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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
FIXED My Marriage and Built a $12M Empire FROM SCRATCH!
What happens when your business is thriving… but your marriage is falling apart?
In this episode, Tony shares how he went from drinking daily and nearly losing his family — to building a $12M empire, fixing his marriage, and becoming the man his wife and kids needed.
We break down the exact mindset shifts, communication frameworks, and self-leadership practices that helped him turn his life around. If you’re a high-performing man secretly struggling in your relationship, this episode is for you.
Perfect for men who want more success without sacrificing their family, energy, or peace of mind.
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Today's guest built over a $12 million empire in property and online business and by helping hard-working men fix their marriage and reconnect with their children to find work-life balance. Modern relationships are struggling more than ever with all the pressures of business, and Tony has figured out the tools to fix his own marriage and thousands of other men. So get ready for a bunch of tools you can use in this podcast episode today. All right, tony, my business is absolutely crushing it, but my relationship is turning to shit.
Speaker 2:Yeah, why? Because you're sacrificing everything in the pursuit of success. This is the common mistake every single man makes. It's the mistake I made and I was sedating myself every single day to deal with that mistake. We have these four core areas. We have our body, our mind, our balance AKA our relationships and then our wealth, and we put all of our time and energy into wealth, so the balance starts to disappear and true balance doesn't exist. Balance is simply directed focused energy into a direction, so we put all that focus and energy into the business and everything else starts to fall apart. We stop working out, we stop eating well, we stop communicating with our partner and then, once we're doing that, we feel this guilt and the shame, knowing that we're stuck in this prison that was supposed to be created for fucking freedom. But everything else is falling apart and this is why so many men kill themselves, get stuck in depression, anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and it's destroying society. But the reality is you can have the wealth while having everything else. Most people don't know how.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's crazy. My friend, Jacob O'Neill, said to me on the phone two days ago and it just blew my brain. I was speaking to him on the phone and he was like your relationship is just a symptom of all your mother wounds, like whatever's going on there, and your business is just like a relationship to all of your father wounds. And I was like, oh my God. And then I was thinking about that and I'm like, okay, so 90% of businesses fail and it's like you know, within like five years, whatever the statistic is. And then when you get to 10 years, it's like even more fail, right, In regards to you know, within like five years, whatever the statistic is. And then, when you get to 10 years, it's like even more fail, right In regards to, you know, becoming successful, having the business, blah, blah, blah. Like what do you think the impact of relationships? You know, like personal, interpersonal relationships with women or marriages, like what is it about them specifically that impact businesses that business owners also don't think about when they're getting into business?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So there's multiple ways to answer that question. Your relationship is one of the biggest determinants of success in your business, because you're either going to have a cheerleader who's going go, go, go, or you're going to have someone dragging you down like an anchor, and somebody that you're dating or married to can start off as the cheerleader who's supporting you and what you're creating. You're doing this for the family, you're doing this for us, but over time that cheerleader becomes the anchor, because she or your partner doesn't understand what you're going through. So let's say, every single day you're dealing with pressure and stress in the business putting out fires, going to war, hunting, killing, making money, right, this is the game. And then you come home after a long day and your wife or partner says how was your day, honey? And you go it was fine, it was all good. Are you sure? Is everything okay? You seem stressed, I'm fine.
Speaker 2:And then what ends up happening is we don't feel safe to share it with our partner, right, and there's a few different stages business owners go through that destroy their relationships. You have suppression. So every single day is full of pressure, stress, fear, uncertainty, doubt. So what does like suppression look?
Speaker 2:like well suppression is is you feel these things but you don't feel safe to share them with the people you care about. So every single man can relate to this. You suppress your anger, your fear, your doubt. Somebody who knows you knows something's wrong. So they ask you how you're feeling. I'm fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you don't want to put it onto them.
Speaker 2:Well, you don't want to put onto them because you don't want to be weak, because you're a fucking man, right? And then what happens is that suppression turns into sedation, so sedation is scrolling on your phone. At the end of the day, drugs, alcohol, even work itself, and that suppression and sedation that we don't know how to resolve turns into explosion, and that's when we hurt the people we love. So the relationship one is finding the wrong person to be with, who doesn't support you, or two finding the right person but not knowing how to show them and help them understand what you're going through. I'll give you an example.
Speaker 2:My wife didn't respect me or appreciate all the hard work I did for years, and I would blame her for that. Babe, the house is a mess. This, this is the sink. I've been working all day. Can you at least just do your job? Blame, blame, blame. I expected her to understand what I was going through every single day in the business, but guess what I didn't do? I never told her what I was going through in the business. So I expected her to read my fucking mind, and then I'd wonder why she didn't appreciate me.
Speaker 1:She had no idea what was going on. Does that make sense? Oh crazy, yeah, it makes so much sense. I also want to talk about the guys, because you probably work with so many dudes who were in the position that they've chosen the wrong woman and they haven't realized it. But now they're in love right, they're in love. They've chosen the wrong woman who can't support, because I've got some feedback from this like sexual woman's embodiment coach, and she was like well, for your next relationship, I'd make sure that you'd be choosing women who are specifically like this, and I was like that makes a lot of sense. So when guys are, you know, let's say, the business is doing, you know, okay, like okay-ish, it could be doing better, but the relationship is stressful, but it is because that they've chosen the wrong woman. What do they do in that situation?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. So it's defining the wrong woman, right. I don't think you find the one. So you can find somebody who might not be a hundred percent compatible with you and then become the one together. As an example, my wife and I are very different. I'm the go-getter, hustle business owner, crush it guy, build a $12 million empire property portfolio. I handle all of that and I want her to handle it. My wife is not an action taker. She procrastinates, she puts things off and she's grown in that realm. But I could have easily gone. This is the wrong woman for me. Instead, what I decided to do was go on the journey with her, because she had certain traits that I would say I want and need in a woman Great nurturer, great mother, great carer.
Speaker 2:So if you are in that relationship where you feel like you're in love with someone but it's the wrong person, well, define what does wrong mean and what does right mean, and what are the qualities that they do have that you can work with and mold. And are the wrong qualities that you don't like or love. Are they malleable, are they shiftable, right? It's funny because we don't do this in our personal relationships, but we do it in business. In business you research the business partner, you think about the deal.
