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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
Why High Achieving Men Fail In Relationships - Jordan Candlish
You can be crushing it in business… but if your relationship is draining your energy, it'll sabotage everything.
In this raw, honest chat with Jordan Candlish, we go deep on what most high-performing men miss regarding love, leadership, and longevity in relationships.
We unpack why your woman stops being attracted to you…
Why you lose presence, energy, and passion…
And how to stop your relationship from destroying your business.
We also dive into how nervous system regulation, self-worth, seasons, shadow work, and masculine leadership can help men create deep, magnetic love without losing their mission.
This one hit deep.
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#masculinity #menscoaching #relationshipsformen #coreyboutwell #jordancandlish
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🔥 Timestamps
00:00 Intro to Jordan Candlish
00:29 How relationships secretly ruin your business
01:14 How to tell if your relationship is draining you
03:22 The missing piece in most modern relationships
04:33 Why your woman feels more like a roommate
05:57 Jordan's personal story of almost losing his relationship
07:17 The 3-month wake-up call that changed everything
08:23 What happens when your woman starts having fun without you
09:43 How they reignited the attraction
11:00 The masculine move that saved their relationship
12:29 How to re-lead your partner after a breakdown
13:49 Why most men can't receive love
15:01 How emotional shutdown shows up in men
17:04 The danger of "always needing to lead"
18:44 Why receiving is the most underrated masculine skill
20:14 The mother wound and avoidant patterns
22:05 When "being nurtured" feels gross for men
24:15 The silent rage that kills your presence
26:03 Shadow integration = actual magnetism
27:44 Fear in business, relationships, and social media
30:18 The root of confidence and powerful content
33:22 Why your season and city matter
35:13 The hidden effects of social media on your nervous system
38:47 The rhythms men need to honour
41:12 How Jordan left corporate and found purpose
44:59 The #1 energy source behind your magnetic presence
49:14 Plants, seasons, and male personal growth
51:29 Upcoming retreats and environments that change you
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Jordan Canlish is a men's embodiments coach, content creator and a masculine leader, and has amassed over 500,000 followers online. He runs retreats all around the world and he's been nomadic all around the world After working in a corporate job, moving his way out and finding what is truly passionate to him and maintaining a healthy, high-quality relationship. Moving through all the struggles of business and relationships together, he helps high-performing men lead lives filled with love and integrity. So welcome to the show today, guys. Jordan Kenlish Nice brother, that was beautiful, sweet. So many high achievers, I've noticed, are just hustling in business, crushing it, you know, trying the best that they can, but then they get home and they just realize that they're either sabotaging their relationships or they don't understand that their relationship itself is putting a lot of stress and pressure on the business. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 2:Well, if your relationship is not working harmoniously and you're running a business, I'm sure we can all attest to how kind of hard it is to stay focused, productive, creative, because, especially for men, the relationship will suck so much energy out of you if it's not flowing, if you guys aren't in communion. How do we know? How do we?
Speaker 1:like tell that that's happening, because when I think about some relationships that I've had, I'm like I was in it, but I was so unaware that it was actually draining my energy.
Speaker 2:Well, that would be the point to start off with right, be more sensitive to where your body's at on a day-to-day basis. And that's why I always coach or suggest high-performing men have like rituals set up in their morning or in the middle of the day where you can drop in and just get out of your head and be like what's actually alive in me right now. What do I feel? Because so many of them are disconnected from that, because they're so committed to hitting the goal of being stimulated all the time. And I've put my hand off. I've been there many times and I'm actively trying to be better at just slowing down. Because when you do slow down, you often realize like, oh dude, I'm actually, I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm unhappy, I'm anxious, I'm overwhelmed. And then the relationship should be something that can support you in coming out of that, not exacerbating that, you know. So that would be the thing that I would really look at is you know, are you sensitive enough to actually know you know where your energy's at?
Speaker 1:Dude, it's crazy. Like I was actually looking at some stats. I was doing like some chat GPT and I was like looking at like oh, what's like the percentages of like businesses and stuff like the impact of relationships on business, and there was one stat that was like if people divorce, it's 75% of wealth together. Go right Together, you could go come divorce, it's 75% of wealth. And it's something along the lines of like it's like a 30% of 30 to 40% of business owners. Their personal lives impact their businesses drastically and they don't like put two and two together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, Because many of them haven't properly developed a healthy relationship with themselves. So if your relationship with yourself is dysfunctional and you're, you know again, your relationship with your own body is dysfunctional and you're not spending time listening, if you're not spending time nurturing and being gentle and actively cultivating that healthy feminine energy internally, then you're going to have an unhealthy relationship with the external feminine, be it the woman in your life or you know other things that are related to sensitivity and feeling. So that's where the mother wound comes in for a lot of guys. And then, obviously, we know a lot about the father wound for high-performing men, which often shows up as that lack of boundary setting around that work, always being driven to want to achieve something external, to prove unconsciously sometimes to prove that hey, look what I can do, Look how worthy I am of love. But until you get underneath all of that, then you're kind of just running on this like hamster wheel, looking for love in all the wrong places, you know.
Speaker 1:Man. What happens in regards to relationships when men are in this state and they don't sort of realize you know that it's happening and they see the impact on them, impacting their woman, and then cause I've been in the position beforehand where it's like blame or like taking it out on business, I want to work more. And then there's like the women always reflect, like what's going on for you internally, like what do you usually see is like the most common at the like at the moment well, if a woman's not emotionally supported like she can be financially supported, physically supported but the big one that most of these men miss is the emotional support.
Speaker 2:If a woman doesn't have that, then unconsciously or either consciously, she's not going to feel safe enough to fully open and flourish like a flower that just opens in the sunshine and it just provides all this radiant beauty in its environment. If a woman doesn't have that, then the man is like missing out subtly on what she can actually provide for him. Yeah, you know. And then all of a sudden there's just either the, the spark starts to fade, all of a sudden you feel like you're with a roommate rather than a passionate lover. So I feel that's a big indicator.
