, is an amazing source of get shit done. But it needs to be contained. It needs to be used as a tool instead of it using me as a tool so to speak, onto that right, using it as a tool.
Speaker 2:What are the body and the heart connection practices that men can use, that you like, that you've found get results to be able to integrate this and bring it into their family life and bring it into their career?
Speaker 1:I mean, first thing I'll say is every man should be in a men's group. I don't care what men's group you're in, except for unless it's like run by andrew tate, uh, but like, every man should have men that you can be vulnerable with and be supported by, and that in itself is a body heart exercise it's the best therapy you ever do.
Speaker 2:Yep, by far.
Speaker 1:Yep yeah, and in community with other men. Now you can do shit stuff like this at home as well, but like then you can do body hard exercises, right, then you can do something like an anger release where you physically embody your anger. Almost, whether you feel it or not, it's in you, it's part of our human beings.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're saying that, man. I remember when we were doing a um, because we facilitate a lot of anger stuff at our retreats, like at the set, the standard retreats, and then doing them like with the bridge experience and doing the anger releases there. I always remember like for me it's a bit different when I'm doing our retreats, because when the guys are there, they've got no choice to get angry. I'm in there, I'm the facilitator, I'm hyping people up in a way that they've never been hyped up before and they're just like, if they're not getting angry at themselves or at something in their life, they're getting angry at me. Fuck you, corey, fuck you.
Speaker 2:And I remember being at the bridge and I was like, oh, like I feel comfortable in the anger space because we've done so much of it. So I'm like this is great, I love it, can't wait to have my receipt, my release. I'm as excited as much as I am emotional right now. I remember talking to some of the other guys there and there and because it's not my retreat, so the guys aren't as related to me, they're a little bit softer in their energy. I remember just being like, oh, I'm not an angry guy. That was me, yeah, not an angry guy. I couldn't do that. Why would I want to do that?
Speaker 1:I'm not angry right, I mean preston, who runs the bridge, and one of my mentors, yours as well. He often says predators hunt, herbivores forage. Humans emote. It's just part of our being, it's what we do. We feel shit and anger is one of our default settings, right? If you've ever seen a kid, if you've ever seen a baby, they get angry. They don't make it wrong, it's just what they're feeling. And to think that somehow that disappears from us as we get older is the height of arrogance. No, it's in there. And to all the nice guys out there, how many times have you said it's all good in your relationship for 12 months and then boom, you blow up, you snap. Maybe it's resentment, maybe it's I'm fucking out of here. That's anger. That's been suppressed. It's in there. It is meant to be felt, it is meant to be expelled, it's meant to be used and then like when you can hook it up to your body and your heart and your balls, that's when magic happens. All right.
Speaker 2:Give me some tools. Give me some tools Right, give me some tools. Give me some tools right. Give me some tools If I'm sitting at home and I'm like, all right, I want to start using this and practicing this. So rapid.
Speaker 1:Fire me some tools. We're talking anger release. Grab a frying pan. Frying pan is my favorite. You can use a tennis racket, you can use a baseball bat, you can use a cricket club, you can use a hockey stick, whatever the fuck something in your hands and put it up above your heads and smash a bed, smash a couch, smash a pillow, whatever it is. Let your voice speak, let yourself emote anger. Right. And I remember the very first time I did this, I told my partner hey, I'm going to be doing this, maybe you want to take the, the dogs, for a walk, because I was living in a one-room cabin. She said, yep, no problem. And when, uh, you're done, would you please like smudge the place it's like some sage and like get, move that energy yeah yeah, babe, no problem.
Speaker 1:When I was done my anger release, I was like nah, that's sacred rage, that's sacred, that doesn't need to be smudged. That was me, that'd marinate me that was me, and it wasn't that I wanted her to come back and feel anger, whatever, but that was sacred, that was wild. Yeah, she came back and like oh, what'd you do in here? Yes, it's like a thunderstorm. As soon as the thunderstorm clears, it's like this feels nice, yeah.
Speaker 2:A lot of people have embarrassment and shame around having to, you know, because the criticism you can say on this is I know you're throwing an adult tantrum, but it's like, you know, we're still children in the adult's body and if we don't allow ourselves, you know, the privacy, it's not like you have to go and do this in front of people. That's what men's retreats and stuff are for to have the the breakthrough. But you do this in private so that you don't act like a fucking dick or be the nice guy everywhere else exactly give us some more tools.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will say, like you do it in private, so you don't blow up on your partner. Yeah, or you don't blow up on other people? Yeah, right, so you can be in dignity and containment of it. Yeah, other tools Breathwork's phenomenal. Most people know about Breathwork. Right now it's great, wim Hof, even for a quick hit. Yeah, I mean one of the. This is going to sound funny, but one of the most potent tools for connecting heart with body, with mind, is going for a walk. Leave your phone at home, go for a walk and literally tune in to your heart, to your inner child, if that language works for you, and just listen and literally ask where are we going?