Speaker 2:You ask questions In relationships. If it has tits and if it can move, most men will just go for it right. And when you have children and when you build a life together and realize you're not compatible, that's a massive fucking problem. But it's also a problem we sweep under the rug problem. But it's also a problem we sweep under the rug. So to that person going through that, address that head on and not from the frame of attack like you're wrong, you're wrong for me. What do you love about them? What do you want to change? And have a clearing conversation about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I agree, so much I had, as you were saying. That was really fascinating because I was like man. So with my relationship, with my as a kid, I didn't get the perceived nurturing and care that I wanted, like she definitely did, but there's areas where, like, I didn't perceive that she would. So, when it come to relationships, I didn't think that I ever needed nurturing and care, like I would always kind of put it off, I couldn't receive it. I was like yuck, like nurturing care, all that like yummy goodness that like a woman can provide you like, and I did not like notice until I was this year's old, like 32, that I was like oh no, I actually need that because that is going to help me be a better business owner, like that's a return on investment in me, in my energy and what I can do and what I can achieve. So how can I like like let that in? So guys who are in that position and may not have like had that realization like, do you have any frameworks or anything? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And that's very common, right? Because as men, we often think we know what we want, but we actually don't. And we say we want to be successful. Right, I want to make money, I want to provide, I want financial freedom. That's our definition of success. But real success is being able to take that financial freedom and apply that freedom to your body, your mind, your balance, your relationships. So for a man who doesn't know what he wants from a woman, or is not getting what he wants from a woman, we must first define what does it mean to receive from a woman? Right? Oh, I like that.
Speaker 2:So, we have this framework at Empowered man called laser focus L-A-S-U-R. As a man, you crave love, appreciation, support, understanding and respect. Every man wants that. You want to be loved, whether that means a blow job, touching the hand, whatever it means to you. You want to be appreciated for all the hard work you do. No man alive can say they don't want that, right. You want to be supported While you're at work and while you're building the business. You want somebody there to carry the load of everything else. You want your partner to understand you, what you're going through each day, what you're feeling and also what most men don't realize they are losing and missing is respect. So with Rosie, I didn't realize I was lacking respect for so long because I never had to receive that from my mother. I didn't get that from my father. All I got it from was my business and my team and my work. Right.
Speaker 1:The respect from them.
Speaker 2:The respect from them. That was easy. So I, like you, I had some wounds I wasn't aware of and I realized after conversating with my wife. She gave me love, she appreciated me, she supported me, she understood me, but she didn't respect me, and the reason she didn't respect me was because I didn't respect myself, right. So anyone listening right now who has these wounds and you're not getting what you want from your partner, just get a pen and paper out and write down where am I lacking love, appreciation, support, understanding, respect? And then ask yourself where am I not giving that? Because your relationships are a mirror and often the things you're missing from your partner are the things you're not giving to your partner, ironically enough.
Speaker 1:Does that answer the question that makes so much sense and like leading with it too, like it makes so much sense. I've been playing with this theory and I want to know your thoughts on it. I've just been thinking about this because I haven't got any proof that it's right or anything, but I've just like this is kind of like a hunch. I'm like I don't feel at the moment this is the thought process is that women don't actually like, need, like quote unquote love from you. As a man, I don't think that's what they're a hundred percent after.
Speaker 1:I've talked to some women around this because they're always in love, they're always operating from love, everything is always love. So I don't think it's like the love thing which is what they're after. And I find I found this, I found I don't know if you found this I want to see on opinion on it is a lot of men think, oh, if I give my partner love, if I just give her some love, then I'm going to get it back right. But I'm like, well, if women are always love and they're always going to be in love with whatever it is in the world, they don't like need it right. So I'm like what they actually need is just to feel safe, respected, supported, as well as what you were saying, and I was like, oh my God, that makes so much sense, because a lot of guys that, like I, coach and talk to, are always trying to give love and it's like it doesn't work.
Speaker 2:Exactly. It doesn't work. And it also doesn't work because the word is different to everyone. So when your partner says she wants love, it doesn't mean she wants what you think love is. Okay. There are different forms of love. For you, love might be holding my hand. For her, it might be supporting her with the children. Everyone has a different definition.
Speaker 2:So if you think about your relationship like a bank, okay, if you go to the bank and try to withdraw $10,000, but there's no money in the account, what happens? You're an overdraft, or you get told there's no money here. What most men do is they try to put stuff into the bank and it's not getting received, and then they try to withdraw. I'm making money and providing. Therefore we should be having sex. I'm doing this, therefore you should be giving me this, but your partner doesn't feel emotional safety. She doesn't feel security. She doesn't feel like you understand her. So how the fuck is she going to give you love? And one of the hardest things for a man to do I struggle with this is understanding that the best way to get from your partner is to give with the expectation of nothing in return. That is so hard to understand. It's like I'm going to fill her love bank until it's overflowing. And when you're trying to get from her, you often like repel it. When you stop trying to get from her and just give unconditionally, magic begins to happen.
Speaker 2:Like my wife started giving me way more of what I wanted when. I stopped wanting it and just giving. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Oh, that makes so much sense. And in regards to like masking leadership as well, like on what you said, I just like had a thought of when it comes to giving as well, if you don't lead your woman for the bank thing, if you don't lead her in regards to how you like to receive and how she can give to you, then, because she's loved, she's always going to be giving to you, right, yes, but from her perception. So she's gonna be like I've given to you all of these different ways and Her perception, so she's gonna be like I've given to you all of these different ways, and then you might not actually be able to receive it because you haven't like led her in regards to. You know, these are the things that I like. This pleases me, this is what makes me happy. You know this. This, this means a lot to me. Like thank you for doing this. This is what I like. Thank you for doing it, Because obviously, shouldn't the giver give thanks to the receiver for receiving? Then she can actually receive as well.
Speaker 2:I've got a great point on that right and that's so powerful, that's mind-blowing what you just shared. If you're listening to this right now, rewind that part back. All misery comes from unmet expectations. So if we want something from our partner and we're not getting it, you can be damn sure we're not communicating it well, and you can say it doesn't affect you. But when you and your partner are arguing or you haven't had sex in four weeks which to me is wild if you're in a relationship you take that into your business. You take it into your business.
Speaker 2:So one of the hardest things for a man to do is to communicate with his partner that his needs aren't being met because when we communicate it we're assholes. We're like needs aren't being met because when we communicate it we're assholes. Well, you should be doing this and you're wrong for doing this. And we judge, judge, judge our partner. Now it doesn't matter if you're a hundred percent right. When you judge your partner, you are attacking them. And even if you're right, when someone feels attacked, they defend. Now, a lot of men are going to listen to this and go. This is unfair. So you're saying I have to give, give, give. You're saying I have to calmly communicate when my needs aren't met, not tell her directly, not be an asshole. It is unfair, life's fucking unfair. But if you do this well, you start to create a relationship where you're like train tracks that are aligned. Because if you think about a relationship, you start the relationship. You're super aligned, you want to get to know each other, understand each other. It's fun and exciting. And then business grows, children come along, those train tracks diverge and if they diverge too much, the train derails. So, as a man, communicating your needs and desires very important, but I personally believe the first step is meeting her needs and desires.
