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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
How To Integrate Your Shadow & Heal Your Inner Child With Samson Odesunya #265
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This episode delves into the transformative power of breathwork and its role in healing, vulnerability, and masculinity.
Samson shares his personal journey, addressing childhood wounds, the importance of emotional release, and the necessity of community in the healing process.
• Discussing the vital role of breath in reconnecting with the present
• Exploring the impact of parental separation and unresolved resentment
• Understanding vulnerability as a source of strength for men
• Highlighting the significance of community in the emotional healing journey
• Emphasizing the inner child’s role in shaping adult behavior
• Encouraging listeners to engage with their emotions and reshape their narratives
• Reinforcing the idea that purpose comes from self-acceptance and awareness of the now
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Samson, you're a breathwork facilitator. You went to Peru, in the Amazon, for a diet by the Shipobo people. It was a 14-day practice with plants when you're eating with plants and it was like this crazy sort of diet thing that you went on I was looking at. You've lived in third world conditions of Nigeria. You have studied ancient history and philosophy and experienced it in person in the pyramids I'm thinking was in the pyramids and tombs of Egypt, holy hell. You've spoke to and healed hundreds of people. You're an athlete and you've coached pro athletes and I think the most impressive thing that you have have, just from my own opinion, is this deep masculine presence which enables people to feel and achieve. And I want to know, because you had a recent post of yours and it said find your breath, find your body, what, what's your meaning behind that?
Speaker 2:Find your breath, feel your body, read your mind. That was actually. That's not something I came up with. That was a almost like a, if you will like, principles, guiding principles that can sort of communicate on some level the essence of what I do and support people in doing it, which is created by a friend, clay Ebert, who's a phenomenal genius when it comes to marketing and stuff.
Speaker 2:But what that means to me and it's evolved over time I almost feel like I just have it there as a thing to have there when we do find our breath and by finding I mean reconnecting with this tool or gift that we have that tethers us to life itself. When we reconnect with that, it supports us in grounding in the present moment where we can feel our body. And feeling our body the only concretized aspect of ourselves, meaning it's the only concretized aspect of who we are that is in the present. So the body is nowhere else but here. When we feel it, we are also engaging. If we're willing to be open to it, we're engaging with the wisdom of now. So by feeling the body, we're finding the breath. Feeling the body, we now get to free the mind that is oftentimes imprisoned by erratic thoughts or the lack of being present, because we're not in the body. So those three are almost principles for removing ourselves from everywhere else, so we could be where our feet are and for you.
Speaker 1:Where did you find, like, where your mind would used to go everywhere else because, like for a practice, you would have practiced this right all the time. So I was like, where did your mind used to go before you went off? I need to bring this back.
Speaker 2:I mean, my mind still goes. I don't think the mind will ever stop going, um, so it's always a reminder and my mind can go anywhere. I mean, I, I have a family. I'm married with two children. So as as protector, as a provider, as you know the fire and energy tender of my family, you know my mind does go to. How can I better serve, you know my girls. How can I better serve, you know the people that I'm supporting. How can I better show up in the world, people that I'm supporting, how can I better show up in the world? And my mind sometimes goes to the things that I'm still per se learning to accept about myself. Right, so conditioning and programming that still come through my unconscious. My mind will go to come through my unconscious. Uh, my mind will go to, um, when I'm not present. How can I be better? My mind goes to various type of things. My mind goes to, sometimes, what life was like 2 000 years ago. So my mind travels, right, um, but again, when I am consciously breathing, I pull it back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. And listen to this one. It's essential for us to tend to our hearts, to free ourselves from the burdens we carry within us so we are not overtaken from them becoming the very thing we despise. A bitter heart devours its owner. This is a quote from yours truly. Right, you? I wanted to talk to you about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, so my mom and dad separated when I was goodly four years old right, it's still kind of under four or five, but four years old and I was born in London, so we had just moved to California and began settling in and just really taking the moment to also acknowledge what's happening in LA, as that used to be home for me. It's where my wife was, pretty much grew up and spent most of her time. But they separated and for the longest the image I had of my father from what he did according to the perspective of the four-year-old boy, which was leave kind of grew into resentment and the picture that was painted about him didn't help as well. So that resentment essentially grew to hate and I remember, right before he left, these are the words that I said. I said if you leave, I'm gonna. And he left. How old were you then? I was four. You were four when you said that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's crazy that you can remember that. Can you remember it vividly? It was a core memory.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a core memory. We were at the dining table, I was eating Frosted Flakes with warm milk. I won't want him to leave. That was just my own plea to get him to stay, which was extreme, because what does a four-year-old know about hate? Right? But he left.
Speaker 2:And since that moment, over the years, like my resentment grew right, partially because one. He left right Again. He left me. This is what I used to believe. And then, secondly, because I thought it was my fault that he left right Again. He left me. This is what I used to believe. And then, secondly, because I thought it was my fault that he left, because of the words that I said.
Speaker 2:So I'm sharing this because I made a vow, from the hurt and pain that I experienced, from their separation, that I never wanted to be like my father right, and what I noticed over the years is that the more I resisted him, the more I became the very thing that I tried to resist. And what I mean by that is his absence, his lack of keeping his word, his hesitation, his lack of integrity. These were all quantities I start to notice I was slowly becoming right, and it wasn't because I wanted to do that. No, it was because buried in my unconscious was the parts of him that I rejected became the parts of me that I didn't want to accept. So I'd rather him have it, because he's the one that did it to me, rather than looking in the mirror and realizing that, oh, I too possess those same qualities.
Speaker 2:So if my heart is still holding resentment and bitterness towards him, as much as I think he's feeling it as my father, he's not feeling anything. I'm the one that's feeling that poison. So it was devouring me, it was eating me alive, and I got to a point where, like, I had to do something about it, because it wasn't so much about what he did any longer even though we're not dismissing that it was more about what was real in my life, and I was experiencing the effects of being out of harmony. I was experiencing the effects of emotional suppression. I was experiencing the effects of, um, yeah, the lack of integrity, not essentially living the way I wanted to live, because I was still harboring, um, a lot of energy that I was unwilling to face.
Speaker 1:Yet oh, that's crazy. I feel like so many people just ignore that shit.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, and I don't think it's intentional, I don't think it's intentional?
Speaker 1:Not at all.
Speaker 2:No, that's what it's like, where the mask comes on, where you sweep it under the rug. It's instinctual. Yeah, yeah, I mean we. We consider that we're wired for survival. When we are not educated, when we're not raised, when we're not brought up in a way that allows us to see that we are not a threat to ourselves, then we don't have the knowledge in the moment or the resources to be able to support ourselves in moving through something that, essentially, is seeking to help us live a lot better. So most people don't know because we default right to survival. It's not safe. My security is being threatened. The only thing I could do right now is instinctually put this on so I could protect myself. You know what I mean. So I became my father, essentially to protect their hurt or protect myself from being vulnerable. Yeah, yeah, dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd rather blame him yeah than feel what I needed to feel yeah and be vulnerable. I feel like, uh, there's just, there's still a stigma around, like I kind of had this assumption over the last couple years that the word vulnerability has got it sort of dissipated. Right. I'm like, oh, it's dissipated, we don't really need to use it anymore, because we can use the word courage, we can say something else that makes you strong, and I've full circle going back and being like no, vulnerability is the thing that makes you so masculine, that makes you so powerful, that makes you so strong, whether you're a male or a female. And I'm like 2020, I was 2024 years old right when I when I realized that I was like a manipulator and a control freak that come from patterns, like from my parents, and having to own that and like take responsibility for.