Speaker 2:Where is the passion in in your energetic exchange still there? Because that's usually the first thing that dwindles, sometimes the woman that loses it, sometimes the man that loses it. But that would be a great kind of mirror to to measure the health of the relationship. Are you still wanting to just fucking get after each other and make passionate love? Obviously not every day. Like you know, you're gonna have days where you're grinding or you're putting in extra work and that the energy is not going to be there, but a few times a week. A couple of times a week, or even in between moments, that spark should still be there.
Speaker 1:Interesting. Yeah. What like led you to learning this specifically, like in your relationship, like where was it when you were like shit, or moments for it when you were like shit or moments for you when you're like?
Speaker 2:you know, I gotta work on this and learn this otherwise, like, yeah, many moments, yeah, I just think it was a path that I was just I feel like whenever you become a coach or you're doing this kind of work, the path finds you and you just kind of realize oh, actually other people are struggling with this a lot. Um, maybe I should talk a bit more about it or share more about it, and for me it was mainly around covid. Time was when it was the worst, because we obviously weren't traveling and we're trying to really get our business going and I was just started on. I got really committed to social media, I think the moment you're on your phone a lot as a man, you know you're draining a lot of dopamine and energy and my partner was going to work at the time and she was coming home at the end of the day and I just had no emotional capacity for it, bro, I was neurologically wiped from just making content all day on.
Speaker 1:TikTok. What did that look like when you got home? I?
Speaker 2:was making like three days. Yeah well, I'm making like three to four videos a day for TikTok, right, and I'm going through the platforms just scrolling, like trying to get inspiration and learn from other people, which, hey, it helped my whole brand blow up at the end of the day. But my relationship was being impacted from that. So it was just she would come home and I just have any kind of life force left in me to want to engage or initiate.
Speaker 2:I became quite passive in the relationship and that was a huge red flag because now all of a sudden she's coming home, having to be in her masculine energy, she's planning all the dates we're not having sex as much, like similar to the point I just made and then all of a sudden you're just, you're kind of coexisting, and it was a bit of a red flag because I'm like man, we're not really having as much fun as we used to.
Speaker 2:You know, we're kind of losing that joy and that playfulness, and I could see she was losing some of that in the relationship too, and it was. There's many moments throughout that period where you go, fuck, I've got to be better here in this area. And then there was a moment a couple of years ago when actually last year, the start of last year, we had three months apart from each other. She was traveling and doing her thing and I was back home in Perth doing my thing, and often when you're on your own as a man, you get a lot of time to reflect and go like, hmm yeah, how can I be better in this domain? And I got all these insights, man, because she realized she was having so much fun without me and she was like Is?
Speaker 1:that hard as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude, so hard. I felt like a lot of shame because I was like I feel like I'm failing her as a partner, like she's realizing that she's not feeling that same joy and fun around me and she's having that with these other friends she's hanging out with. And it came back to a lot of these things that I was missing, these simple little things that I was kind of missing the mark on, uh, and it kind of re-inspired me to want to like be better in this area. And that's when I kind of shifted and realized that a lot of men are falling into this trap too. We, we miss it.
Speaker 2:We're just so gung-ho on our goals. We go oh, we've actually overlooked some of those. Like watering a plant. You know you forgot to water the plant of your relationship and all of a sudden the leaves start falling off and you're like fuck. And then, before you know it I was lucky I caught it before it was too late but a lot of men, the plant fully dies, the relationship fully dies, and when the woman closes her heart and the love's gone it's gone.
Speaker 1:Like relate to that too, especially when you I think a lot of men can relate to being in the position where you're trying to work and hustle as much as you can for her and for your family and for, like, the future and all the rest of it, so like your whole mind is just focused on that. We can get overwhelmed by the stress of and it's just pressure that we put on ourselves and sometimes we realize that we're doing work but we're just being busy like looking at shit.
Speaker 2:And then it isn't until our partners are doing shit, like having fun with other people and like you can see that, and then you're like, oh, she's not having fun with me, and then just like just sucking the life out of you, like, yes, I have to, I have to change yes, agreed, well said, but you need, we need those wake-up calls, as men, you know, and I needed to have that wake-up call in my relationship for it to go to this next level now, where you know we're more passionate, connected and, you know, having the most fun we've ever had, and even after being together for 10 years. So it keeps going to these new levels where I'm like, wow, we keep asking each other, wow, I can't believe we're still. We still love each other more than what we first met. We're still more attracted to each other. I didn't even know that was possible.
Speaker 1:How? How did you create more attraction?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just think through a lot of the breakdowns. You know the breakdowns then become the catalyst for the next breakthrough in the growth of the relationship. A lot of time apart and a healthy, tight space from each other has been really helpful. But the willingness to have really uncomfortable conversations that turn into okay, well, like, yeah, I want to be better for you. And both are a commitment to wanting to be better in the relationship, not leaving or exiting and going into childish patterns, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, 10 years in a relationship. I can imagine just one is like. The commitment level that you have as well is fantastic. But then some of those conversations be wild. Can you give us an example of one?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, back to the story of when she was in. This is last year. Early last year, she was in Lisbon. We had been apart for two and a half months and then I was going to Cape Town for a retreat like a line tracking retreat your retreat, no, it was one that I was attending and we had two and a half months from the person that you love, like you've been dating them for a long time. It's a long time. And you know, I was starting to realize, yeah, we're kind of going in different directions here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was one of those hard, you know moments where you look at the, the path that you're both on, and she's really happy, you didn't want to really leave lisbon. I had no inclination of wanting to live in lisbon at the time. And that was the, the hard conversation which is what are we going to do here, like, do you actually still want to make this work? And she was like I don't know, and that's really hard, man, because I was in Australia middle of winter it's pouring down with rain outside, she's in European summer, partying, going to these festivals, and I'm just at home, kind of going this could be it, like this really could be it so.