Speaker 2:Let me give you an example. Yesterday my wife said something that sort of triggered me. We're at the dinner table, I farted All right, I farted and I'm a joker, I'm a prankster, and she said this in jest, but I really heard her. She said I wish you were just a gentleman Sometimes that would be so hot and I got triggered because I'm like you're attacking me. This is my identity.
Speaker 2:But I went to bed that night and I thought about it and I'm like she's giving me feedback that she wants me to be more masculine, less playful. So I either get to listen to that feedback or be a victim to it. So guess what I'm going to do on the weekend I'm going to dress up in a suit, I'm going to take her to date night and I'm going to ravage her and she's going to love it. But she gave me that feedback and she's constantly telling me what she wants, but she's doing it in a way of oh, I wish you had that. How often does your partner say things like that? You think it's nagging, you think it's annoying, where she's actually giving you feedback.
Speaker 1:I feel like, um, like in my mind, to make sense of that. It's like she's giving you an opportunity to put you back into a frame of leading. Exactly. It's like here's the frame you can actually lead if you take from this. However, like I've been thinking about this a lot recently too, I'm like a lot of triggers come from, like just responsibility and the fear of change Anything I have to do with something that's a little bit different. Oh, there's more responsibility on my plate, and as a business owner, your responsibility is always chockers, so just that little bit more can just be like I'm off the edge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it adds more weight to the bar. Because, as a business owner, you have so much weight on the bar and you come home after a long day and you hear a comment like that, or your partner quote unquote nagging you and in your mind the default story which happens without thinking is for fuck's sake, seriously, instead of going OK, I've got to put some more weight on the bar, I've got to get stronger. And triggers are funny, right, because you can't get triggered about something that's not true. For example, let's say I say Corey, cory, mate, I'm sorry, but you're a transvestite. How do you feel? Do you feel triggered? It's funny. It's funny because you know it's not true. Yeah, but when you hear you're a shit dad, or all you do is work, or you're always on your phone, no, no yeah, you get triggered because you feel attacked, so you instantly default, defend.
Speaker 2:And I get it because you're like woman, can't you see everything I'm doing? Yeah, but if you can just take a step back and this requires deep work, coaching, understanding yourself and go, this is annoying. This is triggering. Why am I allowing myself to get triggered Because she's right, instead of making her wrong? How can I make her right? How can I take ownership, more responsibility, so that I can step up?
Speaker 1:take ownership, more responsibility, so that I can step up. It's crazy, man. What do you think in regards to these is? I looked at stats of like divorce rates and some of this was quite shocking. I went through like all the statistics and just went nuts. What was more shocking to me than divorce rates of getting up to like 60% or something? It's like 60% now of all marriages fail. The ratio increase of people not getting married. Yeah, people are just like, as the young generations and stuff are coming in, it's just people just deciding not to get married, so the divorce rates are increasing and the decision to actually get married is decreasing.
Speaker 1:Then I was watching some Jordan Peterson and he was like the thing that stimulates economies, that makes economies the best, is marriages. There's way more income. That makes economies the best is marriages. There's way more income and the common statistic of people when they have a divorce, both parties lose 75% of wealth on average. So divorces cost a lot, huge amount. And I saw my parents go through it and I was just like whoa, like watching it, like why do you think that is, you know, 2025.
Speaker 2:There's so many reasons for this right. Marriage is a commitment. It is a commitment and men have been conditioned to be less committed to everything we commit to the business and we're not committed to our body and our health. We're not committed to our personal development. Most men have to wait till rock bottom before they change so by saying I'm committed to you. Commitment is the elimination of alternatives. So I found this woman. I want to be with her, but there's a lot of attractive women on Instagram. But if I marry you, it means I'm tied to you for the rest of my life and we've almost demonized that right.
Speaker 2:I truly believe the happiest men and women are in a nuclear family, like my wife and I, together for eight years, married for five of those eight, four were torture, four were fucking hell. But we've grown together Instead of growing apart. We've committed to each other, which means I won't fuck that other woman, I won't look in that other direction, and we've built a family of two children and a property empire. But it required a deep level of commitment and it's not just commitment to marry that person. It's commitment to get through 250 arguments and grow through them and learn about how you both operate. It's commitment to understand each other's traumas and past experiences that are going to really affect your relationship. It's commitment to understand you're going to disagree on things. True love and marriage is fucking hard work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what moment do you think really sharpened the ax for you in?
Speaker 2:your marriage. There are many, so I'll give you two examples. I don't want to sit here and say everything's amazing in my life, even though right now it's the best it's ever been. So before I answer the question, I want to show you what's possible Today. Rosie and I have been together for eight years. We are intimate and have sex multiple times a week. We communicate effectively, haven't argued in over a year. We resolve issues as soon as they come up. We agree on parenting. She supports me deeply in my business. Without her I would not have the wealth and business I have Now.
Speaker 2:Four years ago, radically different, I was drinking every single day, suppressing my fear, my anger, my triggers and sedating myself to deal with the stress. Most men have been there. Instead of communicating with my wife, I would blame her for not supporting me and I would drink every single day. One day we're having an argument about something stupid it's always something stupid and instead of dealing with the argument, I go you know what, I've had enough and I throw my whiskey at the wall, run to the balcony in Bondi and I jump off the balcony Now, it was only two stories and because I was so limp from the whiskey dick I didn't injure anything and I remember the next day looking at my wife and she had two looks in her eyes.
Speaker 2:It was like two humans inside of her. There was the look of love, like I love this guy, and there was the look of pity and disgust. And any man who's ever yelled at his wife, yelled at his kids gone on a bender, fucked something up, knows that look. It's that look of like who the fuck is this guy?
Speaker 1:How'd you feel in that moment?
Speaker 2:I felt like a guilty, ashamed child.
Speaker 1:Ooh the child hit me. I was going to go goosebumps.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I felt like the little boy that was getting yelled at by his father. But it was different this time because I'd chosen this love, whereas with my father it was given, and in that moment I made a decision. It was that split moment of I'm going to change this. And I haven't been drunk in the last four years. I've had alcohol. I'm drunk. The second time was six months into having our first daughter.