Speaker 1:I remember seeing it. I was in like this, this argument, with my partner in the car and she said something towards me and actually explained it and immediately I just went. I take responsibility for all of that and I like it was just like this moment, that that rush rush of power back, isn't that?
Speaker 1:rush of power back.
Speaker 2:I need to take a hand on that rush of power because we're get, we're giving it away, and there's something about responsibility and ownership and acceptance that helps us resolve and meet ourselves in the present, where it's like, oh, like I'm getting my energy back that I'm using to resist that, what I need to accept, so it's just a rush of power back. Now it's like, okay, I can actually do something about this yeah, dude for you.
Speaker 1:What were the things that you were adopting, that you were like, oh shit, I didn't see this, but now I see. Yes, I'm interested to hear this and and also what you have been seeing around at the moment as well so the first thing, I mean the qualities of what I was resisting.
Speaker 2:My father for sure, um, hiding was a big one oh, you're an example of hiding.
Speaker 1:Is that like emotional hiding, or you're like behind?
Speaker 2:a leaflet. So they're, they're. I mean they're. There are levels to my experience of hiding. First it was hiding spiritually yeah, and I'll get to it Hiding emotionally, which essentially was expressed as hiding physically.
Speaker 2:So the series of events that took place over my life after my mom and dad separated caused me to develop a self-image and identity that essentially was rooted in what I would call the deflated ego. Oftentimes we like to bring attention to the inflated ego, but the deflated ego is the same thing on the opposite spectra, right. So I was egotistical in my own way, but more in a deflated way. So because I had so much shame about who I was. So because I had so much shame about who I was, my self-image was so low, I was shy, I was timid, self-inflicted, self-doubt, like, oh, self-inflicted. And I think that has come as a result of, again, it was just growing up in an environment where I internalized making meaning about things that I wasn't responsible for, but because I didn't have positive reinforcement, I took responsibility for quote, unquote why a lot of things were wrong.
Speaker 2:So how that played out was I just I was afraid of showing up, I was afraid of you know being who I am now. I was afraid of taking responsibility. I was afraid of speaking like saying what I wanted to say or saying what I mean to say. I was afraid of using my gift, of my throat shocker, which I don't feel everybody has access to, some people just. They have a way to be able to communicate through words things that someone probably does better in writing, or someone does better in artistic expression, or someone does better in business, right, and we all have our own universal gifts.
Speaker 2:But I feel like I have a gift in being able to convey using my words. And I couldn't do that because the commitment to my ego-driven, deflated identity was bigger than the expression of my soul. And for the longest, the question would be who am I to hold these gifts? Oh, why? Why me? Again, because my self-image was so low, so deflated. Who am I to be, this person who can support people? Now, I will say for the longest I've known, since the age of eight. That's when I could consciously remember that I loved people. I would people watch at the age of eight years old, just be interested in what was going on within that person.
Speaker 2:I was just very curious. I was always, I'm still, very curious and I knew early on that I wanted to help people, right, I wanted to help them, it didn't matter how, but I I wanted to help people, right, I wanted to help them, it didn't matter how, but I just wanted to help people. Now, again, the commitment, the energetic investment in my identity that was formed as a child is what, on paper, prevented me from showing up the way I wanted to, but behind the scenes has also played a role in helping me be who I am today. So there's, you know, at the end of the day I look back I'm like, okay, I see why it happened, right, but those are some of the ways that you know I start to. I noticed it was playing out. Hiding was a big one for me yeah.
Speaker 1:So when I got into like your 20s I'm assuming that you might have had some like blocks in the story. Have you got any stories of when you kind of got to here, had to do some of the inner work? Because I know as well like one thing that I really respect about you is and like where I relate to you in as an and this is just like still assumption after like watching your content is like when you get obsessed with something deep, you just go, you just go.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I'm a rabbit, like you said very deep, right, I've had to learn how to pull it. Thank you for come up for air. Oh, I think more. Now it's about, you know, the consciousness that I'm doing it from right. So I'm thinking back to 20s.
Speaker 1:Like the moment for you when it was like it got stuck in here and then you were able to, you know, be able to speak and you had that moment of being like oh, I can use my words Because I feel like there are a lot of people that are hiding, whether it be in business, in relationships, you know, in their families, you know with their fulfillment, and they don't even realize that they get stuck in here.
Speaker 2:So here's the reality. I'm still working through it. Oof, all right, I can't speak for anybody else. Right, I can't speak for anybody else. I had my quote unquote, and I'm quoting this because it's something that's just used a lot. I had my own awakening at the age of 20. So it's been a while for me, right? And why I say that is because, even when I had my awakening, and why I say that is because even when I had my awakening, you would think that that was it. It's been stages and stages and stages and stages, and initiation after initiation.
Speaker 2:So, to answer your question, I can't really recall. Maybe there is a moment, but what's present for me right now is I'm still working through it and it's because I'm learning to accept that, at least on some level right now, in 2025, on the Garoian calendar, that this is the role or this is the expression I'm here to play and express at this moment and time in my life. Part of it is through speaking. I notice that sometimes I want to hide behind words. So if there's a way where I know I hinder myself, it's trying to be politically correct in some regard Rather than just speaking from my heart, which is 100% of the time, supported me, helped. So I'm still working through it because a part of me is like okay, again, it's that little boy that shows up. If I speak the truth in the way that is present for me right now, will that person be offended?
Speaker 1:oh, what do you mean by that? Okay, and so like I get like logically, but my body understood that, but my brain, brain was like yeah, Okay.
Speaker 2:So my experience has been again. These are things that and I love that. This is because it's helping me as well in the moment. So I've had many moments in my life where, kinesthetically, I feel things Right.
Speaker 2:I've had a relationship to my own intuition for quite some time but didn't really know how to develop it. You know, in a stronger way, because the environment I was around, at least for most of my life I didn't find a way that it was reinforced in me. So when I look around, it wasn't really people, weren't really chatting about it. So a lot of times I thought that it was just kind of like a spur of the moment, kind of random thing. But as it happened and as it became reconfirmed and noticing that oh, there's this thing that you do or you feel right, I started to like work with it a bit.
Speaker 2:So there have been many times in my life where I'd just be around people and I'd feel, and then without proper awareness, I would just say, and I would watch the person's response, and maybe it's not what they felt, but it's what my own ego interpreted as wrong, and the more that happened I would stay quiet because the last thing I wanted to do was not hurt them.
Speaker 2:So if I perceived that they were offended, I took it personal as me doing something wrong towards them. Oh yeah, so I, I continue to gaslight myself for the sake of pleasing how somebody would feel because I didn't want to hurt them. Now, it wasn't a isn't a noble place, but the cost was still stifling the truth, at least from my perspective. So this took work over the years and again I'm still working on it where I learned, and I'm still learning, to connect first, stay connected first, and then ask for permission. Because once I ask for permission, then what I share it's not up to me any longer, as long, obviously, I'm not trying to hurt or harm them, but as long as I ask for permission, then I could let them, I could share with them. Yeah, but yeah, the biggest thing for me is like sometimes my expression um, I judge it, I've I've judged it as too much there's a lot there that's something people can relate to.
Speaker 1:I feel like, uh, in my experience of that is I didn't want to admit it to myself, yeah that that was there, yeah, and like that, wearing other people's emotions, yeah, is so much stronger than what I thought. So I think the asking for permission is so powerful.