Speaker 2:it's so crazy, right, because so many people, so many people could think, oh, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that, and they won't fucking do it. Right. And it's like that's where the accountability is needed sometimes. And it's like you think that, like I've known people who are bodybuilders, who have been crushing it and have PT businesses and they've had to hire PTs themselves. And it's like, well, of course you're going to need to hire a PT yourself. You're teaching and coaching other people.
Speaker 1:So a lot of people these days are information hoarders. I was an information hoarder for most of my life and just like, gather knowledge, gather information, be like I know it, but you don't fucking know it until you do it. Yeah, right, the knowing is in the doing, yeah. And so these things, especially something as simple sounding as a walk without, without a phone, and listening to yourself say I want to go left right now. I want to go right right now, like I did that for like every night for like five months straight, and the potency of being that came out of that, even when I I would get to a roundabout. I want to go left. I want to go left. I want to go left and walk around that roundabout four or five times, like, are you sure you want to keep doing this? Like, yep, keep going. And there's like, okay, let's go down here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just you just follow legit freedom, intuition, your inner child, your heart, whatever you want to call it. And a key here, also on containment, you still have to be online enough to say, no, I don't think I'm going to walk down that dark alleyway at 11 o'clock at night, even though my heart wants to do it. I'm going to contain that part or no. I'm not going to cross this busy street right now because you just asked it. Yeah, I'm going to contain that. Yeah, another tool now, because you just asked it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to contain that. Yeah, another tool that I was just thinking that you would know more than anyone else as well is on that one is going out in the woods.
Speaker 1:Going out in the woods having a fire. Yeah, I mean, it's funny. Those are so right in front of me that it's like, yeah, of course you fucking do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that's where you specialize, right, because, like, the ultimate thing that you could do for anyone like as, like sean, is taking them out somewhere in nature where shit's fucked and just and and, with their coaching and the talking, is allowing them to completely heal and reprogram their nervous system so they come back again one of the best things that you can do is go grab a bunch of buddies and have a fire once again.
Speaker 1:Leave your fucking phones at home and I know I'm just as addicted to my phone as the next person but go and have a fire, sit around, shoot the shit, stare at the fire like there's something so healing about just being there in a circle around a fire. We've been doing it for thousands and thousands of years, like that's, that's home, that's safety, that's the original safety the original.
Speaker 2:Give me one more fasting right.
Speaker 1:As you said, I'm on day four or five right now, and we talked about discipline, we talked about containment, we talked about being in touch with our bodies right now, even if you just do a 24-hour fast and work up to longer ones or not. But fasting, allowing your body to rest, brings you so much more in tune with what's actually happening inside you, ie your heart, your balls, your brain, all of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just think people can just like, like, if you haven't done a long or fast you anything over like 32 to 36 hours. There is a sensitivity that you just don't understand, that your body has for everything, like the clarity in your mind what you want to do with your purpose and what you do in your relationship, sensitivity of making decisions in your life, what you need to move around and who you want to be.
Speaker 1:It all clicks on a fast like that I love that you brought purpose into this, because when I'm chewing on big things with a client and we can't figure it out or it's like it is life purpose or whatever it is, oftentimes I will have them do a five-day fast and I prepare them in all of that Minimum three days. Forget about thinking about it. Just be like do your normal life, go a little bit slower because you've got to. When you're fasting, just do it On the day you break your fast. It's important to break it gently. That's when you sit down and work. You put your phone aside, you sit down and you go through all of the shit that you're working on and trying to chew through and like your life purpose. And what the fuck am I doing? Am I in or am I out of this relationship? Whatever it is, that's the day to do it, because you are potent as fuck sean, thanks so much for coming on to the show.
Speaker 2:Where can people find you?
Speaker 1:yeah, dude, um sean cookcom.
Speaker 2:it's my website instagram shot at sean l the cook and there's cook with an e and then sean is sh a u n s h a un exactly, yeah and all the links are below yeah, thanks, perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks so much for coming on to the show man. Thanks, dude, this has been awesome. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah.