Set The Standard

Men with Mums who Criticise Dad Become People Pleasers

• Corey Boutwell • Season 1 • Episode 269

Share episode

👥 Join Our Free Men's Community:
https://www.skool.com/setthestandard/about

🧲 Ready to Become Magnetic?
Take the 7-Day Challenge or DM me on Instagram:
https://8eltyrvzums.typeform.com/to/n777WygR

You can't be magnetic if your nervous system is fried.

And most men don't realise why they're stuck in people-pleasing, overthinking, or burnout…

It's not a productivity issue it's some damn trauma manyne

This video breaks down how growing up with a mum who belittled your dad silently destroys your masculine frame and how to break free from it.

👉 Especially if you're the kind of man who:

• Overthinks everything in business and dating
• Struggles to lead in relationships
• Feels exhausted no matter how "successful" he gets
• Avoids conflict, strong women, or charging your worth
• Feels like nothing is ever enough

This is the masculine healing you never got and the magnetic shift that changes everything.

In this video you'll learn:

• How the "yes man" syndrome starts in childhood
• Why you're addicted to chaos & avoid healthy love
• How dad's emotional absence created your business insecurity
• The 6-step blueprint to reclaim your masculine edge
• Books, groups, retreats, and tools to fully rewire your patterns
• Why your nervous system is the key to presence, polarity & profit
• How to stop feeling like a boy in a man's life

⸻

Timestamps:
00:00 – The Mother Wound & Masculine Collapse
01:00 – Why Nice Guys Stay Broke & Invisible
03:00 – Your Nervous System is Your Magnetic Power Source
04:58 – 6 Steps to Break the Cycle
06:12 – Books, Retreats, & Tools That Changed My Life
09:10 – Finding Purpose & Building Unshakeable Confidence

⸻

👥 Join Our Free Men's Community:
https://www.skool.com/setthestandard/about

🧲 Ready to Become Magnetic?
Take the 7-Day Challenge or DM me on Instagram:
https://8eltyrvzums.typeform.com/to/n777WygR

⸻

Big love,
Corey
Founder of Set The Standard
Where men become magnetic, powerful, and free.

Apply here https://www.coreyboutwell.net/speaksoon

Join Our Community: https://www.skool.com/setthestandard/about

FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/dydp

Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.

Speaker 0:

Men whose moms belittled their dads in front of them often become people pleasers. And if this is you, I'm going to take you step-by-step through how to overcome this. And this was also me, and I've had to learn to overcome this. And I didn't realize it was me until I started progressing in business and progressing in relationships, and the more relationships, the deeper the intimacy that I got in those relationships, and the better that I grew in business, the more that this got highlighted. So this is my lessons and I can't wait to show you guys, and my name is Corey Batwell. I'm the founder of Set, the Standard Men's Movement, and I've worked with close to 400 men now and run retreats all around Australia, and what I have realized coaching this is that it's not just me, it's all of us. So let's get into these systems now.

Speaker 0:

So there are three things that in our childhood trauma ruin our magnetism, and the first one is men get used to saying yes because their dad had no mechanisms to say no, and this is especially true if their mom's. You notice that your mom was belittling your dad in front of you. Now, essentially, what this means is that as we start to age and get older, we adapt this from our parents, which it feels like things. We start to force things in our lives and things aren't being as attractive or magnetic to us because we're that, yes, man right, there's no polarization, there's no masculine spine within us, because we've witnessed our dad saying yes all the time to our moms, and they only do that because our moms that were at a stage where they probably needed validation. Unconsciously, they needed acknowledgement, they were struggling with the kids and they just had feminine chaos within them. Now, most of the times is our dads. This probably happened to our dad's dad and our dad's dad and our dad's dad and they didn't realize that this is a generational trauma that has been passed down and it is our responsibility to break this. Otherwise we will pass it on to our children and we really don't want to do that. So our dads did not have the skills to insert boundaries with our moms and, as we've witnessed that and this is just our preferences growing up then we take it on and then what happens is we unconsciously choose women who do the same thing and then we're always in arguments, we're always feeling drained, we're trying to focus on business, but for some reason we have brain fog and we can't think. Our testosterone starts to decrease because our nervous system is shot and we're not as regulated as what we would like to be. So it is our duty to completely break this, which is what I'm going to teach you a little bit later in this video. Number two they actively seek out pain and avoid healed women.