Speaker 2:And then that was the catalyst for a moment where I kind of went out of the passive mode to be where the passive mode for me was like, oh, whatever, she doesn't want to make this work, fine, don't care, you do your thing, I'll do my thing, kind of like shut down. Yeah, it was like all right, screw you. No-transcript. So you're coming to South Africa, I'm booking you a flight and we're going to have a quality, we're going to have some real fun time out there and we're going to, we're going to make this thing work. And, you know, fast forward two back into no, this is what's going to be different in our relationship. I'm not going to fall into these patterns again. And you know women want that, bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They want that. If you've still got an element of the liveness left in the relationship, they want you to show hey, I'm committed to being better for us, you know. So that was a big turning point last year.
Speaker 1:It was crazy, as you mentioned, that I remember this book that I read and I can't remember what book it was, but it was one of the masculine teachers and he was like most men. Think that you know, your relationship begins like getting the girl. It really the hardest part is always keeping the woman. You know what I mean. It's always keeping, like the amount of stuff you have to face of yourself because they're going to like, hold you to the highest standard to grow all the time is just always going to be there, and that just stories you're saying just reminds me of that.
Speaker 2:Oh, my good point gosh yeah, that's true because it, as each level goes in your own journey, there's going to be a new challenge that you have to confront in the relationship, like in business or like in your health. There's, there's always these, these challenges where you're faced into the darkness, you're thrown into the darkness and the relationships have these seasons and cycles, like everything else in our life, because we're going through those changes. So, knowing that you kind of have to have a bit of awareness around some of these blind spots that might come up to be like oh okay, I tend to fall into these patterns. So a lot of this is knowing yourself deeply, so that when you go into that downturn, you can catch it quicker or at least communicate better to your partner so they have some understanding of what you're going through and they can help you come out of it, or you can help them come out of it.
Speaker 1:It's so true and it's so much better than just pretending like it's not happening and not existing, because it's like real.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of men are just like, nah, that's not happening, as you were saying beforehand, shut it down, bottle it up Like that's what bottling it up is right, and you're like shutting it down like pretending it doesn't exist.
Speaker 1:But, dude, I am so intrigued as to what it was like for you personally when you started bringing fun back into the relationship and the difference between, okay, quality of life, hustling, wanting to provide, grow, live like a, you know, a lifestyle where you're like a completely nomad and just non-stop traveling as well, and then being like, okay, because I can understand the pressure as well, right, just in regards to traveling, to be financially saving, abundant, making sure this happens. You want to have this experience, go to this retreat, like there's just a lot of pressure, and then like, um, as well, with the amount of content that you put, put out like it's insane. And then all the clients that you've got to look after and support emotionally, mentally, you know, and show up for those whilst traveling. That is like committed to, because it's like let's learn the skill of that. But what was that like? From going from shut down to then like whoa, it was like fun back in my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, thanks for seeing the struggle, mate, thanks for seeing the work. But I guess we're all kind of going through our own struggle in some way or another, right On different our own different levels that we go through. But I feel, at the core of it, most people are brought together because they felt some fun and joy and, you know, some unique connection with their partner that was based around fun and playfulness. Usually your partner is unlocking an aspect of you that you're like, wow, I love how I feel around this person. So if you know that that that's always there at its core, it's a matter of coming home to that and rediscovering that together. And when we realized that I met while I was traveling in Canada I was on exchange. I was having the funnest time of my life when I was 21, bro. So I met this woman during probably the greatest expression of myself during that time of just like living my best life. So we bonded over that. She had also done exchange. She also loved to travel, so we had this general love for life around exploring and freedom and all of that.
Speaker 2:So when we lose that, we go. Okay, how do we kind of rediscover that? Where are we missing the fun and adventure as being one of the core things that brought us together. So that then goes about okay. How do we get creative with the places that we're in? How do we still make time to go and explore a new part of the city or go and just have a night where we're not talking about business and we're just kind of going to, you know, just talking about fun stuff, and that kind of is the quality time that was so important for our relationship. That was lost very quickly. The minute you start doing business together, or the minute you've been together for a certain period of time, you kind of neglect it, and that was just the key. It's like have something in the calendar every week where you're doing something fun, unique, that's in alignment with what you both love.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, especially when it comes to like, for you and all men is like having that with the commitment to masculine leadership as well, and I know that it's so important for yourself to also practice masculine leadership so that the skills are transferable. And in other areas, is that what you were doing Cambo and Ayahuasca for? Were you going there to like, impact your own masculine leadership? Were you integrating something else Like, like yeah, I think that's a good point.
Speaker 2:I I feel that and I want to I haven't spoken about this too much yet online, but I will be soon which is it's totally okay for your woman to lead in different areas. You know, and, and what I've realized is there has to be kind of this balance where if your woman is going to lead in this area, you have to counterbalance that by leading justice strongly in another area. And in my particular relationship, my girl Amanda. She's a great leader in business, bro, she's a better leader than me. You know managing team, like closing deals. She's just a gun, right. She's like I'm the good cop, she's the bad cop. She'll tell it how it is. I admire that. It's a masculine trait, right?
Speaker 2:But when it comes to emotional leadership and having hard conversations and getting good at like going deep within your own soul, that's what I love to do.
Speaker 2:So when I do the plant medicine work and I go deep in my meditation practice or whatever, I come out the other side of it with all this insight and clarity about the path that we're meant to walk or you know where we can be better in our relationship, and it's up to me to keep leading her back into her body and leading her deeper into her emotional expression, which is, you know, you could say a masculine trait, but it's still on the feminine level. So there's this nuance to leadership and I think a lot of men can put a lot of pressure on themselves. At least I have in the past was I'm gonna be leading all the time for my girl. I'm gonna be my healthy masculine energy. Well, in some areas she's she loves leading. She's way better than me at leading. So why would I try and take that away from her and think that that's what a man does? He kind of does these certain things, but no, just know your area of leadership.
Speaker 1:So yeah, man, and I think, like what a lot of guys can get confused in is they can think oh, if I have to receive my partner in this way, then like, for something small like that, then I'm weak or something. But it's like if you don't receive your partner, that's going to build so much resentment from her and there's going to be so much clash. Yes, it's like what do men need to know in order to learn how to receive when they're supposed to?