Speaker 2:Like most men, I was chasing success and I thought I had it all. I had my daughter, I had my wife, I had four properties, I had a business pumping out millions a year. So I'd made it. And because I'd made it, I stopped setting goals. I lost my purpose and direction. A lot of successful men go through this. It's called the purpose gap. And six months into the purpose gap I'd let my health go, I'd let my mindset go, I was constantly negative and I fell into this place of depression. And the depression got so bad that I was sitting in my room thinking maybe I shouldn't be here, Maybe, even though I'm successful, maybe life isn't worth living. So then again, shame guilt, because I've got a fucking six-month-old daughter right now. So I go to the doctor, I get some antidepressants. He just gives them to me. I take one. It was fun I could go deep in that story. We won't touch the medical system.
Speaker 1:I was like hey, I'm feeling bad, take this, here. You go here, take this.
Speaker 2:So, dude, I take this pill and I cannot keep my eyes open at midday and the next day I go to the bathroom, I throw them in the bin. I'm like you know what? Fuck this. My daughter, my wife, my business, my team deserve the best version of myself, and the reason I share those two stories is they're two very quick examples of rock bottom. For me and, I think, for any man listening to this, any business owner, husband, father, provider. You don't have to wait until rock bottom. You just have to do an audit of your life. What's your marriage and relationship look like right now? What does your business look like? What does your body look like? What does your mind look like? If it's not where you want it to be? If you don't change it now, it will get worse. So look in the mirror and go. You know what, for the sake of the people I love, I'm gonna fucking level up, level up here. That's what it took for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how did you like, from that moment, what was like one of the realizations like in your head for when you were like, okay, like how did those moments actually like sharpen your sword so in terms of being like, oh, you know, like I'm good to go now, like what was it about them that made you go?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the first step to change is the decision.
Speaker 1:So the first step for me, was the decision and that's a commitment. So you had two moments in that when you were just like yeah, and there are multiple moments right.
Speaker 2:This is. This can be a moment where it's raining outside and you said you were going to go for a run or workout and you sleep in. That is a lack of commitment. So you can say you're going to change. As a man, you can look at what's not working and not change. Or you can change. Now, when you say you're going to change and you don't follow through on that commitment, you can lie to everyone else, you can't lie to yourself. That voice inside of you goes I knew you wouldn't fucking do it. I knew you were going to work late, right? So step one sharpening the ax was a commitment. You cannot change without a commitment.
Speaker 2:Step two, once you've made the commitment, is clarity. So I had to look at myself and ask myself what's not working, Not just in my business. What's not working in my body, physically. What's not working in my mind mentally? What am I focusing on? What's not working in my balance and relationships? I did an audit. So commitment I need to change. Clarity, what's not working? Second piece of clarity what does my dream life look like? Like where do I want to be? What do I want my day-to-day look like in each of these areas? The third step once I had commitment and clarity was actually taking back control, and that's what you do, right? So what you think, what you feel, what you do, is all that's within your control as a man. You can't control your children, you can't control your wife. You can't control your wife. You can't control your marketplace. You can only control yourself, right? I wish you could. So how do you take control? Getting in a phenomenal routine, making your body weaponized and full of energy, so you wake up fucking feeling on fire.
Speaker 1:With a big rock hard dick, with a massive rock hard dick, as big or small as it is, at least it's fucking hard right.
Speaker 2:And we joke about this, but a lot of men, one, look down and can't see their dick anymore, or two, can't even get it hard or keep it hard, which is horrible.
Speaker 1:Or infertile. Infertile rates at the moment are crazy, horrible.
Speaker 2:Horrible and that knocks your confidence down. So how do you take control? You weaponize your body. You bulletproof your mind. Un-fuck with the bull up here. You upgrade your capacity to deal with stress. You become a better man in every single area. Now, again, this didn't happen overnight. For me, I'm not some fucking miracle. It required a deep commitment, constant clarity, constant control. Now, when you take control of your life as a man, you take back your power, and what that really means is you upgrade your capacity. Your capacity is your ability to handle whatever life throws at you. So imagine you've got a one liter jug. You turn it into a swimming pool. Way more capacity to handle what goes inside of it. When you're in control, you handle stress way better. You don't get triggered or react. You get to a point where you're able to communicate effectively. Now, this has taken me eight years to get here. We help some of our clients do it in 12 weeks, as do you, right? But once you have the right capacity, you're able to actually live a life where you are in connection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that, that, that whole living up above the neck feeling, where you're like above your neck and your shoulders are raised, just kind ofumps down and you're like, oh well, this is where the last.
Speaker 2:C's come in. It's like you have certainty and clarity. Yeah, so make. I made a commitment. It didn't happen overnight. I need to change, otherwise I'm going to die right then.
Speaker 1:I created clarity. What's not working? It's like you know you literally will. You will literally die you literally die.
Speaker 2:So, commitment, clarity, where am I, where do I want to go? Control, do the things each day to make my life better. It wasn't easy, right? I upgraded my capacity and it's only now, after coaching thousands of men I've had all the quote, unquote, success I've realized what true success is, and it's waking up 99% of the time with clarity and certainty, like peace, because how many business owners are lacking peace? Sure, you're successful, but can you genuinely sit down. And certainty like peace, because how many business owners are lacking peace? Sure, you're successful, but can you genuinely sit down and go? I want more, I'm going to have more, but I don't need more because I have everything I want. I am at peace, like to say that, as a man, I love myself, I love my life, I love my marriage, I love my business. I'm going to fucking have way more. I'm going to make millions more, but I don't need it. I'm detached. How many men can say that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, have you read the book gap in the game by Dan Sullivan? No, oh, this just explains that perfectly. Whereas, like, like, I just think this is so fascinating, I wanted to come in here and where you're not, so like, oh, I didn't hit revenue this month, oh, I owe this much to the tax, which is more than, like, last financial year, or whatever the hell's going on. You're consistently putting yourself in a gap, or, or I still haven't made like that amount of revenue yet, or I haven't hit this target, or I'm not a millionaire yet, or I haven't hit this thing yet, or I haven't bought this property yet. You've put yourself in a gap. When he says, if you compare yourself from where you are to where you've been, as, oh, like.