Speaker 0:

This is something that I realize that I have done within a bunch of relationships. I don't know about you guys, and let me know if you relate to this, but I remember when I look back at my ex-partners I always think, oh man, why is it that I always choose women who had this edge to them? I had a little bit of an edge and anytime women would be nurturing or kind or caring, I'd think like yuck, gross, I don't want that. And I think that was a part of me not knowing that I could actually receive that from a woman and knowing that women just love to give in general, that they are love. Their being and their essence is love and they're always going to give love. And if I is love and they're always going to give love, and if I can't receive that properly in my nervous system, in my soul, they're going to build up resentment, they're going to feel angry and they're going to need more validation because they're thinking I'm giving him love this way and I'm not getting any energy back for it. Help me so they will act out this way, where they will try to do anything to get that attention, to fill that void. And, as men, if we haven't led our partners in a way that essentially teaches them how we would like to receive their gifts, then they're always going to feel lost. And I never knew this, I didn't know it was a thing. I didn't know that I could do it.

Speaker 0:

This is masculine leadership, using masculine social dynamics, which can help you to become really magnetic in relationships so that you can repair that bond with your partner. Right, how amazing would that be? Right, and that's what we want to do. So just by understanding that, wow, how many areas have gone wrong because that we saw our mums belittle our dads, right, it kills the magnetism. Number three our dad was most likely energetically absent, so he was either physically absent, but even if he was still there, he sort of felt like he wasn't there anyway, right, which makes us go seek out our own masculinity, and some can be in good areas and some can be in bad areas like drugs, alcohol, partying, bikey gangs, selling drugs, doing shady shit and business, whatever it is. But we could also seek it out in football clubs, sporting societies, bodybuilding, and sometimes it's bad stuff like tv, video games, podcasts, audiobooks, books in general. Anywhere we can seek some sort of masculinity is attaching ourselves to it, which is unhealthy, instead of cultivating it within ourselves, right so, which can lead to us feeling lost and purposeless, always searching for masculinity. No matter how much success we get, no matter how shredded we get, or no matter how many girls we end up fucking, it never feels like it's enough. Just won't feel like it's enough because our masculinity inside ourselves, we're still still like little boys and we feel insecure. So the only way through it is through these six steps, and I can't wait for you guys to understand these right. This is the power right, the six steps here.

Speaker 0:

Number one is read masculinity books. So here are some good ones. The most obvious and cliche one is Way of the Superior man. If you have not read this, this is completely essential to read. It's a must. The second one is what my Father Didn't Know and what my Mother Didn't Tell Me by John Gray. That book is so essential for relationships. And then the next one is Boy Crisis, also by Warren Farrell and John Gray. Understanding this as a man, I remember giving it to a friend and he read it. He's like dude, I'm 10 minutes in and I'm crying and this guy's like six foot five and he's jacked as hell. He's like this is just like hitting my soul. The next one is Jack Donovan, the Way of Men. This is essential for understanding how men work in tribes and then Hard Times Create Strong Men. By Stephan Arneo. This is understanding how his dad was in a very similar position. And then he talks about sex, money and other different areas, masculinity and how they all combine as one, which is completely essential.

Speaker 0:

Number two join men's groups. So there's a men's group that is everywhere called the Mankind Project, robert Glover, who's the author of no More Mr Nice Guy, also an essential read. He has a group called the Integrated man, or you can join my community, set the Standard Movement, which you can message me on Instagram, or set the standard page on Instagram if you want to join us. Except we're more in around using masculinity to magnetize in business and dating, especially in business in regards to using personal brand and getting out of your own way so that you can absolutely crush.