Speaker 2:That's a good question. Yeah, I mean I can't answer that for each individual person, because every man needs to know that Most men high-performing men just need to do a better job at receiving in general. So if you think about where does a man receive from, I think that would be a good starting point. Most pretty much all men, receive from their heart, on an like polarity level. If the electromagnetic charge of that area is receptive, for most men it's it's a negative charge, so we're pulling energy in through the heart. But women are the other way around. They're positive at the heart, so they're devoting, they're giving so much through that devotional ability. So that would mean for a man to actually receive his woman, his heart needs to be open, which means if he's holding anger and shame and guilt and sadness and all this emotional residue from his past, then he's closed, he can't receive her or he can't receive life force in general.
Speaker 1:That just makes me think of just the mother wound, for that Of being able to receive is just. It just feels like so much mother wound energy to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah because the, the mother wound energy is how you initially relate with emotion. You know, was your mom there to validate and soothe and provide compassion and that gentle softness it's like, oh, it's all good love, I understand what you're feeling, you're gonna get it, you're gonna make it through. If you didn't have that, you kind of just shut down to your emotions. Emotions might have been quite overwhelming. So you either just kind of you know, disassociated from them, didn't open up, like for me. I just didn't open up about my emotions because I knew my mom would never really understand what I was going through, so I didn't tell her anything about what I was feeling.
Speaker 1:I couldn't agree anymore.
Speaker 2:So then that shows up in the relationship. You don't say anything to your partner, You're just kind of quiet, Dude.
Speaker 1:I found this. I don't know if you can relate to this, but for me, like as a kid, like because I grew up like singing, dancing and acting, but I was like the proudest mum ever, right, but for me I perceived it as like too much. So for me, any time that I got love, ew, yuck, gross. Like any nurturing or care unless I was sick. When I was sick I was like help me, but other than that I was like ew and I didn't realize that that come into relationships that like the softness, the bushiness and like you know, a woman being in her feminine where, like we recharge and allow them to like take care of you. I was like gross, never do that. Yeah, ever off. Like the woman's ability to be able to give.
Speaker 2:And bro was like that's a bit so, that's typical, like avoidant right, avoid an attachment tendencies, whereas the the emotion that it's too much. It feels like too much, so you just like, want to pull away. And I exact same thing. If your mom was kind of overly affectionate but emotionally absent, then you, you have a resentment towards that because you're like you're not actually seeing what I need, you're just trying to smother me, and that we immediately shut down and want to pull away and avoid all of that. So then, boom, we end up attracting a partner who resembles the same qualities as our mom, because our subconscious is trying to integrate all these wounds from our childhood. So all of a sudden you're going through that same pattern of this. Your romantic partner's trying to really affectionate. You're like yo just get off me right now. I don't want any, I don't want your love right now. But if you don't know how to communicate that or support yourself and relax into those emotions, then that's where this dynamic shows up but I didn't even know it was a thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then it would show up like I remember, even in business, like I like you know, when I'm like as well because I do healing for men too when we're at retreats or like we're coaching, whatever it is, and someone's coming up and like, unless I'm saying like they're giving so much gratitude and saying thank you in a way which is so intimate, and unless I've been pre-warmed up and I can receive it, I'm like this is like gross, like my nervousism goes. I'm like I'm trying Open, open.
Speaker 2:It's so funny when you're back in Australia, at least for me, because I can tell by by the way someone hugs how good they are like receiving love. You know you hug your dad right. You give your dad a big warm hug. My dad's so like tense and struggles to really embrace me properly. And a lot of men back in Oz who have that wound are the same. They're just, they're super awkward around affection and love, especially from other men as well. So it's a process of softening.
Speaker 1:All right, all right, so I'm going to go hard on this one In terms of the body retreats, biohacking, supplements, exercise, meditation. What is it that we can do to be able to heal this so that we can show up as a better leader and aware of this? Because one thing that I know is the best leaders to me like when I see like genuine, like amazing leaders is they always have, like they could just receive so well, and every time like I meet them or meet someone who's a really good leader, like I met a really big like influence and he's a really good, he's a really good leader. Like not too long ago, and I was like shaking his hand, he just had this massive amount of presence and he just like held eye contact for a long time and just like real shook my hand and I was like you're a g, like you're a gene, you know how to receive man, I can see why everything's working so well.
Speaker 2:For you, that's good, yeah, that's, that's really good. I I think it comes back to how well they they really know themselves. Uh, on that emotional, energetic level, you know, again, the plant medicine work is is one way of showing you those deeper paths. But for me it's been like meditation and yoga and spending lots of time in contemplation and knowing myself and clearing a lot of the emotional layers, because you can do all the biohacking and mindset work and all of that till you're blue in the face. But if you haven't cleared those heavier layers and knowing how to actively express your emotions in a healthy way, that will block you up more than anything else.
Speaker 1:I'd love to hear a story of one that you had to like. There was emotion that you knew had to come up. You had to process it and heal it. You were just like whoa insight embodiment achieved.
Speaker 2:I think anger for me, has been one of the biggest ones that men easily overlook because of whatever wounding around their father and being the nice guy, or either unhealthy expressions of anger, where it's just quite erratic and reactive and easily frustrated by things, and anger either gets unconsciously directed outwards through passive aggressiveness and blame and all of that, or it's unconsciously projected inwards to a tough inner critic and beating yourself up and always be impatient with certain things. And for me it's directed inwards. So whenever things aren't, I've noticed, when things aren't progressing the way that I want them to, or if I'm not showing up my business as well as I could be, I start beating myself up and then that turns into an internal spiral, right? So whenever I've had times where I've caught that and going oh no, I know this, I know where this goes and then actively gone into a practice where I can tap into that rage, that primality that you know so many of us men have, you know, suppressed or ignored or never really fully gone into and and being like what, what am I? You know, where's that dangerous 10 out of 10 rage? Where are there any spaces where I can go there and tap into that? Because if you don't, then you're never really going to unlock full stability and full groundedness and full presence and power, because you haven't owned that shadow, owned the full darkness.