Speaker 1:I had a real good moment last week because I had a friend and he went over, he's refinancing my house and he owns a brokerage and he's like, dude, you've like generated over a million dollars online, and I was like, fuck yeah, I didn't even think about that. I was like, fuck yeah, like, that's amazing. So immediately, just from looking at that, I've put myself in a gap. So Dan says like, instead of comparing to yourself always from where you're not, compare yourself to like the, the gain that you have made in the growth that you've done, and use that as the motivation. And I'm like, as you were saying that, I'm like, oh, that motivation makes so much sense because that's like the part of waking up with clear and clarity. It's like, oh, I've made you know, I'm so grateful that I made a hundred K last month and I'm so excited to make 110 this month.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean Excited, and it's an achievement. First of all, well done, congratulations, not just on the million dollars but your framing of being able to sit and be proud of yourself for your achievements, because that is so difficult. I'm sure you've worked with hundreds of men who are quote unquote successful, and for them to just go you know what I'm proud of myself Unheard of. Second thing not wanting something is as good as having it. That's a novel Ravikant quote that I just heard last week, and it's so powerful.
Speaker 2:And the game of life for a man is expansion. We are literally designed to hunt, kill and to fuck, to spread our seed. Now to your point around commitment and marriage. We don't really do that that much anymore. We find the one person, hopefully. But if our ability to produce and expand is what we're here for, how do you, as a man, want more and desire more without needing it? And that's called detachment. And if you can literally sit in every day and go, I love my life and I want more, but I don't need it. You've won the game. Because this is the problem that most successful men go through. Most successful men struggle because they're constantly chasing more. It's this disease, it's a need for more. I need more. So I've made $12 million online. I've built an $8 million property portfolio. The day after I bought my Rolex watch the thing I thought I wanted I cried the whole fucking day because it didn't make me happy.
Speaker 1:It's like you cried because it didn't make you happy. It didn't make me happy.
Speaker 2:It was the target. The day after I got my Tesla, I'm sitting in the Tesla. I'm like I've got this thing. I was visualizing I'm successful. I'm crying in the Tesla. I tell my mate I'm crying. He says is it better to cry in a Tesla than a Toyota? I'm like, yeah, it is. It's actually quite nice.
Speaker 2:The reason I'm sharing these things with you is they're vanity metrics. What people don't see is the three years I sacrificed with my daughter to make that money. What they don't see is, of the $12 million, the $10 million in expenses. So it sounds cool, but I haven't made that much money. What they don't see is that we constantly move the goalposts and as a man, how often have you thought once I hit this target, I can switch off. Once I hit this target, I'll be happy. Once I hit this target, I'll have freedom and you either kill yourself to hit the target or you hit the target and then you just move the fucking goalposts and you're never happy, you never enjoy the journey of life and then you fucking die. I've been there, I get it. You've got to enjoy the journey of life and then you fucking die. I've been there, I get it. You've got to enjoy the journey and detach from the outcome.
Speaker 2:And one final piece on this. I know I'm ranting about it, but it's fucking important when you are attached to I need, I need, I need, you actually repel it. Okay, it's like the opposite of a magnet. You just push it away when you go. I don't need this. I magnet. You just push it away when you go. I don't need this. I'm gonna create it because I want to. You flip that magnet and you polarize it. You bring it towards you. You don't polarize it, you attract it towards you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I call that in some of the language that we use. I just call that positioning. So when you can position yourself correctly, it's like instead of repelling and pushing things away, it's like then you start to become magnetic and instead of forcing, it comes and like that just makes so much sense, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you feel it.
Speaker 1:You feel it, you actually feel it. One thing that I respect about you as well, that I think would really help with communication, is one it's like the confidence to storytell, right. So you've gained this ability to speak and storytell and be animated, and what I know a lot of men don't have is just that skill. And also knowing that it's a learned skill, right, it's like some people may have a little bit better like sort of born with it or whatever it is, but learning how to do that takes time.
Speaker 1:And I was like watching a lot of your content and I've seen all your ads and everything like that, and I was like, fuck man, tony is so good at like getting down stories and writing them in a way which is like really compelling. And I feel like if men had that skill in general, when it comes to influencing the team, when it comes to talking to their partners, when it comes to, um, you know, in business or marketing, whatever it is, because you can storytell and influence someone, because you can see the pain like, or be able to articulate the pain that's happening inside someone, I'm like that is genius. How do you do that? That's a great phenomenal question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a lot to unpack that. It's a great question. So, as a man, everything is a skillset Okay, and one of the most important skillsets you can learn is communication. Now, to understand how to communicate effectively, you get to first understand people. So when I'm having a conversation with you or when I'm talking to this audience listening right now, I'm constantly thinking about how can I understand what they're going through.
Speaker 2:So if I think about a business owner, how can I tell that person's story? So I sit with myself and go what is their story? You wake up before everyone else. You're exhausted, you smash back three coffees. I've had my third one. Wake up before everyone else. You're exhausted, you smash back three coffees. I've had my third one this morning before our podcast. You go to work constant fires, alarm bells, going off phone calls all day. You're carrying all the stress. You don't eat. You skip the gym. You come home. Your wife says why are you home late? Now, how many of your listeners right now can relate to that story? Now, the reason I can tell that story so well is because I've lived that story and I still sometimes live that story.
Speaker 2:So, as a man, look at your team and ask yourself what is their story and become addicted to understanding their story. In business, your team member doesn't perform properly, you go, you fucked up, You're wrong for this. Wait, wait, wait. Hey, mate, help me understand. We set this target together. Help me understand what's going on for you. Is everything okay at home? How are you feeling what's going on for you? And then say, awesome, Now that I understand what's going on for you, is it okay if I share with you what's going on for me? We set this target together. We haven't achieved it. How can we come together and achieve it together that everything I just shared is communication. But you get to seek to understand people before seeking to be understood. So become an elite communicator by one understanding people. Two, understanding yourself, and make it one of your targets to become a master of communication, Because all sales is communication, all marketing is communication, or marketing is communication, or retention, or retention, or product or delivery Everything is communication. So for me, the framework that I've practiced for communication is understanding people. Second is understand how powerful your words are right. So framing is everything.
Speaker 2:If I go home tonight and I say to my wife, babe, we need to talk, what do you think she starts thinking she's going to say what the fuck have I done wrong? Let me tell you this story. My wife was cheated on by by her ex and it's one of the biggest fears. We've gone to therapy for it. So I was vaping a few like about a year ago, and I felt really guilty because I'm the empowered man, I'm healthy. So we got to dinner and I smile at my wife and I go babe, I've got something to tell you. And all I wanted to tell her was that I was vaping. She breaks down in tears. I'm like I'm vaping. She's like is that it? I thought you cheated on me and she just she was distraught for like 10 minutes. She's like I don't give a fuck about the vaping. The point I'm trying to make is I can say we need to talk, or I can say hey, babe, this isn't going to be that big of a deal, but I've been doing something I shouldn't have been doing. It won't freak you out. The framing's different right.