Speaker 2:And then that last thing that you said, like yeah, man, I think the biggest thing for that I think the last thing I said was actually has been the biggest thing for me is not trying to take on someone else's reaction as my own. Oh God, you know, that's been my whole 2024 and and really like just owning just who I am in the moment. And I mean that's and I'll share this in a bit that started when I was like a year and a half old. I'll kind of get into the story in a bit.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I noticed how hypervigilant I was to how I was being received, right and for me, a lot of times maybe it was my own interpretation, maybe it was my own projection being reflected back to me, and I think nine times out of 10, it was actually my own projection. It really had barely anything to do with anybody else, but it was what was being reflected back to me, which was again the parts of myself that I didn't want to accept, which is my subtle and calm intensity. And when I say the too muchness, I'm not like a loud and boisterous individual. That's not me right? That's just those are. That's probably how somebody else operates. That's not how right, that's just those are. That's probably how somebody else operates how I operate, like, naturally, I'm just yeah, this is there.
Speaker 1:You seem chill but extroverted I'm, I'm both I mean I could sing.
Speaker 2:I'm pretty introverted, yeah, I actually like, I think I think everyone is an ambivert. Yeah, they're a little bit of both. They may, you know, some people may be more 60% introverted and they're 40%. I think we're a little bit of both and it all depends on the environment that we're in at the time. But yeah, in certain moments I'm 100% introverted, that's what. I'm going down rabbit holes. I don't want to be bothered by anybody, but there's moments where, because I love people, I want to be around them, I want to have that shared experience, I want to feel community. So it's a bit of both.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I'm not loud, that's not just how I am. There are moments where I can be. I've known how to dance within the spectrum of my human expression, but my baseline is just, I like just being chill. Again, I've had experiences where, because I again it's all about my own self image, where I've taken somebody's word too seriously about how they are, essentially like interpreting me, I've gotten, I'm intense a lot and it's not like is this when you're like in the gym, or is it just like you think a deep thought or no, it's just it could be anything and luckily for friends and you know the work that I've done.
Speaker 2:you know I've learned that maybe sometimes it is me, but intensity isn't wrong or bad, I feel you in that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so much bro.
Speaker 2:And I think a lot of times what I've learned. It took a really close friend to help me understand this. This he said he said samson. He said there are a lot of people in the world who can't handle the tension of duality. It's either black or white for them. And he said, when you are able to be so vulnerable, like honestly raw, and that's, I have to have to develop that because I mean, that's what vulnerability is, it's just honesty, bro, Right. Like if you resist vulnerability, that means you resist telling the truth. Like come on y'all and he says you just, you're able to just be vulnerable and say what's happening in your life and then just go right back.
Speaker 2:I think for a lot of people they can't handle that because they are still moving through their own level of self-acceptance of what's happened.
Speaker 2:And I'll say this on record, I'll say this on record. That's something that I'm learning to still work through as it relates to having the people in my life that can actually hold me as a leader, you as someone who possibly supports people and holds for people. A lot of times it's tough for people in our position to. I don't want to speak for you, so I'm going to kind of speak for myself. It's tough for someone in my position to trust that I can fully, just without that individual collapsing. So what I've had to learn to do is have people in my world that I can trust to do that, and that helps me better yet deal with not having to kind of like be hypervigilant in an environment where I don't feel well received, and it's helped me let go of some of the conditioning and self judgment about my own intensity and quote unquote too muchness. And I'll get to this story if we ever get there. But that started when I was super young, yeah.
Speaker 1:Crazy. Samson, I'm going to ask you a question that you asked. I'm going to reflect it back to you. Oh yeah, good, good. What if you're stuck in this belief because you aren't seeing the reward you get from it?
Speaker 2:Yep, yep. What part do you want me to answer that with? Because I have many.
Speaker 1:Just your thoughts on that question, whatever first comes up.
Speaker 2:So I'll speak to the whole hiding thing. Yeah, everything, and there's no layers of complexity to this. Sure, okay, we'll say out of 100 there's probably two percent complexity and nuance to this. I like to see and at some level I have an understanding that everything is working for us, everything. There's nothing we decide, choose or do, whether consciously or unconsciously. That doesn't have a benefit to us. Now that benefit on paper may not look supportive or healthy, but it's still benefiting something.
Speaker 2:That's why we consistently do it, why I consistently hid in plain sight, why I consistently suppress some of my natural gifts, why I consistently kind of you know, was shy and timid, is the benefit I got from it was one. It prevented me from taking responsibility. Where there's responsibility, there's power. So it prevented me from stepping into my power. Where there's power, there's duty. So now, if I didn't take responsibility to accept my power, then I don't have to step up and live in my purpose, which comes with even more responsibility.
Speaker 2:So for me it was easier to hide right in the story and the belief that I wasn't enough, that I was too much, that I was this, that I was that because the investment and the identity was bigger than being in my purpose. And it's not because I wanted it that way. No, it was because that identity was actually supporting moments of my life where I did not feel safe. So those beliefs like minimizing myself, demonizing myself, that was to placate and please the egos of the people in my environment.
Speaker 2:If I lower myself, if I dim my light, that means I won't irritate my mother or my father. That means that when I don't irritate them or activate them or make them feel a certain way, that threatens my safety and survival, well then, maybe love will still be available for me. See what I mean. So the cost for me, or the price or the reward, was the illusion of love, I thought, by minimizing myself. If I people please, if I hide, if I play the hero, if I play the savior, if I'm perfect, if, yeah, if I'm calm on the outside, then maybe people won't leave like my dad did and maybe love will be available for me.
Speaker 1:How do you think this plays out with adults?
Speaker 2:Oh, like if my observation and this is just from working with many people the basis of my work always comes down to the inner child that was left behind. Someone can come in because you know they probably want to work on their breath. Or someone could come in because they want to work on their physical health. Or someone can come in because you know they're experiencing tension in their body. Someone could come in because they're to work on their physical health, or someone can come in because you know they're experiencing tension in their body. Someone could come in because they're having relationship problems.
Speaker 2:Everything comes back to that inner child that was left behind, and how it plays into adults today is my observation is that many adults today are wounded children who never really got a chance to transition into adulthood. I was that little wounded boy in the adult body. The reality and from the ages of zero to seven is usually when it happens, is when our ego forms, the identity forms, and it's from those ages our perspective and view of the world and the view of ourselves is created A lot of times. If we don't resolve some of those issues or challenges that were experienced in our upbringing from those ages, that plays out into adulthood and what that looks like is excuse me, it's the high achiever who is constantly going and going and going and next, and next and next. That doesn't know. The performance is rooted in maybe a time where achieving was the only way to get attention why are you talking to me right now, bro?
Speaker 2:I've been there, who constantly has to overexpress herself and herself and possibly and I'm being mindful of my words here show up in a way because of the lack of attention and love she got. These are all aspects not all, mostly aspects of an inner child, a little boy, a little girl that became who they had to become to receive the love they didn't get when they were being themselves and was rejected. So I go back to myself when I was a year and a half old and my father had just been done drinking from a wine glass. You remember this? I I don't really, I only remember. I remember aspects of it. And then I've confirmed this story with my mom multiple times, like I literally just talked to her about it mid last year after, because there I'm always in reflection about, okay, where I'm at. So I'm like, okay, mom, tell me this story again, cause I want to hear it again.