Speaker 2:So for me it was have a practice where I can actually fully rage like go crazy for a moment and contain it and then relax into whatever sadness is back there towards myself or sadness towards you. Know, the lack of love that maybe I received growing up and and through integrating those shadows. All of a sudden at least in my own process I felt less fear in general and I think that's the overall reflection that maybe you're seeing in this guy or this influencer. He just probably has way less fear running his system and and you go. This guy is just fully available to receive and give because there's no unconscious fear story back there.
Speaker 1:What is the fear stories that you see? What do they usually look like? Like in the real world, when you're like, oh, this person fears all up in their system. What?
Speaker 2:are the signals 100%? Maybe I'll just speak to my own signals, because that's probably a more authentic way, which is fear around. What people are going to think of me Is it like online yeah.
Speaker 2:I even caught myself the other day, man I was just recently I haven't been sharing a whole lot on my Instagram story. I used to just kind of share insights about what I was going through and learning. I haven't been doing that recently because in my head I'm like no one wants to listen, like no one wants to listen to what I have to say and what I have to say. This sounds stupid, this is dumb and and this is all like happening back there, which is if no one, if, if, that, if you trace that fear back, it comes down to I'm not enough, I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy. Same thing comes back to the fear in business, which is you know, as you, if you're an entrepreneur, you're always going to go through this money fear subtly on different levels, which is like am I going to be okay? Am I going to have enough money this month to survive? Am I like, am I going to like, fail my partner and my team and my family? So these, these fears are subtle as like thoughts that stem from deep-rooted beliefs, usually around like I'm not good enough. I'm not enough because if you receive conditional love growing up from your dad, like me, when I played sport and I played really well. Fuck, he was my best friend. But when I had a shit game, he was quiet in the car and I was like I knew he's, he's pissed, he's not. There was no that reassurance of it.
Speaker 2:Doesn't matter how you play, just go out there and have fun, you're gonna be loved, no matter what we're gonna have a, you know we're gonna come home at the end of the day and just enjoy each other's company, just enjoy the game. Well, that's what business is right. It's a fucking game. Doesn't matter how much money you make, you're loved unconditionally. So I, for me, it's been around that like once I can unravel those fears and see more of them and actually come back to the truth of. I've always been provided for, I always will be provided for. This is a game that I get to play in, you know, and I get to enjoy it. And when I just show up authentically and realize that I don't need people to like me, I don't need people to understand me, I just get to be myself, and that energy alone is extremely magnetic and valuable, and then money just comes from that. It's then a practice of seeing the loops when they come up.
Speaker 1:But that's where the freedom comes from and that's where the fun gets into it. Because instead, you're taking the pressure out of your mind, knowing that, like, your trigger and your pressure and your stress around business is just from the not good enough stuff which, as you said, will just create the loops. Right, yes, or unconsciously know this, but people who don't create content like don't understand that when you're creating content like you do and you're exposed in the audience, especially with over like 500,000 followers, like across most of your stuff, it's like I don't know how many something like that, isn't it Somewhere around there?
Speaker 1:500, 600, that's so crazy, but like there's something in your mind that's always like you can't escape people's opinions and reflections right like it's just. Yeah, I mean, you get the best personal development ever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it truly had a friend send a video to me and he was like, oh, look at this and some page like recreated some reel of mine, like talking some shit, and it's just like I guess. At that point now I'm like, do I want to create a piece of content, like reacting back to this, or do I not like where's my nervous system at?
Speaker 2:and I'm like no, yeah, yeah, totally, even with the comments. Like you know, every day there's some comment or someone saying something stupid about beta simp, all these lame things about me, and I read it and the instinct is to want to be like fuck you bro, like look at your fucking page, you idiot. Yeah, but you really you realize that that serves no purpose, because that's my unconscious way of trying to protect myself from feeling whatever wound that maybe they triggered. So the more I've kind of relaxed into myself and and gone. Hey, I know why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I genuinely love what I do. Then other people's comments shouldn't rattle you that much because you're just like okay, cool, that's just where they're at in their own journey.
Speaker 2:And I think that the comments is less affected. It doesn't affect me as much anymore at all, it's more. Just what does affect me is like am I expressing my fullness every single day? Is the highest expression of me coming through every day? Or am I just making content because that's what worked last time and that's what brought in a lot of clients? Can I like I'm leaning on the edge of like where's the freshness, where's the the newness in what I'm doing? And it's a difficult thing in the, in the content or even the creative space in general, because you have this thing that works and you know it works.
Speaker 1:But you also, you're a creator, you want to, you want to try new things, you want to experiment and you have to be creative as well, and it's like I think it's so nuts how content online creation is like this direct reflection of your authenticity and like where you're at in your nervous system, because if the second that you're triggered and you're not clear and you're not doing anything, like your ideas just don't go fresh, nothing works how you want it to work. Yeah, exactly, exactly, yeah. So how do you as well? Because some of your content I've watched.
Speaker 1:It has been so good that I've been watching it just like oh, the point that jordan's talking to right now is like the realest thing that I've ever seen. And like there's this authenticity to it as well, which is extremely powerful. Like I feel like there's some videos that you just 10 out of 10 now and you must look at it sometimes and be like we nailed that one. So like, how do you like? What tools or practices do you have to get into that state and what do you know that people don't know that could help them get creative as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, you definitely know when you've crushed something. You know, okay, that was good. But on the videos that we're making, there's obviously many different layers and elements to it, right Between the script, how we film it, where we film it and then the whole post-production side of it. So I guess the skit content is its own beast in a sense. But you can have viral content just through speaking directly to the camera, and the right words and the right tonality can unlock something in people. So the point I think you're getting at is how do you open yourself up in a way to receive an idea, to channel a piece of inspiration and then package that in a way that's going to impact the right people that you want to connect with? And I don't think there's any consistent formula of doing that, unfortunately.