Speaker 2:Practicing the way you communicate and conversate is such an important skill. And think about how many reps have you done of having a deep, clearing conversation with your partner? Zero. How many reps have you done of having a great conversation with your team about stepping up performance Zero. Most of those conversations are done with judgment, anger, frustration. So most men, when they're trying to become better communicators, they get upset at themselves for not being good at it. It's like a baby trying to walk once and it falls over. You're like you're a retard, roll around for the rest of your life. That's how men treat themselves. So there's a lot to unpack from that answer. I can keep going on, but communication is the most valuable skill for a man, for a better marriage, a better business, a better life. Make it your mission to master communication and the language you use.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I even remember being at uni and I had pretty much every single single lecturer that was in cause. I studied business was like, once you finished uni, go and get public speaking training and go and get more communication training. Like that is it. But I also know for a lot of business owners out there, when it comes to learning this, it's like training and go and get more communication training. Like that is it. But I also know for a lot of business owners out there, when it comes to learning this, it's like oh, this is another fucking thing that I have to do.
Speaker 1:You know, when they in that stressed out point, of course, but what I find really like powerful, like within this, it's just, it's just writing the shit down before you do it Right, like the problem is like can make out, oh, it's so big I Like. The problem is like can make out, oh, it's so big, I have to have this conversation with someone. But it's like no, it's not. When all you have to do is sit down, write out like a framework or something, fill it in a little bit and then go and have the conversation. Blah, blah, blah. When it comes to you, when you're either writing a script or framing a conversation, or whatever it is. Do you have any frameworks in regards to like writing things down?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We have scripts for all of our clients. I'd be happy to share some with you and the listeners. Everything gets to be scripted. You don't freestyle important stuff, right. You don't do things you're not good at. But this is what men do, is we react instead of respond, and we go from emotion and we want to fix shit fast. So we sedate and suppress, like we talked about, because our expectations aren't being met, our partner's not meeting our expectations, our team, our children. We don't say anything, we just grunt and then we suppress that emotion, that frustration, and then we explode and it never gets you the result. Best example you come home after a long day. There's dishes in the sink. What's the outcome that you want with those dishes?
Speaker 1:So the outcome that I want after I've just gone, what do you want to happen with those dishes?
Speaker 2:You want them to not be there, you want them to already just be gone Exactly, but the reaction is, for fuck's sake, babe, like I've been working all day. Why are there dishes in the sink Now? Does that get you closer or further away from the outcome?
Speaker 1:I get so much further away, guilty as charged, the outcome I get so much further away.
Speaker 2:So you know that that pisses you off. You sit down and you go cool, I'm going to write down a script to try and get the outcome not manipulate, but influence my wife. So the framework is simple Frame up the conversation. So I'd like to have a conversation with you about X, y, z and then ask yourself what's in it for me.
Speaker 1:That's really. That's really powerful. Actually, I think it's even, just, as you said, just real powerful. Notes Want to acknowledge that of just like framing the conversation before you're having a conversation, so that way there's permission to have the conversation. So you know what's that? It's going to be a conversation.
Speaker 2:Yes, and for anyone who doesn't understand framing, it's the, it's the understanding of the conversation. For example, the frame might be hey babe, do you mind if we have a chat about something that's been on my mind? I just want our relationship to be better and I feel like this will help. So when you're framing a conversation, ask what's in it. For me, w-i-i-f-m and the me is just them. So make it about how this conversation is designed to help or support them, not hey, babe, can we have a chat? You're a fucking bitch, right. Hey employee, can we have a chat? You're not doing a job properly. Hey, simon, employee, do you mind if we have a chat tomorrow? It's nothing serious, I just want to support you better as a leader. Make it about them, right.
Speaker 2:Second thing is ask them what's going on for them, okay? So before I share this like, are you okay? How are you feeling? How's everything going for you? I haven't checked in on you in so long. I know I'm your husband. I haven't asked you.
Speaker 2:So frame. This is why it's important for you. Second, how are you doing? Okay, cool, look, I know I normally don support you with that, but I also want to get to a point where I can work in the business and come home to a clean house. Right now it's not happening. How can I support? So see how you can support that conversation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, then share how you're feeling about it, share what's coming up for you and say this, say this exact words is my story, is this my story is I've been working all day. I come home exhausted, the house is a mess. My story is you don't care, you don't love me, you don't appreciate me. Now I know that story is not true, so I want to hear your perspective. What comes up for you and how do you feel about what I just shared? And she's either going to say you're an asshole or that story is not true, or I'm exhausted or I'm tired. And now you start to build understanding of each other's stories, because that's what communication is. It's this is my story, this is my story. They don't have to be true, they don't have to align. But can we come together and share our stories without emotional reaction?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Cause just the belief that's going on in each other's heads. And it makes so much sense because it's like the reason that the dishes haven't been done, quote, unquote. Whatever the trigger is, whatever need that is that needs to be met. It's just one of hers that hasn't been met in some other way. 100%. It's like oh, I want like a kiss in the morning, or I want to like message during the day, or like more dates, like every second weekend or something like that.
Speaker 2:And it's like, oh, if I can do that place would be clean. It's all uncommunicated, it's all, it's all unsaid expectations. So to tie this all together, we have this thing in relationships called social contracts, and social contracts are unwritten, unsaid rules of that relationship. And we all have them. We have social contracts with our wife, with our children, with our partner, with our team, and we never communicate them.
Speaker 2:So if there are things or needs not being met in your relationships, whether it's business or personal, you get to first identify what are the unwritten, unsaid rules. You get to be the leader in that. Then you get to have multiple clearing conversations, framed well and scripted, until you can rewrite those contracts. And, by the way, that's going to be painful, that's going to be difficult, that's going to be challenging, but on the other side of that challenge you become a better communicator, you have more connection, you have more respect. It is such a powerful tool I'd be happy to share it with the listeners. I've got a framework, a script I can give away For sure. Yeah, it just you get to develop that skill set of understanding.
Speaker 1:Well, what I find as well like in terms of human psychology is we always try to do the most efficient thing right, and when we're in go do it mode, fix it, problem solver mode, mr, fix it, let's go, go, go, go go we don't take the time to be present and actually think reading through a script is going to be the thing that's going to heal our relationship. But what I find is, if you can't take the time to sit in the car to listen, to read, to write something out before getting into your relationship, you're going to replay those patterns with her or someone else and you're most likely I've seen this crazy right. I've seen people will get with pretty much the exact same person. They just have a different name.