Speaker 2:So, a year and a half old, my dad had just been done drinking a wine glass and my mom said I picked up the wine glass, I didn't throw it, I didn't bang it, I didn't, I wasn't over-aggressive with the glass. She said, I just put my hand in it and the glass shattered. Okay For them coming from a Nigerian background, I would say they were pretty like taken aback. And they said every time they would call me my name, samson which that was my birth name that I'd be hyper. So they took it upon themselves to make the executive decision to stop calling me my name. Because this is what she said on the phone verbatim mid last year. She said your power was too much for us.
Speaker 1:My hands went hot as she said that bro.
Speaker 2:And now, obviously, looking back, I know my mom. She didn't have any ill will towards it, it was just she. It was in the best interest of her and what she thought was best to stop calling me that. You know, my mom is highly spiritual, so I can possibly maybe I don't. I don't understand from that level why she made that decision.
Speaker 2:But now you can and this is for everybody listening right or watching, we have memories of or we can access memories from previous lifetimes, but we remember everything, let's just say as it relates to this lifetime, from the moment we were in our mother's wombs. We may not have access to it consciously, but the memory is there. And why I share that is because, even as a year and a half old, I felt that from my mom, from my dad, I felt that I was too much, even though she later admitted it, I felt it so not being called the name that I was given at birth. And it wasn't just giving a name, just to be given a name.
Speaker 2:In my culture, at least some aspects of my culture, there was a prophet in the spiritual community and church that I was growing up, that I grew up in, that was appointed to me to meditate on my behalf. We had naming ceremonies and that was the name that was given to me from above right, and my mom, or my parents, stopped calling me that. Like, what's your name? Corey, corey, right. So when I say Corey, it's not just a name.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm commanding your attention. Yeah, it summons me. It summons your energy. Yeah Right, I stopped being called the very energetic signal that summoned me.
Speaker 1:Who you are. Yeah, bro, signal that summoned me.
Speaker 2:So on that level I was dimmed. You see what I mean, yeah. So imagine now, that was at least maybe one of other experiences I'm now growing up with the belief, or the identity, or I formed the identity. Oh, if I'm too much for my mother and my father, who is the world to me, like our parents are the world to us? That's who we pedestalize, that's who God is for us, our parents. If I'm too much for God, what does that mean? Too much for God? What does that mean? So now you can see how that, if not resolved or healed, will be carried into my adult life, where the need to hide still shows up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that, and the feeling of no matter what you do, it's just no.
Speaker 2:Because I'm not enough for God, I'm not enough for my dad, and that was the, that was the belief that I had. It's not enough for my mom or my father. And in fact, it went even deeper. I didn't feel I felt too much for this world and not enough for the other world. So too much for people here and not enough for God. So I was caught in the middle of wrestling when the fuck am I Right? Yeah, you know what I mean. So, yeah, there's just been a lot of reconciliation and resolution that's been done in that regard. That's been done in that regard, and a lot of it had to do with just facing the aspects that I learned to reject in myself due to the lack of acceptance from my environment which, at the end of the day, they didn't know any better. But what a journey to go on to learn how to remember my power.
Speaker 1:And claim it. You must look at your children. Oh, just such a fuck man. You must like, look at your kids. From knowing all this stuff, I'm just, like you know, going so deep and having your own healing. You must just see them.
Speaker 2:In a way, they bring up emotion every time. Man, the moment you said your children, yeah, yep, um talk to me about it.
Speaker 2:You know, what I will say is that I didn't doubt or hide 100% of the time. Right, there was still a deeper part of me that knew I was created for more. It was just very challenging to get through because of the commitment to the belief in the identity that was rooted in. Honestly, survival because that's what it really was of just transformation that I'm committed to and still committed to. For me personally, I'm realizing even more is why the souls of my kids chose me, and they are, I mean, outside of my wife. They are two of the greatest blessings I've ever received.
Speaker 2:Now, fatherhood is challenging on its own, but they are. Fatherhood is an initiation that pulls something out of you as a man that I don't believe anything else. Can I don't believe anything else. Can I don't believe anything else? Can you know? Someone dear to me once said it's like having a child is like watching your heart run around outside of you and to know that I am capable and entrusted by God, because I know I don't own them, I know I was chosen to guide them. To know I've been entrusted to guide these souls for me is one of the greatest and ultimate duties that I have. So when I hear that and also just every day, the overwhelming, overwhelming love that they have to give is just a reminder of what's available. If I'm willing to just be present, because my first daughter is six, is that at every age of her growth, what I have not based on the necessity of it needing to come up, what I have not faced in my childhood, she brings up for me Ooh.
Speaker 2:So at year one, if there's something there from a year old comes up. There was nothing between year one and year two. Year three, though, three years old, something came up and it was around and I'll never forget this day. My wife had left and it was just me and her for four days, and in those four days I was more reactive than I'd ever been with her and I'm like Samson, what the fuck is going on with you? Why are you reacting to your daughter? And to a point where her voice would irritate me. I was like, nah, this is not good.
Speaker 2:And I remember taking her grocery shopping. We went to the supermarket and I had her in the cart and if you see, you know my first daughter, she's like, she's a girl's, girl like sweet, like she's. We knew she was a nurturer since she was like very little. She's so sweet. She looks at me and she places her hand on my chest and the first thing I do is I go, I get defensive, oh shit, and I'm like all right, there's something here that I really got to work on. So we get home and I put her to bed and I just sat in a reflector, activated by the fact that she got to ask whatever she wanted. She got to be whoever she wanted, she got to do whatever she wanted. The freedom she got as a child he felt he didn't get, and it was kind of interesting to father my little boy while fathering my daughter.
Speaker 1:It's like that cosmic joke, isn't it, of being like, oh, you know, we're here to guide and look at the children and everything, but then, like they're just teaching the shit out of you. It's like, hey, thanks for coaching me directly guys, oh, they're, they're.
Speaker 2:So I realized in that moment, like, like, oh, got it. And she? Just because, even though she's six right, she still has this innocence and purity to her that I'm challenged by still. I'm still challenged by it because of the freedom she has to just express herself and I'm noticing even parts of myself that I've not given myself permission to do so. So I'm learning to learn from my daughter while guiding her. You see what I mean. So that's why, like, it's the, it's outside of all that, it's just the love that they are, it's the love and it's the reminder of where we all come from and where we're all going to go back to.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Move what's heavy with a light heart. Yeah, it's a big. This has been a big one for me too. I've had a tendency to just take life a bit more seriously, too seriously at times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is that like the?
Speaker 2:intensity part comes up. Um no, I just, I just, you know, I think intensity, just it's, it's, it's, it's my nature, and without making it mean anything, and again, intensity is subjective yeah, very true what's what's in.
Speaker 2:What's intense for me may not be intense for you, and I think what I've made intense was how people perceived me. Okay, you know my mom, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or my parents, and then people that would literally look in my eyes and, like you know, for a long time I would, I judge myself because, so you met me for the first time, I'm six foot, jacked as shit, taking care of myself, long hair, right, I could carry myself in a certain way for some people. Again, this is probably my projection. That's unexpected. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So, but I will also say, which is reflective of, like, what I've been able to do, two of the best compliments I've ever received, ever, and I don't make them mean anything, I just, you know, kind of take them and just reflect upon them. One from men was that you look like you fuck somebody up. So I'm like, okay, cool, if I need to protect my family, I can protect my family, right, but they both came from men and women, there's that. And then the other was I feel safer around you, and I think that is predicated upon the level of safety I feel within my own agency and constitution, right, but I've had a tendency to take things really seriously, and I'm still learning, again, right, that the work never ends, because life never ends. There's no beginning. It's a continuous evolution and process, unfolding forever, and we're caught in this momentary physical dimension to experience that unfolding in the way we're meant to, during this very blip in time, and to continuously rest and accept. That is how can I know that, even through the quote-unquote heaviness that may show up in my life, how can I do it with a light heart?