Speaker 0:

Number three is go to men's retreat. So the Mankind Project, the gathering of men in Gold Coast, which is absolutely huge, run by the Embodied man Institute. You can find them there or you can come to my retreat, which is the next level retreat, run them in gold coast and by and byron bay. And then what I've also heard really good things about haven't gone yet but I'd love to is the sacred sons right, those, those kind of like a men's community as well. And if you've never experienced this and you're someone who more leans on psychology or going to therapists, I highly recommend going to this. There is something getting around just men in general which have this as initiation right, which usually we go through from boy to men at different ages. There's like initiation, like becoming a man, and even if you're a business owner, getting thrown into business dealing with tax, debt, customers, employees, you know management, leadership techniques and skills and just the capacity to manage everything is a way of throwing yourself in there. However, the intelligence and the support and the emotional bandwidth that you gain from being with groups of men is completely essential.

Speaker 0:

Number four get to the gym. Build a strong physique, right? If you haven't got a strong physique, testosterone decreases, right? The dedication to health, eating organic and building a strong body that people look at you and go whoa, that demands respect. Like, look at that guy. So when you walk into strong body, that people look at you and go whoa, that demands respect. Like, look at that guy. So when you walk into any room, people just look at you and just think like that guy's a G, right? That is all stuff that increases your testosterone. And when you're stressed and when you don't have your masculinity and your relationship is, you know, over you and you're too stressed out in business, your testosterone decreases. And we want to lift that up because that is where your masculine drive comes from. So you can go get your testosterone tested and if it's anything you know for low, it's like you need some damn work, man.

Speaker 0:

So number five is read books on finance and money. So your career, especially when it's aligned with your purpose and how you make money, is the most important and essential thing ever. One for increasing your, your testosterone, but two for feeling like a provider and a protector and a leader. Now, if you're in a nine-to-five, go study, investing. Go to seminars, read books on any sort of investing, long-term investing, 15 years plus. Go make your millions that way. If you're someone who is into business, go to empire mastery events, go and understand business networking events, anything that's going to help you build business management and leadership. If you're someone who is new school and you like to use social media, go to personal branding events, influencer events, all of those to network and just understand what is new and upcoming so that you're ahead of the ballgame, because that feels so good. And when you're around people and you're ahead of the curve, that's when your ideas are more innovative, you're more likely to find fulfillment and you just become more powerful and knowledgeable in your area.

Speaker 0:

Number six, and this is the most important, is to search for purpose. David Deiter talks about this in the Way of the Superior man. He's like if you don't have your purpose, disregard your business, disregard relationships, everything else in your life besides your health and fitness, and spend all of your time searching for your purpose. He's like quit your business, go part-time, go out and study in the trees, go do as many things as you can to find your purpose. And it is done through this Journaling, stillness and retreats and coaching. That's how you find your purpose. So journaling is writing down and questioning and it might take you years. David Dieter says it might take someone years to do it, months and years of sitting in silence and understanding. But once you do find your purpose Joseph Campbell talks about this. He's the author of the Hero with a Thousand Faces. He created the Hero's Journey, which is what Star Wars is based off of.

Speaker 0:

Right Crazy and all the important, even Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings Crazy. He says that you do understand your bliss and you find your purpose is your health, your sleep schedule, your relationships. You will burn every your habits. You'll burn it to the ground to just be awake for that little bit longer so that you can live your purpose. You will sacrifice everything and everyone to chase it, because it is what you love to do and you need less sleep. You need less sleep. You need less recovery. Your body is just filled with this revitalized energy where you're like let's just go now.

Speaker 0:

My argument is you combine that with good habits and routines and strong willpower so that you actually do get to sleep, even though you may need a little bit less, so that you can keep it for a long period of time, because if you do end up burning out sort of like that limitless with the limitless pill, with a guy forgetting to take, you know like properly, it's like eventually, we don't want you to do that, right, we want you to be going long and strong and gotta get a friction on.

Speaker 0:

So, ladies, anyway, um, yeah, that's what you want to do. So if this sounds like you and you got some benefit out of this, this is the blueprint. So if your mom belittled your dad when you were a child and you've become a people pleaser, a nice guy or a yes man, you follow this. You will completely break it. And if you like this video, please like, share, and if you'd like some further support, you can message me at set the standard. Or if you want to jump on our seven day challenge, please message me on Instagram at the set this movement or Corey Batwell, and we'll sign you up. Big love, guys.