Speaker 2:Of course. Same qualities, same beliefs, same bullshit. Good example is you get with that partner who gets upset at you for looking at another woman over and over again the insecure woman. How often do men do that? Right? And if you can't fucking make the time to commit to having better relationships, then you have no right to complain about your relationships. Like brother, you're allowed to have shit relationships. If you want to get divorced, fuck up your children or date multiple women with the same problems, that's fine. I'm not going to judge you, that's your prerogative. But don't fucking complain about it, right, as a man, oh, I'm busy, I don't have the time for this. I'm running a business. You're right, you are busy. But how much smoother would your business run if you made the time to upgrade yourself, to upgrade your communication, to get better at communicating, and when you script a conversation, bring it to the fucking conversation, say I know this is going to be weird, I want to read this, so I don't fuck it up Like that's fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's that whole capacity thing that you were talking about, right. Like it's kind of like you know, if you have a pool full of water and your relationship like you know business and relationship the two most important things in your life, right, it's like you know, family and business, half the pool relationship, half the pool business but if you start making most of the pool like 75% of the pool is business, and you've got this little small amount of time for relationships, Like that amount of water is going to be like contaminated and gross and make the pool like it will contaminate the whole pool, Right, yeah, Well, think about this.
Speaker 2:Sorry to cut you off, but this is a really important point. I say to all the guys who come work with us how much time each week do you spend working on your business or in your business? Is it 40, 60, 80 hours a week Always 40 plus, awesome. How much time each week do you spend working on yourself On yourself? Zero, okay, cool. How much time do you spend working on your relationships? Zero.
Speaker 2:So do you think it's reasonable to expect to have a great relationship when 99% of your pool is business and it's polluting the other 1%? Of course not. So is it unfair or totally unreasonable to take one hour a week and put it into your marriage? To take two hours a week and go on a date night? But this is what we do as men. We instantly have a reason for why it won't work. I don't have enough time, I'm too busy, I don't have a babysitter. If you want to be a successful man not just in business get resourceful, and every time your brain, your language, your communication with yourself comes up with a reason or excuse, simply question it. I can't make that work. Well, how can I make it work? I don't have enough time? Well, how can I make the time. Oh, my relationship's not a priority right now. How can I reframe and ask better questions? Does that make sense? I?
Speaker 1:don't mean to cut you off, but I just really want to dive that point home. No, I love that. Yeah, you're only as successful in your business as you are for your own growth. Tell me about that.
Speaker 2:Okay, so there are three different parts of you as a human being. Okay, there are your skill sets. So what you do? So that's what you do. That's the things you do each day Marketing sales.
Speaker 1:And your ability to do them as well.
Speaker 2:Exactly so skill set is doing right. If I'm good at climbing, I'll climb. If I'm good at marketing, I'll market. The second element of being a man is your mindsets. Okay, this is what you think, which also dictates how you feel. So you can be an amazing marketer. But if your mindset is, I can't get out of bed, I'm not good at marketing, no one's going to watch my stuff, then that's going to prevent you from doing the thing. If you've got the skill set, you know you can communicate with your team calmly, but your mindset is they don't care. Those negative thoughts and the anger and emotions are going to cause you to fuck up.
Speaker 2:The skill set Make sense. The third is who you're being. It's your identity. We all have identities. So there's an identity of Tony that is the smoker. When I used to smoke, I would try to quit smoking, but I would never quit smoking because I was still in the identity of a smoker. So you need to make sure, as a man, that you are constantly auditing and upgrading your skill sets, what you're good at, your mindsets, what you think and feel, and your identity, who you're being man if you did that rating before, where you were like, how much time are you spending on your business per week?
Speaker 1:Like over 40. And then it's like on yourself zero, relationship, zero as well, even when I think people are doing some of the work. I think that's so important, just categorizing it into skills, mindset and identity, because it's like if you're also not working on one of those buckets specifically, then you can just be wasting time. Of course.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and this is where a lot of men their mindset think about that word is I don't have the time. Now. I understand that mindset, I get it. I get it Because, let's be honest here, if you're a business owner, with a family or with a partner, it's fucking hard. There is marketing, sales tax. It's very difficult, right? But I'll tell you right now there are 10,080 minutes in a week. So let's say you took 180 minutes a week, three hours a week, and put it into yourself, you still got 9,900 minutes. So there is plenty of time.
Speaker 2:Most men don't know how to prioritize it. I'll tell you this as well you can, as a man, make a shitload of money while also having a healthy body, while also having a bulletproof mind, while also having an amazing marriage or relationship. If you don't know how, it means you're lacking the skill sets or the mindsets or the identity. And what's really cool is when you do this, you put way more time into yourself, but you actually get way more done. We call it reverse engineered production. So at Empowered man, we try to help you achieve 12 months of growth in a quarter, and we do it time and time again. And the reason you do that is because you go from doing an hour or two hours or three hours of productive work to eight hours a day of productive work and you go from being busy to being productive. So, tying this all together to your question of success, the success in your business is limited by the growth you have within yourself.
Speaker 2:You are the number one determinant of success in your business. If you don't know how to make a million dollars an hour, you are the bottleneck. If you don't know how to run a business that you work 20 hours a weekend, you are the bottleneck. If your business is a prison that destroys your marriage, you are the bottleneck. And when you take ownership of that, you realize that you can fix all these issues. And if you don't know how, it just means you're lacking the plan, you're lacking the skill sets. You're lacking the mindsets. You're lacking the plan. You're lacking the skill sets. You're lacking the mindsets. You're lacking the identity.
Speaker 1:You can turn that around in eight to 12 weeks. Wow, yeah, dude. I just love also the passion from that as well. It's just like cause. You know it's true and you've seen it happen and you've done it yourself. I've been that guy.
Speaker 2:I've been the suicidal alcoholic drug addict and I've seen so many men who are like everything's fucked, I have no time, I'm constantly busy, my wife's about to leave, and then four weeks later, eight weeks later, in control of their thoughts, bulletproof, mentally on fire, physically full of energy, and it is palpable as a man. When you're like that, you're like that, you walk into a room. Everyone feels you.
Speaker 2:That's masculinity, and the magnetism that comes with that. It's insane. And people leave the room and go. I love being around that guy, but how many men listening right now feel like when people leave their presence they don't think that? They don't feel that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like if you're like, oh, if yeah, cause you've been in that, I've been in that position before too. When it's like you leave an interaction, you're like I just bring that person down, did I like make that energy like bad, just guilt, shame, and I like, and then that piles back onto your nervous system, oh yeah, like, oh god, not again, not again, which is crazy. Yeah, um, I also want to know. Man just has some thinking like for you, because I know like the mental stress that comes with like business in general can be like insane. But for you, in regards to like an online business, in regards to like a traditional, maybe like a brick and mortar business, yes, what have been like the stressful moments and the challenges for you, specifically in business around the online scene that has made you just been like there's so many.