Speaker 2:And what I've learned is that, as long as I'm willing to keep my heart open, it remains light. If I don't, then, just like a dam prevents water from flowing, I'm causing the weight or the burden to be heavier the more I'm resisting the flow of energy that's meant to move through my heart. So that looks like just being present with what comes up. That looks like breathing, feeling my body. That looks like consciously interrupting ways that fear may want to show up, even though it may want to serve and protect me, but slowing down enough to the speed of what is being shown to me in the present so I can bring my heart back into the room.
Speaker 2:That is what has worked, to know that, and this is just a reminder that I get from my children a lot is that if it's a big cosmic joke, why am I not laughing? Oof, right, right. If it's a big cosmic joke, why am I not laughing, unless I've made it something else? I relate to you so much for that seriousness part, man, and that not laughing. Yeah, yeah, and I love to laugh. I, I'm a, I'm a big goofball and that's, that's the, that's the other side of it. I'm the biggest goofball ever, but sometimes I notice.
Speaker 1:Like turn it off.
Speaker 2:And I think it's a level of responsibility that I bear for the duty that I feel I'm here to carry out. But I also think it's important to have moments where I can remember that, hey, bro, you're here for a moment in time. Be who you're here to be, but be mindful not to take it so seriously, you know yeah.
Speaker 1:Wow, I know you like Carl Jung. You've read out some of his quotes before I'm gonna read. I'm gonna read a different one too, though right, I'm just gonna see your opinion on this, because I'm a young, young fan as well. Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams? Who looks inside awakes? I want to hear your perception on that.
Speaker 2:In regards to men, yeah, okay, what's coming forward for me? I think it's men who are deemed to be more masculine beings, because both men and women have masculine or feminine energies within them. The men who are even young said there's about 60, 40, or 70, 30 energetics as it relates to each man and woman. So we're deemed to be more masculine beings. It's masculine to be external.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:So what I mean by that is so, if we're looking at the energies from, or if we're looking at masculine, feminine dynamics from the solely energetic perspective, masculine is an external energy. It's it's, it's externally expressed. Look at how our sexual organs are designed. It's out right, it's giving, we're reaching, we're extending. So it's an external expression. So I think it's our nature to be external. But because we also possess feminine energy, I think it's important for us to remember that real change and transformation is internal. To wake up, to awaken, is not to rely on your eyesight, which is to see externally, but to connect with your insight a world that is before what is seen. The tendency to resist going internal, I think, is from the fear of what men are going to find there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is where men get caught in the trap of tick boxing yes, right, there's, I'm doing the next thing and I do the next thing and do the next thing. I can start the business, get the goal, do this stuff whatever. And then fulfillment they turn to drugs, turn to alcohol because they're trying to feel something. They'll turn to making their partner God to try to feel something out of them. They'll become too attached. Yep.
Speaker 2:Well, back to that conversation of and we'll direct this at men that man probably, highly likely, still has a little boy within him that's operating from survival, that created an identity, that thought that he needed to build and build, have, achieve all these externally based things to fill the void that is present from the experience, or experiences he has as a child, that he couldn't resolve and what I'm seeing recently in regards to exactly that, is that men in that position choose women who do not nurture them, of course, of course, and then they get fucked up of course, and it's, it's not even, it's not even so much nurture them.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's, they choose dynamics again. This is again, this is this nuance, this. I think they choose dynamics that, in some cases, reflect not knowing how to receive love.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So if I get the money, if I get the money, if I do the business, then maybe I'll be good enough, aka lovable just to prove what I did, baby right.
Speaker 2:so every spiritual tradition has said it I don't care where you go on the face of this planet. Every spiritual tradition has said it I don't care where you go on the face of this planet. Every spiritual tradition has said this, has literally had this principle baked into their culture for eons that it is an inner game. The kingdom of heaven is within you, not outside of you. Within you, and everything external that is created or manifested because that word is thrown around so much right is predicated upon what is happening internally so it can look great on the outside. This is why I also don't rely on what my eyes show me, or I also don't rely on what my mind tells me. My mind, without my heart, is just a one-sided relationship with a part of me that is rooted in suffering that I'm going to experience or haven't experienced yet. Feeling how does it feel I could have all these things externally, but if I'm disconnected from it, then what is it really worth? How do I feel about it? That's the question. So to that saying about Jung for me, because it's run true for me, I've awoken when I've connected with the parts of me internally, right, the soul, the voice of God, the whispers of my intuition, because that's where true fulfillment lies. Right, I'm not Because I like to use visuals, and even though I love that these are here.
Speaker 2:Fiddles trees are some of my greatest teachers. I love that these are here. Fiddles trees are some of my greatest teachers. They're very simple, but the wisdom is profound. We see these trees here and what do you notice?
Speaker 1:this one's fake as shit. Well, let's say they were real, yeah yeah, I didn't want to. I didn't want to put them on black sorry, corey studio, these plates are far, uh, fake baby, um. So what I noticed when I first look at them is like there's green, there's sticks, and it looks like the leaves have veins that go through them yep, so there's leaves, there's sticks, they're branches, yep, right and they got some sort of vein system.
Speaker 1:They grow randomly. Um, when I know trees, I always have this thing. So I told as a kid it's like the way that their branches grow out is to like drop water onto the roots and I was like, oh, that's interesting, other than that they stick to the ground and they're older than me.
Speaker 1:Yep, like that's probably the main things I see sometimes I look at trees and I'm like, oh man, you've been, you've been on this earth for so long that I've ever been and you're going to be here for so much longer than I've ever ever been. Sometimes I'm like running through rainforest. I'm like all that tree is old baby. Then I start thinking about death and I'm like, all right, we're gonna shake this, but that's, that's about as deep as I get, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I mean, yeah, you can see, okay, let's say these are real, so it looks like they're healthy, right. So, okay, the leaves represent maybe the amount of money you've made, yeah, or maybe the partner you have at home, or maybe the car you're driving right, so this is like what you can see. Or maybe the box of things you've achieved, or the, the quarter that you've hit, or whatever else. But very seldomly do we realize that everything we see is based upon everything that's happened underground there's like immediately I just's happened on the ground.
Speaker 1:There's like, immediately I just thought of, like the world tree, in terms of the symbol of like the north, the north world tree, of like the tree coming up as like the deeper the roots to hell, the higher the branches go to heaven.
Speaker 2:And the tree awakens because of what's happening in the unseen. So the willingness to go in the dark and reach your roots down in the unseen, in the internal, will determine everything that exists above ground or in the external, above ground or in the external. So no matter what you have on the outside of what's being shown, the health of it, the true health of it, will be determined upon how healthy the roots are. Again, for us that's the internal world.
Speaker 1:You got to clean them roots out, baby, because if they're messy and they're destroyed and they're rotten, I feel you when you said about the poison.
Speaker 2:It's like if you're poisoned from the root up. You know it's all going to…. There's a tendency to want to fix an external issue with an external solution. Oh, I'm….
Speaker 1:Everything I'm saying like is a secret right, who me?