Speaker 2:For me, it really is learning to orient, and this comes back to my gene keys. I really am deep into the gene keys right now and understanding how I can learn from my own shadows to unlock the gifts and my gene key profile. Literally, I'm made for this content game, bro, based on my profile, and I've known this for a long time. I love doing this. So if that's not in your dna and in your nature to want to create content and do these kinds of things.
Speaker 2:You know you're always going to lose to the people who love it, you know. So you've got to acknowledge that, first and foremost, there's a path or a creative pathway, or maybe you're not meant to be in this creative pathway, and that's okay, and honor that. But find that thing that you love to do the most and then obsess over that, because that's how you can unlock this creative genius. That's unique and for me, a lot of it's around orientating myself to my natural rhythms. So the natural rhythms are seasonally or internally. There's shifts happening and it's about me being sensitive to honoring. What do I need in these different seasons that I'm in? And the better I can do that, the more, uh, I'm going to be inspired by and sometimes the inspiration come in a season where I'm not feeling inspired at all, I'm feeling really slow motivation, and by accepting and honoring that, boom, there's this creative insight that comes from it.
Speaker 1:Bro, there's so many times where, just when you're saying the slow down moment, for me, I felt so guilty for having to slow down. It was like this consistent thing and I have to remind myself like I noticed, like I don't know if you've ever done this, but I've compared myself to people on social media and it happened like at one stage this week because I had some pretty bad news happen. And then, when the bad news happened, I'm like, oh, I'm witnessing myself, comparing what. I'm like, oh, I'm comparing, I'm not inspiring. Put this down. And then it's like, okay, talking to myself, that's not my season. Like this is not my season right now. Your season is something different, yeah, so don't look at it like that definitely like, how do you?
Speaker 2:oh, the comparison's a real thing, right even to the point where sometimes I've seen a bunch of other creators copy our exact format and style of making videos. You know, like, oh, your instincts. Like, oh, fuck you. Like, that's, that's our style. But then you go no, like who really cares? If you want to copy our style, go for it.
Speaker 2:And it's just this subtle story of fear, doubt, lack. You know, think about that, the limitations of of a story where you're comparing yourself to someone else. You're literally saying to yourself that they're further along than me, they're better than me. I should have figured this out by now. All of it is comes back to that core fear of like am I enough? Am I doing enough? So if you, if you keep keep developing or growing through that fear and fully believing in dude, there's so much abundance, there's infinite abundance, always. There's infinite time, always. So if you operate from that place, you can actually celebrate other people when they crush it. And I feel for me, just don't be on social media unless you are tapped into that place. If you're coming out, if there's any fear, social media will exacerbate the fear.
Speaker 1:That's wild, bro. It's so true. And your brain? I feel like it's designed in such a way that it's like it's AI. You can't beat it. If you play an AI chess, a grandmaster's never going to beat the best chess ever because it's got millions of iterations or whatever it is. So it's like our brain. When we look at our phone, I always feel like, no matter what we're feeling and what we're thinking, it's just going to directly reflect that back to that, and the 1.001 second that we're a little bit longer on a certain reel or whatever it is, it's just going to start feeding us exactly what the dark parts of our brain need, or the healthy parts of our like exactly brain need, exactly.
Speaker 2:It's a dangerous space, mate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it will just double click on whatever you feed, which is interesting hey, dude, really interesting it's, it's crazy for like having a direct reflection of what's going on inside your brain. Sometimes I look at my feed and I'm like, okay, what's going on, like, oh, it's here because I'm going through. I'm like, okay, makes sense. But I want to know more about these rhythms, man, that you talked about, like your rhythms, and like understanding, like gene keys and how they, you know, how you use those to influence the direction like of your life. Because I feel like, with masculinity, there's a lot of guys out there who just don't know what they want, and a lot of my work, specifically that I've done on myself has just been getting clear on what I want big things and small things and I'm like, if I don't know it is what I want, then I'm it's always going to feel like I'm not progressing towards anything. So can you talk to me about how all of that sort of fits together?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel. For me, it comes back to the sensitivity piece, which is being slow enough and clear enough to sense what's this particular season of my life needing you know and understanding because, dude, most of it actually is outside of our control. Most of it is a a natural rhythm that's governed by this divine force that moves the planets and the stars what would like a rhythm like for you.
Speaker 1:If you were like, oh, I'm in this rhythm right now. Like, what would that sort of look like? How would your brain?
Speaker 2:pick. Well, it's literally about to happen. I'm about to travel to the complete other side of the world and go back to Bali and back to my home, which is now. They're moving into external winter, so there's literally less daylight, right? So just by law of that, if there's less sun, there's less what Solar energy. There's less light. There's less vitality. Is that good or bad? No, it's just what is. So I know going back to the Southern Hemisphere at this time of the year is going to pull me a little bit more introspective. I'm probably going to have a bit less energy to crush a big workout and do a podcast and crank the caffeine. I'm going to have to honor that seasonal shift through the external light that's around, you know, and that's taking me off on. I mean. I guess if you travel, you have to learn that.
Speaker 1:But I love that, though, because that's so like know, old school tribal, if you know what I mean, like the men would know that shit. Like I feel like you know eight hundred thousand, like a thousand thousand and a half, like one thousand, five hundred years ago, like we'd be doing that right. If you're in the tribes, you'd be like, okay, your men, I think, would be paying so much sensitivity to the weather, to the stars, to what's going on and being like, okay, this is what we need, this is the tribe need, this is what I need in the moment to play my role in the tribes. As you're saying that I'm like there's always this thing around. Like you know, for me, a lot of like men's coaches and men in general always like seek this thing where they go. I need to go out to nature. I need to go out to nature.