Speaker 2:The first one was comparison. Yeah, you know, even and I'm not perfect even two years ago, I would sit there looking at my competitors, quote unquote, and I would feel so much fear and doubt am I good enough? Why would anyone listen to me? These guys are better than me. I can't compete, I can't keep up, and this mindset, this identity of the victim just destroyed me can you tell me more about this?
Speaker 1:because this is so real, with the like for myself and for people that I've coached has come up all the time, because you can see other people in the turn of terms of trying to switch it to celebration and the comparison or even you do celebrate someone and you'll still have that oh, but I'm not like good enough, oh, but I haven't done this yet and you put yourself into such a gap that I want to know like yeah, how you overcome that all of it.
Speaker 2:It didn't happen overnight. But the quote that always sticks with me is comparison is the thief of joy, and when you compare yourself to everyone else, you see quote, unquote crushing it. What you really get to remember is that it's all a facade. Every single successful person on the planet has gone through hell to get there their own personal hell. So when you're comparing yourself to their Instagram post or their reel or their bank balance, you're not seeing behind the scenes. You can see Empowered man does 460 grand of cash in a month. That's our best month ever. We made no money that month, right, I was on the brink of ending my life. I was drinking. You don't see that right. So what really helped me was turning the comparison into a target that I'm excited to aim for. I had a meeting with my main competitor's business partner about three years ago and he's a bit of a big dick guy like swings it around. You know we're the best, etc.
Speaker 2:Big big ego, huge ego love the guy one of my first mentors, yeah and he told me they were doing like 800 grand a month. I was doing 100 grand a month at the time, or 80 grand, and I left that meeting and I was like holy shit, that's possible and it's weird. I just decided, I decided, I committed I'm gonna hit that target. We never did, but I got excited about what was possible and I took myself out of scarcity I don't have enough to abundance. How can I create more?
Speaker 2:The second piece of this comparison game is realizing that you don't need to look at anyone else. You get to look within. And something I'm personally obsessed with right now it's taken a long while to get here is how can I just be better than I was yesterday Like who cares if he has a nice car or a nice house? That has nothing to do with me and if you can detach from what everyone else has or doesn't have and start to really build your game of life of how do I wake up with peace, with joy, with fulfillment, while also making shit loads of money again, you win that game.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I also feel like it's just a lack of clarity in what you actually want, yes, like you don't actually know what you want. So you see other people with this thing and think, oh, I want that, yeah. But I've been playing with this recently. I'm like, oh, you're not even jealous of the thing they have. No, you're jealous because they've wanted something and they've wanted it more than you've wanted something, yeah. And then they've got it, but you didn't even know Exactly.
Speaker 2:Or are your actions supportive of achieving that? Yeah, I want that. I should be where they are Really Like. How productive are you day to day? How committed are you? How focused are you? Or do you get distracted every day? Do you do what most men do and say I've got ADD right and biggest excuse ever, biggest excuse ever? So so I'm not saying those aren't good excuses, but yeah, you asked me a question, though that I think is really important and I don't want to segue too much.
Speaker 2:What have been the hardest points? Another hard point in online business for me is the constant need for more. So we grew from a team of three to a team of 30 over the course of two years. Well, I'd never hired, I'd never on board, I'd never done any of this stuff properly. I was just a marketer and a salesperson, built the sales team to four closers, four sitters, $460,000 a month, and what I wasn't aware of was the stress of spending $120,000 a month just on ads, spending $100,000 a month on payroll. That pressure you feel when your expenses skyrocket is infinite. When your Amex is going up by five to 10 K a day and you're like, if we don't make sales today, we're fucked. It's a horrible place to be and for me, the big challenge was what I want to do in business is I want to create an impact, I want to add value. This is what I love the most man talking to you, sharing with the audience, building the playbooks, building the courses.
Speaker 2:I became a salesperson not because I want to make money, because I had to keep surviving. And what happened in December 2024 was I turned my business off. I turned off the 100K a month in ads, I fired the sales team and I was terrified because I have two daughters to look after and a wife and eight mortgages. But I realized I'd been repeating a pattern the last four years of grow, grow, grow, make money, make money, make money. And I went. You know what? What do I actually want? I want time with my kids. I want to love what I do in business. I want to wake up each day and go. I can't wait to work and I haven't felt that in four fucking years.
Speaker 1:This man knows what he wants baby.
Speaker 2:But and I haven't felt that in four fucking years this man knows what he wants baby. But it took me four years of struggle to get there and I think the moral of the story there is, if you are currently grinding working too much, high expenses, low fulfillment it doesn't need to be that way and on the other side of your fear of making that change, you will look back and go. I wish I had done this sooner. So it always comes back to is there something that's currently not working? If there is, look it in the face and address it and make the decisions to do something different and it'll be terrifying.
Speaker 1:Do I love that. That's honestly so powerful. I just got the last question for you and it kind of seems like a simple question. I know it's really powerful. And this question is is for, I think, a lot of men in general, in general, who may or may not also have, like big egos, right, and it's just how how did you become? And like in the shortest time possible, because we're running out of time is like how do you become a good student?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I had a mentor. My first mentor was my ex's uncle and he would just sit outside smoking cigarettes and talking to me and this guy was quote unquote successful. He retired at 50. He had like 42 properties at that point. He was quite successful and something he said stuck with me so deeply and it's been a mantra that I've lived my life by and that was open your mind and observe everything.
Speaker 2:And I like to look at my entire life as a set of lessons and opportunities to grow so I can learn and grow from my three-year-old. I can learn and grow from you. I can learn and grow from a man who's a drug addict. Every time I go through pain or challenges or problems quote unquote problems I don't look at them as problems. I look at them as opportunities to learn and grow. I am never right or wrong. Everything I've shared today could be wrong. I'm open-minded to the fact. This is what I believe, but I'm also open-minded to other perspectives, and when you can look at the problems in your world, the problems in your marriage, the problems in your mind, as challenges that are designed specifically to help you learn and grow, you win.
Speaker 2:Now, how do you do that in a shorter space of time. Every single day, we teach our clients. What did I learn today? How can this lesson help me grow? And if you take every day, 365, as opportunities to learn? This is what I do with storytelling. I'm constantly learning. Through my stories, you win. So that would be my answer to that.
Speaker 1:Dude. Thank you so much, Tony. You're a world-class stud and thank you for setting the standard and inspiring the generation of men coming up in Australia and around the world. Thanks for coming on to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for having me, brother.