Speaker 2:If the fruit's fucked up, you don't go to try to fix the fruit where. Where is the lack of harmony, balance or health in my roots?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah yeah, and it's so crazy because, like if I was to give something like practical in terms to people, it's like what do you do about this? Right, the first is you just talk about it. So the first thing to start is talk about it. Yes, look and take responsibility. Yeah, it's like someone can reflect you. You did this and you have that moment of being when your body goes no, and you feel like there's resistance, and then you're like like we found those guys in my community, cause I have like a men's community where they's coming up and they're like
Speaker 2:they're like fuck this oh, this shit's coming up. I'm out.
Speaker 1:Right, you know I'm out. I don't want to look at this. I don't want to face this. I don't want to have to, like move through whatever it is. Yeah, and it's like every single person who has stayed and faced it and like gone into that had that moment where I've actually been held by the other dudes and this is just talking and they just have to. Literally it's like they just have to admit something to themselves in front of other people, regulate their nervous systems and then they go and do something big afterwards that they've always wanted to do and they've reaped the rewards of it. And it's crazy to see. Or some people have to go and do something that they don't want to do but they know that they've, you know, tied a knot somewhere they have to unleave and they're like, fuck, I wish I didn't know this, because now I have to go and do this difficult thing. But it's like, well, you can stay in the same place for the next 30 years if you wanted to, or you could go and untie the knot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, bro, um, I mean even that, especially for men. I mean it's, there are numbers to speak to this Men are more likely to commit well, they are committing suicide at a four times higher rate than women. And it's not anything novel, right? Sure, there are layers of complexity there and it's subjective, based on that personal experience of that man. But a lot of it is connected to holding on to burdens that they feel they have to bear alone. And the world has never been like that, because principles and I'm not saying the world's perfect, that's what I'm saying but when I say that what hasn't been like that is because I study a lot and I'm connected to a lot of ancient cultures and practices. Fortunately enough, like my culture and practice, there's a lot of things. I look back now.
Speaker 2:As an adult, I was like oh, that's why we do that we got like just two or three quick examples of like some cultural community yeah, community, yeah, in in the West there is this culture I don't even want to call it a culture right, there is this need for hyper individualism, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Now, I'm not saying that there isn't a reason or need to be self-sufficient or independent, but independence without other people is just a ticking time bomb waiting to explode because we need each other. So where's the fine line of both interdependence? So what we're experiencing right now, we're seeing it. I'm saying it looks like the world is going to shit and leaves from the west. No, I'm like, no, we're just. We're just going through the cycles and rebalancing of the lack of harmony we've had for so long.
Speaker 2:So hyper-individualism is counterproductive to the need for community that can serve as compassionate witnesses for a man to know that he's not alone. A lot of the men that I know have committed suicide is because of the thought or the idea that they've had to bear the burden all by themselves. Some of them were depressed, and depression from a non-clinical pathology perspective because that's another thing, by the way, in my culture perspective, because that's another thing, by the way, in my culture a lot of, uh, ancient indigenous practices, there is a remedy for depression. They know that moment. Oh, okay, is this nigerian culture? This is nigerian african culture. Yes, which is it's, there's, not it's. And when I say nigerian culture, I'm also saying nigerian culture before colonization. Right, they know okay, when that person's off, there is a crack in the community somewhere oh shit, I love that because, I love that.
Speaker 2:Because the community produces the individual, just like the individual produces the community. So if that person's going through it, the community is going through it. Whereas here if I'm going through something, I feel like I'm the only one. So that's why, for men, when they see that they're not alone, yeah, it dissipates, yeah it just goes because like oh, this is an us thing. Yeah, it's not a me thing, this is an us thing. Yeah, you see what I?
Speaker 1:mean yeah, do you ever read fantasy books? You ever read novels like, like I used to I'm just supposed to have a non-fiction path.
Speaker 2:Well, I think I need to, just for my, my own imagination.
Speaker 1:I found I had to because I was reading so much heavy shit that I was like I need to listen to something fun for a while. And do you know the um red rising series? Have I? No, no, no, it's fantastic. It's like um, it's kind of like a game of thrones, lord of the rings about like 10 000 years in the future, and they've, like they've colonized the planets out into like pluto. So we've got.
Speaker 1:I think I've heard of this yeah, it's really cool, but there's a moment in there just reminds me of this story that was really powerful, when one of the guys was learning leadership and he learned how to be a dictator in like the schools of um, the like is the main character of the schools of teaching them how to like graduate and be leaders in like the, the, the planetary system.
Speaker 1:And then he defied it because he was like all of this is wrong, like this is the worst type of leadership.
Speaker 1:And he was trying to like whoop these, like dudes that were underneath him like whoop their ass so that they could be good in their tribe. Because he's like I want to have the best tribe and I want to win this thing. And we got to do this because people's lives are at stake and one of the guys that he was like leading just fucks up in the worst way and like just ruins the people, like ruin some of their own teammates in a real bad way. So what he did instead because he's like he's still talented was he like lashed him like 50 lashes in front of all the people, and then he's like now me and takes his off because he's like I'm such a shit leader and he's like I get the lashes too. And then he just gets his ass whooped right and then he's like we bear the load together. And then the guy like never, the one who like stepped out of line, like never stepped out of line again. Well, again.
Speaker 2:Oh, handsome story. So Well, again it's a handsome story. So this is why, in my interpretation from what you're saying, so the farther we are away from God, the more laws we need. The closer we are to God, the less laws we need. And when we look at the golden rule, or the very simple yet principle that I think every culture has expressed, like do unto others as you have them, do unto you right, or imbutu, which is pretty much you are me and I am you right, or love thy neighbor as you love yourself, there's these consistent principles that are pretty much saying that you to me, I do to you, and what you do to you, you do to me. So I think we've gotten to a point where we are so disconnected from ourselves that it's leaked out to how we treat other people. I was thinking about this the other day and I'm like it's just so simple, but oh, this is probably why it isn't carried out.
Speaker 2:The law or the principle of love thy neighbor as you love yourself. Well, the standard is how you love yourself. And if you're disconnected from who you are and if you're resisting part of yourself and if you're denying any part of your humanity, that's fear occupying those aspects of who you are and there's no love there. So if there's no love there, there's judgment. When there's judgment, there's survival. When we're surviving, there's no connection. So if I can't love myself, how can I have the capacity to have what I get to give my neighbor? This is why the work is important, because what we do for us, we do for everyone else, and what you do for everyone else, you do for yourself. So I could see that it's like when that guy that stepped out of line saw the consequences of his actions that caused his leader to have to go through that suffering, he's like there's nothing much to say. But I don't want to cause that much pain to somebody else again.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Bro, and it's like. This is why we we get to do the work, and and I don't say that as loosely as just doing the work, because again, that's another yeah, it's like it's important during this time for the livelihood of not just ourselves, but also the planet we live on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like we're the transitionary generation. I feel like there was a stuck one in this transition and then our children's children, from my perspective, just get to be so free. Right, it's like we're the ones, I feel like, that are really bringing this consciousness stuff in. I thought they tried to in the 1940s, of all the philosophy the eastern, the western philosophy but because of how everything was set up, it was just like too difficult to get it through. Industry, yeah, industry was like so hard to get it through, even though that was like where philosophy was created. You know like the yin and the yang between like industry is crazy, but look at all this shit, like these people are learning, like it's fucking insane. But like we get to transition that, um, I'm gonna just mention some things, but quickly, right, some quick things, and I want some, uh, quick answers from you, because we get to the end, because I know I feel like we've walled up now and I want to, like, keep going.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh, I got like three more hours worth of questions to ask you, god damn. So um, I was gonna say some things like real quickly, right? Fear, resistance, relationships and patterns what's the relationship between those in your opinion? Quick answer say that again fear, resistance, relationships and patterns what is the relationship between these in your opinion?