Speaker 2:And, as you were saying that you're just connected up to that, yeah, well, it's also. It's a part of one of my gifts and my gene keys is sensitivity is one of the gifts that the shadow of that is dislocation, meaning I'm like I've, I've got no idea. I'm like I'm completely out of sync, I don't know up from down. So, knowing that again, we will have these natural gifts that we're here to unlock and express, but to unlock them we have to go through the shadow of being completely lost. So I've, when I've gone through that many times, been completely out of rhythm, going I'm trying to force, when life's trying to tell me to just slow down and flow, you know. So there's, there's, there's all these factors in in and around that, be it the external season, the city that you're in, just the general vibration of the people that you're around in a city, can influence you in that kind of way, if you allow it to a certain degree. But there's certain energies that come online.
Speaker 2:When I'm in certain places, I'm like, oh, wow. When I'm in Mexico City, there's this really strong creative energy that comes through there. I'm like, wow, just a lot of creative energy. That's awesome, I love that. Then you go back into, say, place like Sedona, there's this extremely grounding earthing energy where you just feel really safe. Bro, like Sedona is a place where I feel the safest, for whatever reason. So those mountains just do something to me. You know, is that where you do your retreats? We've done two out there. Yeah, that just keeps. It's one of my favorite places in the world, just because of how I feel when I'm out there. So if you're sensitive enough, you'll pick up on these different things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, it's crazy that you say that, because I was for me, I was just having these thoughts in my mind that I haven't spoken out loud, I just noticed them when I was just like just looking at anything, scrolling, looking, looking for clothes, looking for places, and I find myself like I'm way more attracted to like locations or like my own home setup, more so than like how I dress like, and that takes my mind. I'm like, well, would I feel better in like really awesome clothes, or would I feel better in a space that is like just incredible and like immaculate, and always the space goes to me. I'm like oh, I just like I like beautiful spaces. Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2:It's interesting that you said that I haven't even thought about it. Yeah, because it's a frequency that's influencing us, whether we realize or not. The space is anchoring some sort of consciousness within us. So the space can be your ally or your enemy, in a sense, but at the same time, if you're not in the space that you want to be in right now, or you're stuck in an environment you don't want to be, in, which I was for a long period of time when was this period? Uh, when I was at my corporate job back in perth and I was an accountant and I did not enjoy the space of a corporate office.
Speaker 2:everyone wearing the same thing wasn't it like amazing, right, most creative environment. There is really tax returns every day. And but as joe dispenser speaks about, is you have to overcome your environment. If your environment is keeping you stuck in this limited frequency, then you're a victim to your environment.
Speaker 1:Whoa.
Speaker 2:So I had to overcome that to be like no, no, like can I allow this environment to feed into my, my vibration by breaking any resistance to it. So that was a huge learning period for me. So how'd you do it? Well, firstly, come back to actually let go of needing to change it I was so committed to. I need to change this, I need to find my purpose. I need to get out of Perth, I need to travel.
Speaker 2:When I just stopped and be like how about I just like let go of that desire. You know, like there's a Buddhism says that desire is the root of all evil. Right, but in a sense, desire is actually just. If you have resistance to your situation, no matter how much you desire something, your resistance will block it from happening. So I kind of just let go of the resistance to being an accountant and just said, hey, you know what? How can I enjoy this? How can I find absolute fulfillment in what I'm doing right now? And when I did, I met some of my best friends All of a sudden. I had all this space open up around my work, or I was working on my business in my downtime and then I would just appreciate the train ride to work and the sun, the beautiful weather in Perth, and then bang, like my vibration goes up, and then the opportunities to leave. Come Bro, I had the exact same story, eh yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I was in organizational development working in an office, I felt the same thing, but I was like when I first got in there I was just like, oh hell, no. I got to like how can I just enjoy my role as much as I can? And they ended up just giving me all this freedom that I could do whatever it is in my role. And then I started going like part-time and working like on my business and it was the same thing when you said the train.
Speaker 2:I'd be like on the train. Like'm like listening to all these personal development books. I'm going, dude, I get to learn and grow and I'm just in this beautiful environment. It's a tough life. I've seen Australia out here and the best weather and the best beaches. I'm like, oh, fuck this. I want to leave, Dude, you just have to shift different frequency.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you think about it now and think like man, that was actually amazing. Oh my gosh. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, the most transformative time of my life. So much energy was coming through me. You know and you need that I feel that, bro.
Speaker 1:I got goosebumps just thinking about that. I reflect on that part of my life regularly of just being like I was so locked in and I was feeling like there was this like ball of energy that was just getting ready to like launch a rocket ship, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's great. You know, it's just a. It's a beautiful phase.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's also a developmental phase. As men we go through that kind of prince knight phase. As we're moving towards this king phase, you have to go through that trial, experimentation and many different areas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's wild. So how did you then like how did you go from that to then being in the position and noticing that there's different levels of stress and seasons, when it's like I'm running retreats for men, I'm supporting a man's emotional growth?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel, because when you start traveling and moving around, being in different environments, you you obviously have to learn to navigate and be fluid and flexible with what's coming up. But I think it just came back down to how I was structuring my day a lot because I realized that there's some periods in my life where I like training a lot, I like getting really jacked and getting after it and working longer hours. But then there were some periods where my body really didn't want that. I just didn't have the same vigor and energy. So the moment I went against that, all of a sudden content felt like a chore, getting clients felt like a chore and I lost the fun.
Speaker 2:So the anchor point for me was where's the fun, where's the play in what I'm doing? And sometimes in the moments where it doesn't look like I'm doing a whole lot of work on the external, but there's all this energetic shifts happening where clients were just flowing in and people, retreats were getting filled because I was barely doing anything. But then the inverse happened, bro, where I was trying to fill a retreat and trying to do all this stuff and make content every day and get all the marketing campaigns around. I'm trying to do, do, do. It wasn't coming from the right place. The retreat doesn't fill and you're just like what the hell? We're doing it in the same spot. Why is this one so hard to fill up? And it's all energy, it's all that authentic magnetism that comes through when you're in alignment.