Speaker 2:what comes up for me is um the need to survive.
Speaker 1:Purpose.
Speaker 2:How do you find it? You don't need to find it, you are it, you just need to listen.
Speaker 1:Connection.
Speaker 2:How do you express it? Get your ego out of the way. Bring your heart back in the room Business. How do I express it?
Speaker 1:Get your ego out of the way, bring your heart back in the room. Business. How do I?
Speaker 2:feel it. Bring your soul back into it.
Speaker 1:Fitness.
Speaker 2:Why is it important? Because your body is the conduit, bridge and vessel for your soul to express and be who it's here to be. So, beyond just vanity, your health and well-being supports the very channel you have so you can receive higher wisdom and ground it in your body to embody who you're here to be.
Speaker 1:Samson Orasanyo, why are you here?
Speaker 2:You know, I want to give you this, even the answer that's in the present, that's well thought out, that's behind words. I'm here to love, I'm here to give it, I'm here to receive it and I'm here to be a reminder to myself when I'm not in it. I'm here to be a micro expression of God in my own way, just like everybody is in their own way, and I'm here to collect wisdom and lessons that my soul thought was necessary in this moment in time.
Speaker 1:Where can people find you and get involved in your work?
Speaker 2:Talking about transition. We're in a lot of transition right now as it relates to business and I'm not hiding so there are things that are being revamped on a more professional level, but currently, right now, it's on instagram. Um, so samson's underscore strengthcom um, yeah, if, yeah, there's any interest to work or even have questions or you're curious, I'm somebody that loves to respond to people and, you know, have conversations. Yeah, thanks so much for coming on to the show of course, man. Thanks for having me appreciate you, brother appreciate you, bro.
Speaker 1:Holy shit, dude. I was just doing this thing like worn up and uh, I was like, just as this is getting juicy, what time is it? Two more hours. I was like ah, I was like really Wait, is it too?
Speaker 2:It's been like an hour and ten minutes it felt longer. It did feel longer Time like it slowed the fuck down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I thought it was like two o'clock. Yeah, like some of the presence, you summoned a lot of presents of me and we're chatting. I was like this is a stupid answer from my place as long as it's being you, bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm all about it. Yeah, of course, man. Thank you for the questions. Thank you for the thoughtfulness, yeah yeah elite too, yeah, but who do you? Who else do you have? Well, did you been to his side of reporting? Okay, I don't know if you want to keep it on uh, just keep it going.
Speaker 1:yeah, that's fine. Yeah, um, interviewed mark yesterday, but we have to do it again. Okay, because we did it in like a home studio setup. It looked sick. We made it. It was like so good, but one of the videos just didn't work. Oh, you did it with the iPhone. We made it with the iPhones, but it looked elite. I was like because he just brought over lights, like kind of like this, just his poles, yeah, and that was so sick and this looks so good. I was looking at it and I was like the angles and everything. I was like, oh, I've got to have a leap over this weird iPhone. I was like, oh, it's so good. But yeah, lexi, do you know that camera?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's who you're dealing with, yeah.
Speaker 1:Matt, yeah, I love Matt too. Yep, the first fruit, but he's Australian, but this is australian. He spreads it. Do you know? Do you like the fun in it? So you, I mean, if I see it, but his name doesn't ring, but he's like a friend of his from the back of the day as an australian guy and he wasn't knows everybody, he knows everybody yeah yeah, um, he's a friend of mine and like he's friends with matt and we were just outside. I mean it got a lot of people yeah, matt, matt's.
Speaker 2:Matt's a dope, dope guy. You know he's, oh yeah, he's here now. You know, yeah, he's. Oh yeah, he's here now. You know, yeah, easy, amazing. So yeah, dope, that's. The thing else Is that you guys spoke about what relation he's relationships instead of his.
Speaker 1:In life she's keen to. Yeah, nothing, just really after a breakup, and one day he went to ask them just some selfish questions. So this would be staff. Let it go. I mean trojans session left. I mean that's a good, that's a good idea. Yeah, it does. I've done a lot. I had, um, do you know robert glover? I do, yeah, I had him on the podcast and I was like I'm gonna make this the most selfish podcast I've ever done there it was fantastic.
Speaker 2:I think it's a brilliant idea. Yeah, I get people that you know obviously in the service-based business in that way and just make it a session.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then everybody could benefit from it, because yeah, the thing that like fucked me up, though like doing that was because it's like interview so many people, especially as a business or something else. It's like I've got all these ideas. I'm like I'm going to do all of these things and I shoot myself in the foot so I do too much shit. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but I get it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like Do we like multi-passionate you oh?
Speaker 1:yeah, oh yeah. Everything I'm like most when you talk about you're like I can be extremely introverted. I'm so introverted. I like externalize like I process everything he's done like for me.
Speaker 1:Even though, like, I get head in the books and I love readish and going like crazy, all my books are just underlined as shit. Like I go in there, like there I'd be like two weeks and I think we're crazy. I'm like, no, I'm about to do crazy, I need to get'm not talking to people like I, like I, crazy, I don't know what it is, but wow, you're good questions there oh thank you, I made it easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I work. I work best under those conditions that I'm prompted. Yeah, I'm not. Uh, I don't you know if it works with people. I don't like the. What question would you like me to ask you? It's just a higher role yeah, I either go.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to get to know your podcast, right, just free flow. Just let me just ask, like, whatever comes up, or I like you know preparing when the budget points, either, or and like you're a deep person, so like I could tell that from music, from people that have talked about you. So I'm like, well, I'm gonna prepare some dabs. Sorry, there's a little bit of structure in here, so we can learn that speaking about depth, that's one thing that I like.
Speaker 2:Oh, bro, right, has so much like resistance to, and not resistance as a like, denying my own, it's just I thought, oh, so that was the thing that was intense, right. So, oh, I love that you brought that up. That's the thing that I know was intense for a lot of people because and again, this is observation, you can tell I probably self-reflect too much to make sure that I'm not projecting, it's just observation. Many people I've come across, many people I've not, like you know, like projecting, it's just observation, just through. Many people I've come across, many people I've worked with. It's a lot easier and energetically beneficial and efficient to hang on the surface. So I notice, if, like, I can go deep, can I say something? Shake your hand.
Speaker 1:Yes, please False. Can I say something? Shake your hand. Yes, please False.
Speaker 2:I think that healthy balance is necessary.
Speaker 1:But it's area versus hard learning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro.
Speaker 1:I'm not high, given it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I would feel that people would be like, oh, it's not that geek, but I'm like it is Ariel vs Halloween in LA. Yeah, bro, I'm not high for that. Yeah, and I would feel that people would be like, oh, it's not that geek, but I'm like it is, bro, it is. Though.
Speaker 1:It is the D Duh.
Speaker 2:Ooh, that's super. Does he stay in the building or does he live around here somewhere?
Speaker 1:I don't know, has anyone called out for it? Yeah, he said I don't think he lives here, but yeah, I think he's just been running this. He said running for like four years or something. We're doing this one, so he's been in for a while.
Speaker 2:I do think the background looks familiar. I know I've seen him quite often.
Speaker 1:I've seen him. I mean it's legit. Yeah, I kind of want to say that I was thinking about setting one up on the Gold Coast as well, just like a little one, because I'm like. So hand, tell me about you, bro, like oh bro.
Speaker 1:So I know it's such a like vegan bro I know I'll just do like our like my entire life story and I tried doing like a minute. Okay, but I know your life story like a minute. So I grew up to be a singer, dancer and actor like before my whole life. Yeah, for real, yep. So from the age of like eight to ten years old, I was putting in like 16 hours a week outside of school, working Hectic. Yeah, it started going nuts, right, oh, probably more. From the age of like it was probably like 5 to 8 hours a week and then away to like early teens, 12 and stuff. It was like a full-on job. I didn't get a lot of holidays. I did have holidays, but a lot of my own. So I was working, you know, for the whole holidays, weekends I was working, but it was fun. I loved it, right, you know what I mean Like getting paid, like you know, $50 an hour at the age of like 10, 11. It was great.
Speaker 1:But my mum unconsciously, like she never projected this on me, but everywhere else she projected like, uh, I look at my, uh, his, she was like a famous singer, pretty much like not huge, but like australian, knowing like around and then so essentially she was like oh, look at this son, that I had right. So that's, this is like need for me in terms of like needing approval, but then my dad wasn't around. There's a pressure of having to live up to that pressure. I've lived up to that. And then dad was. He wasn't there because he was just working hard to provide Biggest love, right, most softest, sensitive guy, but had this hardness on the outside. You can fucking work hard, bro, but really just yeah, we're like best friends. Now I cracked it, I fucking got it Cracked. A fuzz cat, he's like he's full tapped in, doesn't really watch it now, um.
Speaker 1:And then they broke up when I was 15 and that like fucked me up. I didn't think it would of as bad as what I had because, like you know, from the age I think was like it was like 10, 11 or 12, I'd get like I'd be sitting the dinner table just like hope dad doesn't come home because parents are just gonna fucking argue the whole time, right? So this is this chaotic, you know uh experience. And then, when they broke up, I lived with mom for a while. She just went pure chaos, like pure chaos. But she's also betrayed with everything because, like dad did dirty on her, um, and then I went to live with dad for a while because I was like this is just too, too hectic live with dad. He was trying to like whoop my ass but at the same time couldn't speak emotionally. So there was a moment in their time where I just wanted to like, die. I was like and then I attacked everything. When I started getting sex, I attached all of my worth to sex and then I got cheated on like 10 times by the same partner the same time.
Speaker 1:I started getting into bodybuilding was the only thing that like, kind of say, I was just watching anime till like 4 o'clock in the fucking morning. Go to work from 7 to whatever. It is. Sleek, this famous singer, dancer and actor. I've been like lead show in theater productions, tv, like film or this shit.
Speaker 1:Expectation. That was expectation. I always like a one sports days, a fucking um, you know, like when I applied anything intellectually, like I did well, you know, when I had the space to it, like, uh, in the singing, dancing active, like I won all the awards and all that shit. So it was like this overachieving part there. And then, yes, it was in 20s that happened fully lost myself and then, like, I just turned to the gym and then started competing and I started a lot was like this, I don't have like a year period of just sulk. And then I started winning and I was like what the fuck? I'm winning again. I was getting on stage again and I was like, holy shit, check this out. Uh, and bodybuilding part of it for me is never because I hated how I looked. I just knew I was going to be jacked. I just knew I was going to be like that. It was more to help me process everything that was going on, process it.
Speaker 1:I competed and then I still fell into bad habits and relationships and shit. And then I competed again and then I competed again and then I went to uni, got a business degree, mastered in management, completed that and then got a business degree uh, mastered in management, completely that and then got a job in the nine to five and I was like and people have been there for like 30 years government, I was a fuck, this like. I was like, imagine if you put all of the work that you learn in government into you. I'm like I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna get my pro card in a in an untested federation and I whooped the x so I come in there one. I put my soul into like getting a pro card that was so significant to me and I got it and I was like, wow, if I can do this, I can do anything. So then, and from then, I was like I'm gonna create a program.
Speaker 1:It's not fitness, everything I learned because I was studying philosophy at the time. I was reading Nietzsche, dostoevsky, jung and Campbell, like I just went hardcore to those guys study a hero's journey, like an absolute, like beast. Uh, by hacking meditation, like I think I did like meditate every day for like a year, for a while now. Yeah, um was like listening to sam harris and shit. Then I put everything I learned into like a just a system.
Speaker 1:And then a 21 year old multi-millionaire reached out, was like I want to get fit and I was like, no, I'll do something else. He was like show, and then it jumped up. I started coaching him. I coached the next person, the next person. I was like are you creative group, creative group and Creative group. And then, yeah, I go like.
Speaker 1:And then went to like some retreats and best into like Preston's Summit. I was so motivated and inspiring. And Glenn, who's, like you know, one of my best friends, who was coaching me. He'd been traveling the world with Preston, so we had some exercises that we want to do that on our own, and then we asked him permission to use a cup of a cup of theirs, as they do, and then we create in our own thing, just mainly just for men, process it and it's the whole. Retreats are based around that and, um, you run out of your thoughts. I started the podcast and the rest is in history. So then, yeah, I've been having a boss. That's like I wonder, about fight. How young are you? I'm 31, 32 this month, maybe for real. Yeah, let's go, you're gonna be spending it here. No, I'll be leaving right before really yeah, okay, right before.
Speaker 1:So we're doing a treat first or second on January, okay, so after that okay similar, similar retreat yeah same, but we're doing this one, we're doing it with like, so we're not doing like as like this is like a two-day, like it's the same thing, but like an event, yeah, um, and instead of having like people stay over and getting like shit and shit okay, so it's like a daily commute thing yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's just like, yeah, so it's like a commute thing. Uh, I mean because we want to just see how we go, because I had a lot of women say, oh, can you do something for us on that as well? Like we want to be involved with this, and I've done like a bunch of workshops with them. I fucking love it. Oh, it's the best. I mean it's really cool. So less, yeah, yeah, so good. So, yeah, man, yeah, that's it bro.
Speaker 1:And then like this, like 2024 is like the most testing year, like my first year of business boo, second year of business boo, third year of business man, and that was happening again like his relationship with someone I thought was the one, it was like it was the best relationship. But then our inner child, when we moved in, just started to beat Just rest and we couldn't figure, we couldn't hack it, we could not hack it. And all the consciousness and all the stuff that we learned, I feel like for me, the intellectualizing it, because I intellectualized too much, too much self-reflection, too much stuff, and I was like this is trying to figure out a fucking problem and um, yeah, that fucked it. So I'm like three months fresh out of a breakup and like I went in to feeling that shit as best as I could have just allowed everything to burn and it needs to burn. I better like just allow my nervous system to to heal out the appointment.
Speaker 1:And now it's like on the yeah, like I hit the bottom probably, like it was like for about a month ago and I'm like all right, this is what the bottom looks like. Yeah, and now I'm put everything like back to my back to get this is back, to get back together and feel good about it too. Like I feel so good about it. I'm so happy for all the work and so grateful for it of just being able to like go through that and then ask help and support and stuff, like when you do them yeah and um, yeah the goodness, that was a fucking testing year dude like, but it's probably the most, as you said, at first I was like this is one that crap up.
Speaker 1:So 24 was.