Speaker 1:Bro, what do you think for you in terms of area, like the most magnetic you were was like in the world, and what was like like? Pay me a picture of what that looked like for you in terms of like the energy, because my goal is to be able to like I want to see what that's like and give like people who are listening, like an idea of being like oh, that's possible. That's what that looks like. This is how I know synchronicities are happening and I'm in flow well in terms of like a city in a place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think it also depends. For me, it's also been who I've been with, you know in that time as well. So Austin is very much like that to me. You know, even right now, in this particular season, it's quite magical the portals that open up, where people are coming in from left, right and center to support the mission that you know we're trying to do, coming in from left, right and center to support the mission that we're trying to do. I've also just gone into business with a really close friend who you can have on the podcast today. When I'm around someone like him and we are feeding off each other's energy, there's this constant creative ideation that's happening. And then something about this place, mate, when you say, oh, we'd love to meet a person like this, or we kind of need an advisor in our business in this way, they just show up so quickly because the frequency out here is so high, because of the people. But then, from a creative standpoint, like I said, mexico City has something, has something really special.
Speaker 1:Where is?
Speaker 2:Mexico City. Is it in Mexico? Yeah, it's in the heart of Mexico, have you not been?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:I've never been, oh you've. Mexico, um, have you not been? No, I've never been. Oh, you gotta go, you gotta go. As a creator and artist, that would be a one of the top places for me. And and then there's also beauty in, say, being in the algav, and there's this freshness I feel out there when I'm close to the ocean, I'm close to a seaside town where's the just about two hours um, south of lisbon.
Speaker 2:yeah, you know, you just have that real pure energy that allows for a different kind of creativity to come through. So I just it really depends on where I need to be in that particular season. You know, I've just obviously done the ayahuasca recently through march to april in europe. So we're in spain and portugal, integrating there, and I realized and I reflected back on the last kind of few years of my life and I realized that around March to April there is a huge kind of breakdown that tends to happen internally, where what was working previously like you've just come out of a summer at least for us in the Southern Hemisphere, there's a huge summer that's just happened.
Speaker 2:Around March there's usually a breakdown. You kind of go into this period of like something's changing, things no longer feel in alignment. So now, knowing that awareness, every March is where I want to kind of like schedule a retreat. I want to be in my own process during that time and allowing space for Like a retreat for you Myself, yeah, yeah, be it ayahuasca or a Joe Dispenza retreat, or maybe just being in nature and in an environment that's supporting the breakdown, for something new to emerge, I don't want to be in cities during that time.
Speaker 1:It's I want to be in cities during that time. I just love the awareness of knowing what your body, your soul, your path and your mission needs and understanding it so that it's like you're giving the most fertile soil for yourself to allow yourself to really grow back to the plant analogy so that it doesn't die. Yeah.
Speaker 2:But the analogy of whenever I'm in Toronto or somewhere in the North America, and in the North the plants literally die for six months of the year. It was fascinating because it wasn't like that where I grew up in Perth, western Australia. It's just kind of like, kind of dry and you know there's not a lot of life force. In general, you don't see these obvious seasonal changes, but the plants die for three to six months during that winter period. There's no life on them. But then all of a sudden, boom bro, summer comes around. This whole place is vibrant with life and you go. Where do they go for that? Where do they disappear to during that time? Well, they're behind the scenes, transforming and evolving and shifting, and there's things happening beneath the surface that you don't see. It's crazy, it's wild, and we're like that too, yeah, so I think you've got to honor it.
Speaker 1:You have to honor it. Yeah, well, you've like inspired me with that. Like it just makes so much sense because it's like you know if you don't, you're not paying like attention to the energies. That's when you just get caught up in the bullshit. That's when you just get in that busy productive of the daily thing happening again and again and it just feels like you know why are some sustenance leaking out and then you choose the wrong relationships or you attract the wrong things that try to serve you Like.
Speaker 1:I also remember someone was telling me that you know a lot of your energy gets based off the land as well. Yeah, and because Australia is so like, like bushfires is such a common thing, like in Australia, it's like you have to intentionally because plant life's just there and I was grew up in adelaide, so very similar climate to perth you're gonna have to burn shit, you have to intentionally burn shit and I always found myself when I'm growing in australia that I'm like oh why do I have to own this thing again and go through this and go through this transformation?
Speaker 1:but whenever I'm like anywhere else where it'd be like bali or japan or you know somewhere in the north, like getting close to the northern hemisphere or the equator, it's like there's just a different energy every time you go somewhere yeah, yeah, I'm glad you pick up on that as well. Yeah, it's, it's fascinating, it is really fascinating and I really get it around austin as well, because even last time I was just like okay season, my life, I need to be in this place yeah, yeah, I.
Speaker 2:I think I'll always be coming back here for particular chapters, and I'm sure you will as well, because the people who I'm around trumps anything else in my opinion. Oh, dude, I could be in the fucking deserted desert, but while I'm with my best friends, let's go. This is going to be great. I love it. I just have so much fun.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, let us know, man, what retreats have you got coming up? Are you running any programs recently? Where can people go and jump on board and get involved with whatever you're doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, it's been really fun man conversing with you it always is and really honor and see all the work that you're doing in this space too, because we just need more of it and really looking forward to doing something together in Australia really soon. But for me it's mainly North America right now, which is Ontario. In July is the next men's retreat, specifically, and then in October in Cape Town, south Africa, will be more of a health and wellness-focused retreat for men and women, where we're going to be in a really special spot in Table Mountain and talk about energy, of environments. That was a place that I felt, something that I hadn't felt before. What was that? What did you feel?
Speaker 2:Combination of the Sedona, strong mountain energy, combined with that ocean energy, of being close to water uh, had something unique that I hadn't felt. So there's a few places in the world that have that rio and cape town and I, like dude, we got a host of retreat here. This is, this is the spot. So, yeah, I want more people to go to south africa because, as an environment, that that africa in general for me is, ah, it's pure man, there's purity on a different level. You can feel it in the people. So, yeah, that's going to be in October.
Speaker 1:Dude, wow, and all the links will be in the show notes below. Everyone, jordan, thanks so much for coming on to the show.
Speaker 2:Thanks, brother. Appreciate it, mate. That was great.